The Week That Was
COLIN LINNEWEBER
I welcome you all and thank you for taking the time to give me some of your time. I hope I am able to entertain you with my rapid take on the week that was in the world of sports.
MARVIN HARRISON
Seemingly wholesome Indianapolis Colts wide receiver Marvin Harrison is under investigation for a shooting that occurred outside a bar on Tuesday in his hometown of Philadelphia. Lt. Frank Vanore said Friday that Harrison, 35, has not been arrested nor have charges been filed against the former Syracuse star.
“He (Harrison) was interviewed,” said Vanore. “Why he was interviewed, that is all a part of the investigation. No one is a suspect.”
Granted, perception is not always reality and it is impossible for anyone who doesn’t genuinely know Harrison to testify about his character. But, from afar, Marvin-freaking-Harrison is being investigated for shooting a man! I thought Ned Flanders would rape a nun before the legendary Colt was being fried by Philly’s finest for firing a firearm. As the adage goes, “Don’t sit too close to the ballerina. You will lose the illusion.”
LEITCH VERSUS BISSINGER
The founding editor of the enormously popular Gawker Media sports blog Deadspin, Will Leitch, was verbally-slaughtered by Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter and author Buzz Bissinger this week on Bob Costas’ HBO series “Costas Now.”
The menacing and over-the-top Bissinger intimidated Leitch to the point that the blogger looked like he wanted to crawl into the fetal position to get away from the man who penned “Friday Night Lights.”
“I really think you’re full of shit,” Bissinger sermonized Leitch. “I think that blogs are dedicated to cruelty, dedicated to dishonesty… It is the complete dumbing down of our society.”
Leitch looked pathetic during the segment and his lack of moxie makes me think that a yellow streak runs down his scrawny back. It was truly disheartening to watch the Godfather of Sports bloggers go down like an intern in the Oval Office to an aging windbag like Bissinger. In my eyes, Leitch is dead and there is no other way to spin it.
KOBE BRYANT
The Los Angeles Times reported on its website Friday that Lakers icon Kobe Bryant has won his first NBA MVP award and he will be presented with the trophy this week by league commissioner David Stern. Bryant, 29, the two-time defending scoring champion, led the Hollywood Fakers (57-25) to the best record in the Western Conference this year and he averaged 28.3 points, 6.3 rebounds and 5.4 assists per game despite tearing a ligament in his right pinkie finger in early-February.
Below is what I wrote regarding the MVP race in the middle of April.
http://juicedsportsblog.com/2008/04/eric-cartman-pink-floyd-victory-smokes-more.html
LEBRON JAMES
Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers, Kevin Garnett of the Boston Celtics and Chris Paul of the New Orleans Hornets were all tremendous this season and the entire trio deserves credit for the enormous impact that they had on their respective teams in the 2007/2008 campaign. Nevertheless, as Bill Parcells is known to say, “the numbers don’t lie.” Cleveland Cavaliers superstar Lebron James, 23, recorded statistics this year that were otherworldly (30.0 points, 7.9 rebounds, 7.2 assists) and if he doesn’t win the award it’s an injustice to both himself and to the league. Without King James, the Cavaliers would have been hard-pressed to win more than 10 games this season and I for one believe that they could have lost to Michael J Fox’s squad in Teen Wolf.
KOBE BRYANT
Still, when sentimentality and politics play their roles. look for Bryant to win his first lifetime achievement award (MVP) when the votes are collected.
I hate to tell you all that I told you so. But….
ZBIKOWSKI VERSUS LEWIS
Former Notre Dame standout safety Tom Zbikowski was drafted last week in the third round of the 2008 NFL Draft by the Baltimore Ravens. Zbikowski, 22, a Golden Gloves boxing champion from Chicago who Irish Head Coach Charlie Weiss calls “all day tough,” will soon be one of the scrappiest people residing in the ultra-violent “Bodymore, Murdaland.” All football fans realize that the preseason is a charade and the sole intention of every one of the games is for both competing teams to emerge unscathed and healthy. So, to create a rush of excitement, league officials should cancel the Ravens exhibition contests this summer and instead sanction a best-of-three street fight between teammates Zbikowski and notorious bad-ass and acquitted murderer Ray Lewis, 32, at M&T Bank Stadium. The donnybrook could be billed as “the Catholic Crusader” versus “the Bloody Raven” and it would be the best thing to happen to Charm City since the unveiling of crab cakes. Arranging such an epic showdown should be more than food for thought for Commissioner Roger Goodell. For the sake of monotony and meaningless rehearsals, it should become Goodell’s main priority this off-season.
