It’s the first ever draft diary… at least in the history of this glorious establishment, so you’d be a fool not to read all the witty commentary, and insightful insight, that will probably be horribly wrong in o, give or take 2 years. With that said, here goes nothing

SCOTT JACOBS

7:01- Alright, here we go! ESPN’s got the inspirational music going, 100% reason to watch this draft tonight, this should be one heck of an evening. I usually watch the draft, but this year seems to be one of the most exciting in years. So get out the team jerseys, the draft hats, find a snug spot on the couch and indulge in the one week and two day anniversary of Boston’s first championship since 1987!

BTW: Chicago’s picking D-Rose. It’s not a bold decision, but I’m convinced that’s their man. I’d be legitimately surprised if he falls through the cracks of the number one pick. We just need 30 more minutes for them to confirm what we’ve all believed they would do all along.

7:06- The Bulls will indeed go with Rose. Now it’s just dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s. And it appears that the Heat will smarten up and pick Beasley. Though the last time I was convinced a Miami team would surely pick a player (ala: Brady Quinn) they went with Ted Ginn Jr.

7:09- Jeff Van Gundy: “Michael Beasley will be a hall of fame player.” Easy Jeff, you’ve got all night to say crazy things.

7:10- Mayo would have been the first player taken if he didn’t have to go to college, but Beasley was a better player in college, and boy can that guy rebound. Thats the difference if you ask me.

7:12- Dick Vitale: “20 and 10 every night” for Beasley. Miami Heat fans: “can we get that in writing?”

7:14- This is the one night where every player looks clean cut and well dressed. Well… almost every player. But isn’t it funny what these guys look like when they don’t have tattoos? It’s like Edgerrin James without pads: a totally different animal!

7:42- Rose certainly won’t win any speaking awards, but he does go number one to Chicago.

7:50- Beasley to the Heat. Mayo to the Wolves. I’m predicting the Sonics go with Lopez or Bayless.

7:51- O.J. Mayo looks like he’s 27. He looks more like a college professor then a college dropout. That voice is deep!

7:54- Seattle has so many picks that they’ve unofficially agreed to leave two of them in Seattle if the city lets them bolt to Oklahoma City.

7:55- New York won’t get one of their guys, as Russell Westbrook gets taken by Seattle. The first of two Bruins who were sure picks to get into the lottery.

7:58- That was a really short interview with Westbrook. Apparently, one question is all you get after the first three picks.

7:59- Bayless falls in New York’s lap and they take him with the sixth pick. That’s my gut pick with the Knicks two picks away.

8:00- Memphis went 9-27 after the Pau Gasol trade. Yeah, that and the Lakers made the Finals. Definitely a good trade for the Grizz.

8:01- Bruin #2 gets taken, as Kevin Love goes to Memphis to play with Elvis, I mean, Jarvis Crittendon? Is that his name. Something like that. Have fun playing in the NBA city that is probably next after Seattle to lose their team.

8:02- My dad: “It’s funny how NBA players wear a hat in the draft. You never see them wear a hat any other time.” Good point, basketball is one of the only big sports were your head stays lidless.

8:04- Love is the first white guy to get picked. We’ll keep an eye on that tally as the night goes. And when we say white, we mean American white. Sort of like the American white cheese. Yeah, something like that…

8:05- New York is on the clock. Odds of Knick fans booing the pick: 2-1.

8:07- With the sixth pick, the New York Knicks go with… the Italian guy! Danilo Gallinari. Knicks fans don’t sound too pleased. Welcome to the Big Apple buddy! He’s the first international guy to get picked. Number six overall.

8:08- Reebok has already made the “Rooster” shoe in honor of Gallinari? Um, yeah, The Answer, The Truth, and The Rooster? Sorry Italy, not feeling it!

8:10- “New York is the best city in the world” Gallinari says, as Knick fans boo their brains off. “I like to win and play hard.” Um, yeah…?

8:12- Eric Gordon goes to… the Clips. He gets the honor of being LA’s 20th lottery pick. Congrats, now welcome to Purgatory. By the way: Clippers wanted him, and were willing to go to four for him, so getting him at seven is a nice coup for LA. They’ll team him up with Al Thornton. Should be a nice scoring duo.

8:15- Wow, Gordon looks like he’s 15. What a baby face. Another freshman goes in the top ten.

8:17- What a weird looking ball they play with in Italy. And you thought the ABA was bad.

8:18- The Bucks take Joe Alexander with the 8th pick. “A freak of an athlete,” said Jay Bilas. Look at Milwaukee’s roster now: Alexander, Jefferson, Redd, Bogut, that team is looking very playoff ready. They stay healthy I like their chances of avoiding the lottery in 2009.

8:21- “I can’t wait to get there” says Alexander of going to Milwaukee. Well, that makes one of us I suppose.

8:25- The Charlotte Bobcats go with D.J. Augustin out of Hook Em’ Horns Texas. Brooke Lopez hides his head in disgust. Augustin is 5′11. That’s tiny. meanwhile, Bayless continues to free fall, probably out of the top 10. “5′11 I didn’t even know that they pick people that little anymore,” said my dad. Yup, no rule on height just yet.

The draft is like someone who gets drunk. You love it at the beginning. It’s still good when you’re buzzed, and then you sober up, and realize, damn this is pretty boring.

8:27- “I’m ready to take on any challenge,” said Augustin. What is he supposed to say, “crap, I had to end up with this piece of garbage team?” Seriously.

