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Utah’s back in this thing, and all of a sudden LA doesn’t look so mighty

Posted in Uncategorized on May 11th, 2008

Jazz’s exciting overtime win coupled with Kobe’s back problems open the door for a compelling final three games

SCOTT JACOBS

Kobe Bryant went up, gently put threw the ball up against the glass and the ball bounced out. Johnny on the Spot (Lamar Odom) was there to put it back and tie the game at 108-108. Utah’s 12 point lead late in the fourth quarter had evaporated and the Lakers appeared ready to seize control of the series. Derek Fisher blocked Deron Williams’ game winner, and the Jazz faithful looked shocked as their team prepared to play for an unexpected overtime.

The Lakers, even with an injured Kobe Bryant, had climbed the mountain. Read the rest of this entry »

Juiced Links-5/11

Posted in Uncategorized on May 11th, 2008

MITCHELL BLATT

-The San Diego Chargers on the Torrey Pines Course that will play host to next month’s US Open. Norv Turner shot 115.

-NBA: Where Retarded Happens. As if they couldn’t have enough stuff already happening in the playoffs, the NBA has this site that gives you a playoff nickname then says, “Where [Playoff Nickname] Happens.” For me, the NBA is where Mitchell “STERLING” Blatt happens.

-Interview With Buzz Bissinger. Hope Buzz is over now. This is a fake interview by NESW Sports with Buzz, parodying Monty Python.

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A-Rod Has Tits

Posted in ALCS, Alex Rodriguez, Boston Red Sox, MLB PLAYOFFS, New York Yankees on May 10th, 2008

COLIN LINNEWEBER

ALEX RODRIGUEZ
New York Yankees regular season statistics compiler and October failure, Alex Rodriguez, passed out during the birth of his daughter, Natasha, 3, in 2004 it was revealed this week on an episode of the YES Network’s “YESterday’s.”

“As tough and big as he seems, he is real wimpy around doctors or any type of medical situation,” Cynthia Rodriguez said. “I was, like, not even having a baby; he was the one. The one nurse had a cold cloth on his head, the other nurse had the blood pressure on his arm and my mother was like rubbing his back — and he is passed out on a couch.
“And I am there, in the middle of labor, and really, I am not being paid much attention to besides the doctor and a couple of nurses. And he is there, moaning. In between pushing, I am going, ‘Honey, are you OK?’ And are you breathing? Are you OK?’”

Granted, if I saw a head coming out of my wife’s box, I may go down like the Titanic as well. Read the rest of this entry »

Mike D’Antoni to the Knicks? But April Fools is over!

Posted in Uncategorized on May 10th, 2008

Coach D’Antoni is taking his Seven Seconds or Less attack to the Big Apple in a move that will probably ruin his career

SCOTT JACOBS

It’s official.  For at least a day the sports world has been flipped on its head.

On the same day that the penny pinching Florida Marlins handed superstar Hanley Ramirez a 6 year $70 million deal, the largest in franchise history, the New York Knicks, the lumbering, god-awful New York Knicks have locked Mike D’Antoni into a contract that will probably end any title aspirations he ever had. Read the rest of this entry »

Florida’s paying not to win. But the Marlins are in first place!

Posted in Uncategorized on May 9th, 2008

Florida’s unbelievable start is difficult to comprehend, but the numbers back up the fact that Marlins have been a damn good team 35 games in

SCOTT JACOBS

There’s been some fun stories lately coming out of the sporting ranks, but none is as bizarre, confusing, and downright compelling as Florida’s rise to the top of the National League East. In case you’re anti-family and don’t know what baseball is, you’re probably aware of Florida’s unbelievably low 21 million dollar payroll. Teams don’t win with that little support from their owner. But would you look at that. No, not the shooting star, I’m talking about the baby Marlins jumping out to the greatest start in team history!

With 21 wins to their name in just 35 games, the Marlins, the Marlins!, are not only leading the NL East, but they’re amongst the best in all of BASEBALL. Let me repeat that. The Marlins have one of the best records in baseball. Read the rest of this entry »

Clemens, Benson and “Sid the Kid”

Posted in AFC, MLB, NFL on May 9th, 2008

COLIN LINNEWEBER

ROGER CLEMENS
U.S. Olympic baseball team General Manager Bob Watson said Wednesday that Roger Clemens will not be invited to play for his squad this summer in Beijing.

“From my standpoint, we don’t need that type of distraction,” said Watson.

Clemens, a seven-time Cy Young Award winner who is a serial philanderer and rumored abuser of steroids, should vanish like a plane in the Bermuda Triangle before his ailing reputation is desecrated any further. But, common sense will not prevail and the public should not expect a secluded Rocket. Under the guidance of his semi-retarded lawyer, Rusty Hardin, the fat-Texan is poised to become one of the biggest jokes the sports world has witnessed since Tonya Harding and/or the cunnilingus-loving cheerleaders of the Carolina Panthers, Renee Thomas and Angela Ellen Keathley. Unfortunately for Clemens, Americans generally don’t “misremember” national disgraces. Read the rest of this entry »

The NBA Playoffs: Where Boring Happens

Posted in Uncategorized on May 9th, 2008

Every game in the second round has been won by the home team (Every one!) so where’s the drama in that?

SCOTT JACOBS

The NBA Playoffs are too long. We know that. I know that, you know that, and David Stern secretly knows that. But for the last couple years, ever since the NBA made the awkward transition of making the playoffs almost as long as a WNBA season, the league has slowly gotten more drawn out and less exciting.

And this second round fiasco hasn’t helped make things move along.

In a shocking event of home team dominance, unprecedented as far as my recent memory goes, the home team is 10-0 in the second round. Count that again. Ten and Ohhhh. Aka: what happened to that amazing regular season where every team was so close, and who stole my Doritos? Read the rest of this entry »

Are You Kidding me Cincinnati!?!

Posted in Uncategorized on May 7th, 2008

Bengals have bigger issues to fight then taking on the entire free world

SCOTT JACOBS

I just read Mitch’s post about the Cinncinatti Bengals, and how they sent a cease and desist letter to one of their biggest fans, a blogger who ran the blog, Stripe Hype.

Call me crazy, but this could be the start of something huge. Read the rest of this entry »