A quick hit-list on what to look forward to, one week from Tourney time

SCOTT JACOBS

Got your notebook? A pen? A labtop? Whatever, just jot down these tid bits, because these truths will be self evident once again in the NCAA Tournament.

1. A 12 seed almost always beats a 5.
Translation: 5 seeds are over-rated? 12 seeds are under-rated? Something like that.

2. A 1 seed never loses to a 16
Translation: It’s never happened. That said, it probably will this tournament, just because I said that.

3. Gus Johnson should announce every game… like ever
Tranlsation: Gus Johnson makes me feel like a better person. Seriously, watch a game he announces and you too will be ready to build a sky scrapper, climb a mountain, and fly to the moon, all in the same day.

4. Dick Vitale gets really happy this time of year
Translation: His excitement is awesome baby!, and rumor has it he likes watching Duke play NC.

5. Someone will get snubbed
Translation: No matter how many teams who get into the tournament, one team, usually more like 8 or 9, will feel they got robbed. If your name is Syracuse or Maryland though, we will laugh at you and throw rocks at you.

6. Sunshine State Sadness
Translation: UF won the title two years in a row, but won’t even get in this year. FSU isn’t good enough. So who’s left? Miami. Yeah, Frank Haith has done a great job leading Miami to a great season, but expecting them to last through the first weekend woud be a bit of a stretch

7. At least one two seed/fifteen seed match-up will be a lot closer than you think
Translation: Fifteen seeds like the spot-light. Two seeds tend to take their lofty status for granted

8. George Mason will be over-hyped going into the tourney
Translation: And they’ll be the second Patriots team not to make it through the playoffs unscathed.

9. One North Carolina powerhouse will not make the Final Four
Translation: You know who we’re talking about. NC State of course.

10. Memphis will make the Final Four
Translation: We didn’t say that they couldn’t go as spectators if they get bounced in the Elite Eight Again

11. Gus Johnson will have one call that will instantly become the most watched clip on YouTube
Translation: You can bet your house on that one

12. At least one team seeded 10 or higher will make the Elite Eight
Translation: You hear that San Diego? I’m banking on you.

13. The 7-10 game is even
Translation: There really is no such thing as an upset in this game, even though seeds may prove otherwise

14. CBS’s lame coverage will force you to watch at least one game on your computer
Translation: When you start seeing spots after watching 10 games in a row, it is advised to take a break and resume watching on TV

15. James Brown will suck as an announcer
Translation: Stick to pre-game and post-game shows buddy.

16. You will become obsessed in an unhealthy way over your busted bracket
Translation: Being 112,890th in your ESPN Tourney contest isn’t really that good

17. You will attempt to predict a ridulous upset with no confidence in it, and it will come true making you look like a genius even though you just flipped a coin.
Translation: Coins are good. Betting your mortgage payment on them: not so good.

18. You will watch a few first round games between teams you couldn’t name one player on
Translation: You’re a trooper, it’s not like you’re doing anything productive with your life anyways (All in the name of research (ya know, for 2009)).

19. You think you know, but you have no idea
Translation: Your guess is as good as mine. A blind monkey with a computer could do well in a tournament pick em’ contest.
Translation 2: You aren’t that smart

20. You learned nothing from this article
Translation: Ha! (But seriously, a 12 will beat a 5)

21. The NCAA Tournament show is so boring but you know you’ll watch it
Translation: We all do. Some of us even TIVO it. Yeah, Tivooooooooooo…

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