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NBA Playoffs: Where Dumb Analysts Happen

The NBA playoffs are on TV, and that means that stupid analysts and commentators are also on TV.


Maybe it was before Game 3 of the Cavs-Celtics series when the two analysts completely contradicted each other as to who felt the pressure, maybe it was at the end of the first half that game when the sideline reporter asked Wally Szczerbiak, “How did the basket look?” but at some point, I was thinking, “Whoa, TNT and ESPN sure don’t bring their best TV teams to the postseason.”

Okay, maybe they do, but that’s just a sad commentary on how good their TV teams really are. It was especially Game 3 I noticed it. They had to have been really stupid that game, because most games I don’t even know what they’re saying–I just tune them out–but if I can remember what they said, boy it’s stupid.

It all started when Michael Wilbon and some other guy were talking before the game about who felt more pressure. (Excuse me while I YouTube myself talking about how Wilbon sucks so that I can stop writing blog posts altoghether and make the move to TV.) (The only reason I’m watching these clowns anyway is because they scheduled the game for 8, but apparently tip-off was delayed by half an hour (because a mascot jumped through a flaming hoop?) so the pregame show had to continue an extra half hour. It happened again last night. Weird.) (Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled column:)

One of the guys, Wilbon I think, said that Cleveland felt more pressure because you can’t go down 3-0 then win. Nevermind the fact that you have to win 4 games to win a series, that kind of insight is what you pay commentators for. I mean, sure it’s possible to win a series after going down 3-0, but it’s still very hard, and you need to really know sports to be able to realize that and express it.

The next guy is like, yeah, well, Boston feels more pressure cuz they have to prove they can win on the road. Oh really? They’re up 2-0, and they’re the favored team to win the series. They’ve got home court advantage. Not like they can win the series 4-3 is it?

Then during the first half, Wally Szczczczczcerbiak (need some more z’s?) hits a lot of three-pointers, so they ask him at halftime how the basket looked.

“Kind of round and orange with a net hanging down from it.”

He could have at least taken their worm and responded:
“Yeah, it was as big as the ocean. LOL.”

But, no, he didn’t play into their hands. He’s like, “Yeah, we got the ball down court, my teammates got me the ball, good open shots, don’t taze me bro, good offense, teamwork, hope, change, yes we can.”

Delonte West had a great game, scoring 21, and another funny point was when the commentators were talking for about 5 minutes about where West went to college, etc. (You need to know the player’s backgrounds when you watch them play, right?)

Actually, that was good commentary, because I’m kind of surprised West went to college. This guy is from the hood, rough around the edges, y’know? He told ESPN Page 2 that his ideal Valentine’s Day would include eating Popeyes Chicken on a yatch because:

It’s to let her know, put a mental image on her mind, first and foremost, if you ain’t from the hood, you don’t like Popeyes chicken. … ‘Yeah, I can wine and dine you, but I’m a little rough around the edges and I’m keeping it real with you. I can be romantic, but this is real, we’re going to eat some chicken tonight. Chicken and biscuits.’”

Then there’s this interview here where West says that if he could be anyone for a day he’d be Bugs Bunny.

I was hoping for some more of his gems at the end of the game, but I guess a good agent would put a clause in his comment that he can’t give post-game interviews…

One thing the commentators should spend five minutes talking about is his tattoos:

They did mention that one of his Chinese tattoos is routinely laughed at by Chinese people at Chinese restaurants. This is why NBA players should consult Yao Ming before getting Chinese letters inscribed on their bodies.

Next game is Wednesday in Boston. Get yo popcorn ready, folks. It’s gonna be a good pregame show.

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5 Responses to “NBA Playoffs: Where Dumb Analysts Happen”

  1. haha, we gave 110%, there’s no “I” in team, the other team played hard, no body believed in us but ourselves

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