So, the NBA is going to start putting microphones on coaches and in locker rooms. Big deal, right? The audio is monitored before it’s broadcast. But, some coaches are against it, notably George Karl. Phil Jackson hasn’t expressed a public opinion, but I’d be willing to bet that he is against it, too. With Kobe’s whining, Phil Jackson’s dirty mouth, his “Brokeback Team,” and lord knows what else goes on in there, it’s going to be a public relations nightmare for the Lakers.

Luckilly, one more person besides the Lord knows what it will be like, and that person is me. (Well, I’m just speculating…)

Kobe: Hey guys, you didn’t pass me the ball enough. We need to pass me the ball if we want to win.

Odom: (whimpering) We’re up 63-50, you scored 20, I think we passed you the ball enough. I went 3-of-3 shooting, maybe I should get it just a bit little more?

Kobe: That’s exactly what I’m talking about, Lamar. You went 3-of-3 shooting, that’s three more shots that could have gone to me.

Luke Walton: There seems to be a little bit of disconfort between Bryant and Odom. I’m not sure what it’s about, but maybe the locker room cameras will capture it for your viewing pleasure.

Kobe: Shut up, Luke, why do you always have to commentate our halftimes?

Walton: I want to be like my dad. Only without the successful basketball career. For me, broadcasting is like my only chance.

Phil: Alright guys, I just want to tell you you played well out there. You really put it to them. Good penetration. Good work on the hardwood. One adjustment you’re going to need to make though, put these on in the second half. We did maximum protection.

And, Kobe, want to give a speech?

Kobe: Sure, coach. You did okay out there. You got me the ball 15 times. I was kind of disappointed with a few of you, though. Lamar, you need to stop hogging the ball. Three shots is just unacceptable. Derek Fisher, you need to stop living off your legacy of about five years ago when you hit the game winning shot against the Spurs in the playoffs. As for you, Bynum, you just need to get on out of here. Go up to New Jersey and tell Kidd to come down and take your place.

Keys to remember when we go out there in the second half: Pass the ball. You need to pass to open up good shots. Keep until it ends up in my hands. I’m fourth in the league in shots taken, and I need to get my numbers up. Right now, I’m behind Carmelo Anthony, a guy playing with a star like Iverson. If someone who has to share the ball with Iverson has more shots than me, and I’m on this crappy team, there’s something wrong.

Don’t get complacent just because we’re winning. Like, coach says, the score doesn’t matter, only how many shots I take. Alright, lets go out there, and get me some opportunities!