By Scott Jacobs 

What’s new?
It’s 2008 now.
Oklahoma has lost another Fiesta Bowl to a team it was expected to manhandle.
The Yankees are milking another year without a title.
The Patriots and Colts will probably once again find themselves in the AFC title game.
And Miami is looking for another coach.
And another quarterback.
And they’ve got another high draft pick (this one the #1 pick in a hype-deprived draft).
And another Big name, I mean Tuna has signed on to fix the mess.

Sound familiar?

It’s the war cry for Dolphins fans nowadays. Out with the new, in with the… newer?
Baffling really. Really, really baffling.

As in, a once proud Dolphins organization finding itself in disarray after a heap-load of horrible drafts, poor trades, and countless other bone headed decisions fracturing the franchise’s ever so fragile alter ego.

I remember when making it to the Divisional round of the playoffs was considered a disappointment.

Now? .500 would be a party. They’d dance in the streets in Miami. Hug and kiss their neighbors. Celebrate their good fortune. O to be a respectable team again.

Since Cam Cameron, the most non-looking head coach I’ve ever seen, is now off the hot seat and on the unemployment rack at your nearest Walmart, it got me wondering, what would Parcells write to him in a letter?

“Dear Cam Cameron (seriously, what kind of name is that anyways?)

Anyhow, we’ve made our decision. You’re done. As in one and done. As in who the hell saw you fit as a good head coach?
You look more like a geeky IT nerd then an offensive genius. And doesn’t LT and Antonio Gates make anyone look brilliant?

We’re tired of the losing. 1-15? That’s like walking into a job your first week of work and cursing out all the employees. Insulting? How about humiliating. One win? And the way you did it? Barely beating the hapless Ravens? We will not sink any further with you.

Instead, we’re looking at Tony Sprano. No, not Soprano. Though, BAM!, we might go after you if you ever wear teal and orange again. Instead, we suggest you switch to black and blue, because that’s what our team looks like. I mean, my team.

Sure, I don’t know you all that well. But I find some of your decisions baffling. Like deciding Trent Green was the man? He’s had as many concussions as you had points in like a three game span. And John Beck? Really? By the time that kid learns to play football, he’ll be 36 and yet another savior for Miami that never showed up.

We like that kid, Lorenzo Booker you guys brought in. Good looking football player. And that center from USC is a good player too. But Ginn Jr? Really? You put all your eggs in his basket? Good luck making an omelet after dropping that one.

So, we tried. We wanted to like your, “I’m a loveable coach thing”, but plain and simply, we grew tired of it. Like Bobby Petrino, don’t let the swinging glass door hit you on the way out.

Good luck in your future endeavors. I’m sure someone will hire you.

Then again, we were sure you’d win more then one game for us. And boy where we wrong about that.

BAM! Hit the road jack, and don’t you come back. No more, no more, no more, no more.

Sincerely,
The Big Tuna”

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