NEW FANTASY RULES

By mhblatt • August 25, 2007

Mitchell Blatt

How To Get Refs, Feds, And Dealers Involved In The Game

Some fantasy football sites has really funny options you can customize into the settings. For example, on Yahoo! you can allow players to score fractions of points (8.5 points for 85 yards rushing). ESPN lets you use coaches (scoring for: wins and big win margins. Wouldn’t 3rd down conversions, 4th down conversions, and Red Zone percentage do a better job of categorizing coaches?) With ESPN allowing coaches in the lineup, Juiced Sports examines what other positions should be added.

FBI Agents-5 points for each player investigated, 10 for indictment, 20 for indicting a starter, and 30 times number of years in jail for players found guilty.

Dogs-10 points for each dog beaten, 20 if they beat the dog so bad that he must be killed, -20 if they get killed for not fighting well enough.

Refs-Amount of money made gambling divided by 100, 20 extra for each game they make sure beats the spread, -100 if the league catches you.

Personal trainer-10 for each player you get juiced, 50 for having one of your guys set an important record, -20 for having the feds call you in front of a grand jury, -50 for being sentenced to jail.

Drug dealer-10 for each player you get hooked, 20 for getting them suspended four games, 50 for getting them kicked out of the league, no penalty for getting arrested, just soap on a chain.

Additional scoring details for players-10 for each dog killed, 10 for each $500 made gambling, 10 for each undetected injection of steroids, 50 for setting a record by using steroids, 10 for each person hit in a gunfight you started, 10 for each 100 rap albums sold, 10 for each wrestling match won, -10 for being questioned by police, -15 for being arrested, -20 for being indicted, -50 for being sentenced to jail, -10 for each game suspended.

A Short Summary of How Some People Have Been Scoring Recently

Robert Mueller, FBI Chief-95 points (Jones, Vick indicted and investigated; 1.5 years projected for Vick)
Rover McGruff-50 (5 victories, 1 dog beaten to death, then put to death following a loss)
Tim Donaghy- (-1720) ($200,000 lost gambling, 19 games beating the spread, caught by league)
Greg Anderson- (-10) (Bonds on roids, called in front of grand jury, sentenced to prison, Bonds breaks record)

What do you think? Post your opinion in the comment section.

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