COLIN LINNEWEBER
Big Media Bias Without the Boston Bullshit

JASON GIAMBI
New York Yankees first baseman Jason Giambi revealed this week that he wears a gold lame, tiger-striped thong when he is mired in a prolonged batting slump.

“I only put it on when I’m desperate to get out of a big slump,” the abuser of steroids told Portfolio.com.

“The Giambino,” a non-blinking freak whose body is engulfed with tattoos, has shared his erotic undergarment with teammates Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Johnny Damon, Robin Ventura and Robinson Cano to help them with their hitting struggles at various points since becoming a Bomber in 2002.

As if it hasn’t been difficult enough to support a team that employs the frost-tipped Alex Rodriguez and the neanderthalic Kyle Farnsworth, Giambi’s disclosure adds yet another embarrassing layer to the teams present makeup. As my friend Ben Williams said regarding the Bombers current roster, “We might have to put one or two of the players down like Eight Belles to get back on track.” Amen, Brother Williams. Euthanizing may be the only legitimate answer to cure all that ails the organization from the Bronx.

ARLEN SPECTER
In the late-1990’s, the phrase “what would Jesus do?” again became a popular motto uttered by thousands and thousands of Christians everywhere. In light of Arlen Specter’s holy work last week, I am considering following the words, “What would Arlen do?”

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