How about land you the top pick in the NBA Draft when you have no right in the world to get it

SCOTT JACOBS

You feeling lucky punk?

Yeah you Chicago. You just pulled off the heist of the post-season when you stole the number one pick in the NBA’s annual Rip-off-teams-palooza (aka: the NBA Draft lottery). With a minuscule 1.7% chance to land the number one pick, the Bulls, who finished with the ninth worst record in the league, got to Secaucus, NJ hoping that their 2.4% chance to get in the top three, would possibly land them six spots higher. Instead, they hit the jackpot, vaulting over league worst Miami and Dwayne Wade, to snag either Derick Rose or Michael Beasley.

Tough decision. But who ever thought they would have that decision to make?

For that matter, how does the NBA’s Draft lottery allow such blasphemy to happen?

If I had to go with a ridiculous scenario going into the night, I would have picked the Knicks to get a top two pick. (The whole Mike D’Antoni, bring back the swagger back to the Gawwwwwwwwwden type thing, just screamed conspiracy). But New York stayed right where they were. At number six.

D’Antoni opted for the opportunity to ressurect a trainwreck over a Bulls team a year removed from a Conference Semi-Finals appearance. And now the Bulls have the number one pick. The story is so good it just has to be fattening.

Meanwhile, Kevin Durant was unable to bring second worst Seattle a top two pick. Instead, the Sonics who had a 17.07% chance to land the third pick, an 18.78% chance to land the second pick, and a 19.90% chance to land the top pick, fell all the way to number four. The tough luck franchise got bitch slapped by the karma gods who have probably been watching their ugly legal battle ensue. I can vouch that Seattle/On Our way to Oklahoma, heck just name us the Barons and give us black and gold unis, were prime candidates to get screwed. The NBA hates what’s happening with the whole situation, and after Seattle lucked out landing Durant last year, karma was not going to let a bunch of greedy jerks inherit another kinda/sorta sure thing.

So here’s the skinny on the fat.

1. Chicago- Go buy a lottery ticket Bulls fans. Today is your lucky day!
2. Miami- Well, at least we get Beasley or Rose, though not the position to pick. Scraps could be worse though.
3. Minnesota- Boston and KG take on Detroit in the Conference Finals on ABC/ESPN. We jumped up a spot from number four, but we still won’t be relevent for another 230 years.

As for the Lottery itself:

1. Only teams with the top 5 crappy records should get a shot at the number one pick. The Bulls won 33 games. That’s 18 more then the Miami Heat!

2. Cut the crud ESPN. The lottery actually happened hours ago, with the build up started at 7:30, and didn’t end until about 8:17 Eastern time when the envelopes were finally opened. 47 minutes of “just announce the damn lottery already” is enough to cause even the most casual of fans a hint of aggravation.

3. Stop the celebrity interviews. Ask me if I care that Jay Z is a minority owner of the Nets. Go ahead, ask me! No. I couldn’t care less. And if I wanted to see celebrities boring the crap out of me, I’d watch MTV. Moronic Television.

As for the playoffs…

1. Nothing’s a sure thing. New Orleans should be back next year, but who knows. A year ago the Bulls were chic picks to go to the East finals, and they failed to make the playoffs in the EAST. A slipup in the west with Portland on the rise and at least seven other quality teams means that the Hornets should not take anything for granted.

2. Chris Paul is a fabulous player, but he needs to develop akiller instinct. He needs the ball in his hands late in games, not Pargo. Not Stojakovich. Paul needs that D-Wade rage, where he just goes off, and scores 13 unanswered himself. Once Paul does that, the Hornets (who will reportedly be styling new unis next year) will be golden.

3. Give me LA. If I had to venture odds on teams left in the post-season and who has the best shot to win it all based from worst odds to least, this would be my list:

4. Boston- Win a road game and then we’ll talk
3. Detroit- I’ve got a funny feeling they’re going to the Finals
2. San Antonio- That game seven win in N’Orleans was impressive
1. Los Angeles- It kills me to admit this, but it’s their championship to win this year.

One final thought:

With 2:35 to go in the first it was Boston 12 Detroit 11. That was with Detroit on an 8-0 run. I just hope this isn’t a sign of offensive mediocrity to come. We shall see.

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