JONES LOVES PIGS
The Dallas Cowboys raised many observers eyebrows last Saturday when they selected former Arkansas running back Felix Jones with the 22nd overall selection in the draft. Jones, 20, is a decent runner who may excel on the next level. But, he was not worthy of being chosen at such an early juncture. At this point, in lieu of the Cowboys dogged determination to also land SEC star Darren McFadden, one truly needs to wonder if Dallas’ Owner and Arkansas alumni Jerry Jones has erotic dreams about Razorbacks running in the hot Texas sun. It may be the only way to make sense of “Felix the Cat’s” inexplicable ascension in the draft and the oil tycoon’s enormous adoration of pigs in motion.
ROGER CLEMENS
I will leave you all with a joke that my friend and co-worker told me earlier in the week.
Q: What does Boston Red Sox pitcher Roger Clemens and a blackjack dealer have in common?
A: They both hit on 15.
Thanks again. Without your readership, I would have absolutely zero reason to write.
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you are a slime sucking gutter rat - your description of Leitch sounds very similar to a discription of yourself - the whole yellow streak down is scrawny back thing and of course you should know as you,ve seen his back close up I’m sure.
Thanks for pointing out the one time any prognostication on your part ever came to fruition - I thought I felt the world stop for just an instant.
I also note that you made sure to mention that Clemens was a Boston Red Sox picture when he hit on 15 - he was such a saint while with the Yankees. Hank would be pround of your propaganda.
You my friend are sitting too close to the ballerina.
hammer types like an angry drunk rube.
Hammer’s a loose-cannon who recently got sprung from Walpole
Not drunk too many oxies - its not walpole anymore its called cedar junction - enjoy the sauna pickle smoochers
Mayor of Awesometown that’s so cool. What state is that in, the state of Lame
What is a Rube?
Wow do you actually watch college football. Did you not see Felix Jones rip up the SEC to the tune of over 8 yards per carry. As a Cowboys fan I am glad we got him as he is the perfect complement to Barber and as a Texas Longhorns fan, I am so happy he is gone as they play Arkie next year.
whoa, wait, hold on, isnt hammer the guy who used to date jim j bullock?
I just call him BIG JIM and it wasn’t really dating more like friends with bennies
Yo xtoyoface - is that name due to you enjoying receiving facials cuz I got something for you
I like to stick my fingers in my anus and then sniff them
Wow. Just when i thought it was not humanly possible to find sports topics LESS interesting and relevant than the NY Knicks and the NY Jets, you manage to dig up this Leach vs Kissinger story. Bravo…..a new low.
i thought the old adage went “Don’t sit to close to a Yankee fan…..you’ll lose your erection”. But what do i know?
It’s amazing how quickly you are to quote yourself and say ‘i told ya so’ with a prediction as painfully obvious as Kobe winning the MVP. Know who else predicted that? Britney Spears, Stephen A. Smith and everyone who voted for George W. Bush…..so what’s that tell ya?
On behalf of the Juiced sportsblog nation, we DEMAND, that you cut/paste all you’re horseshit predictions about Phil Hughes winning a Cy Young award, and Ian Kennedy blossoming ahead of the ‘mediocre’ (now 5-0) Dice K Matsuzaka, Clay Bling-Bling Buchholz (still yet to wear actual jewelry around his neck during an MLB game) and Jon “sorry you had cancer but you still suck” Lester. ……..Huh? HUH? Speak up Gump! It’s time to face the music. Insert foot in mouth (along with with your sauna buddy’s kalk). Let’s see some cut/paste work from the archives and hear your explanation.
Ouch - cut it out guys that really hurts
oooops
Our intrepid blogger and uber yankee fan Itchy Linneweber was spotted in the owner’s box at the stadium. We think it was Itchy but can’t confirm 100% - only the back of his bobbing head was spotted - similtaniously Hank Steinbrenner was also seen in the owner’s box smiling and exhaling a marlboro.
ohhh yeah … just like that … you’re sooooo good