Barry Bonds is soooo 2001. I can’t believe ESPN is wasting their time with him. After All, he did lose in round one of the Who’s NOW contest. Jeff Gordon beat him soundly with 62% of the vote. Apparently being 6th place in all-time racing wins is more impressive than being #1 all-time in home runs. Even Barry Bonds’ off-field headlines weren’t enough to lift him past Gordon.

The series is all about who is creating the most “buzz” from athletic dominance to newsmaking outside of sports. So even though Bonds is shown on SportsCenter every morning, even if it is just to show him striking out, and headlines in every newspaper and magazine, even non-sports magazines, scream about his impending all-time home run record and his steroid use, Bonds is NOT very NOW.

While Bonds’ loss can be easily chalked up to a bunch of evil white sports geeks who hate him for no other reason than the fact that he has tainted the game with steroid-use and increased his home run totals past those of fair-playing national icons, the fact that he was seeded 5 going into the tournament (behind Gordon at 4) cannot be explained so easily. (Yes, it can, ESPN created the tournament. That explains it.)

Knowing full well what I might be subjected to (President Bush won’t say what was barred by his latest anti-torture bill, but I’m sure watching Who’s NOW is on there.), I tuned in to SportsCenter this morning hoping to find the latest scores. What I found was a debate over who is more NOW: Shaq or Tony Parker. (Parker, seeded 7th, upset R-Fed in round 1.)

The fact that I can call Shaq by his first name just proves that he is more now than Tony. (Tony who?) Sorry, Tony Parker. Parker’s list of accolades includes winning 3 titles on team’s built on TEAMWORK. (ESPN stresses this all year, but then during this segment, they say that Parker was the key to last year’s Finals.) Shaq has won 4 titles and 3 Finals MVPs. Already, we see that he is better in the championship category. Further, Shaq has always posted better numbers and is a lock Hall-of-Famer, one of the best players at his position EVER. Parker has just recently emerged as one of the best players at his position for the season. So Shaq wins on the court easily.

Off the court, Shaq has starred in movies, produced rap albums, and brings a posse of friends and paparazi wherever he goes. Parker married someone famous. Shaq is someone famous. I think I know where this is going.

Yet Stu Scott took ESPN’s accepted train of thought and said, “Wait, Shaq lost early in the playoffs this year. Parker dominated the Finals. Parker produced a French rap album. Parker had sex with…”

ESPN is always doing Who’s NOW, whether they call it that, or not. Throughout the 05-06 NBA season, praise was lauded all over LeBron James while D-Wade was cast in the shaddows. That is until Wade’s Heat won the Finals. Then, Wade had all the glory until LeBron made the Finals. Judging by his invite to host the ESPY’s LeBron is back on top. ESPN needs to slow down and look at the big picture. One great Finals by Parker doesn’t override decades of dominance by Shaq.

Thankfully, all three “experts” (Adam Sandler is a sports expert?) agreed. Because Parker producing a French rap album is just fine with the French. But, here in America, we have balls.

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