8:29- “Brooke Lopez just leaned over to his mother and whispered, well ma, there goes the house,” said my dad. Hilarious stuff. Brady Quinn anybody?

8:30- Brook Lopez is off the board. His brother cheers, and New Jersey gets a building block for 2010 when they land, allegedly Lebron James. Lopez makes Stern “look like a little kid.”

8:31- “New Jersey had to wear a mask, because they just got a really good steal” says Bilas of the pick. “I can’t wait,” says Robin Lopez, as he waits to get picked. “Do they have a hat big enough for his head?,” my dad asks?

8:33- Brook sounds retarded. Listen how loud he’s speaking? “He sounds like an idiot, but he’s rich now” says my dad. Could be worse right?

8:35- Finally Bayless gets taken. The Pacers pick him 11th. The 5th Pac 10 player taken in the first 11. Wow.

8:37- Trying to find an NBA draftee who really sounds excited is like watching paint dry. Boring and pointless.

8:45- Portland’s on the clock. isn’t there a rule on how many awesome young players you can have on one team?

8:47- Brandon Rush gets taken by Portland. Wow, that team is going to be loaded! I was hoping he would fall to Phoenix, but that is null and void now. Heaven forbid Phoenix get a guy who can defend!

8:50- The Warriors are up now. The best team not to make the playoffs. Unfortunately, that saying won’t sell many t-shirts or hats. If they were in the East, their 48 wins would have put them fourth.

8:51- Anthony Randolph from the Bayou goes to G-State. “Painfully thin,” says Bilas of the freshman. Thin as a rail Bilas? Too soon? Too soon? By the way: they said that about Chris Bosh, and I heard he turned out okay.

8:53- Chrystal Randolph is his mom. That’s a cool name. Now she can buy the drink to match the name.

8:55- Vitale was shocked by Seattle’s pick. They should have went with Love he believed. “I think they’re really going to regret not taking Kevin Love,” he said. Uh O, Vitale pulls out the Darko comparison on Gallinari. “Gallinari and D’Antoni, sounds like a great Italian restaurant,” believes Vitale. Would you eat there? Yeah, maybe for me too.

8:56- “He’s incredible” says my dad. “Announcers could learn a thing or two from him.”

8:57- And the Suns select Robin Lopez. “Does that mean they’re getting rid of Shaq,” asks my dad? Suns fans can only hope. The hat barely fits Lopez’ head, but it looks nice I suppose. The Terry Porter era in the Valley of the Sun has officially begun as the Suns go for defense and shot-blocking. It’s okay you can say that again: defense.

8:59- “Look at that hat,” says my dad. It’s hanging on his head by a thread. Gotta love that head of hair.

9:00- Interest begins to wane in the draft now that Phoenix and Miami have picked, so we do what any other self respecting red blooded American would do: we turn to Deal or No Deal.

9:02- Here’s a thought, why not take the guys who get selected for Deal or No Deal, and have them translate what college players drafted are saying. Sort of like the Geico commercial. For example, it would be so much more exciting if Rose’s interview went like this:

“Rose: I’m excited.”Contestant: This is so freaking awesome man I think I’m going to piss myself.”

Now that would make great theater. I think I’m going to petition the league to get that rule going.

9:08- The Pacers take… Roy Hibbert? Talk about the guy who should have been the guy who left a year earlier. Hibbert goes 17th. In the meantime, Hibbert would have probably been top five last year. See kids, staying in college isn’t always the smartest decision. In fact it can be a very irresponsible one.

9:12- Wired: “I’m going to be like Brady Quinn,” says Brook Lopez, as he waited for his name to get called. That was my line!

9:13- Terry Porter, don’t sound too excited about being on TV, you might hurt yourself.

9:14- Now we get to the no namers as JaVale McGee goes 18th to Washington. “He needs to learn the game, he needs to learn how to play,” says Bilas. “That’s great,” said my dad. Yeah, he sounds like a sure thing (wink wink).

9:15- Indiana and Portland make a trade shipping Bayless and Diogu to Portland. “That must suck,” says my dad. “You get picked and now you have to change teams.” Quick take the picture: Bayless in a Blazers hat when the Pacers just traded for him. Somewhere out there a basketball card just became rare.

9:18- The Cavs could really use a superstar. They should pick Kosta Koufos. “Sounds like a country,” my dad says. Certainly would be a big place.

9:20- Take a fresh piece of gum and enjoy it,” says Marc Jackson of Darrell Arthur’s wait. Huh?

9:21- Lebron’s new sidekick: J.J. Hickson. Yet another freshman. That’s eight guys picked who stuck around for one year of college who’ve been taken so far tonight. Damn, I should have made myself eligible. I just finished my freshman year!

9:24- Side note: I can’t be the only one dying to see The Pineapple Express. That movie just screams “epic.” Ya know, like The Love Guru. It’s okay, it’s okay, I was just kidding. I’m not that sick in the head.

9:26- The draft is like someone who gets drunk. You love it at the beginning. It’s still good when you’re buzzed, and then you sober up, and realize, damn this is pretty boring. Charlotte takes Alexis Ajinca from France. One person claps. No one has any idea of who this guy is. “He looked great one on zero,” said Fran Fraschila. Uh, what?

9:28- His wingspan is 7″8′! Wow.

9:30- “The Nets are trying to get better,” says Marc Jackson. Really? Is that the goal? Who knew. How could no one have signed this guy to be their coach?

9:33- Darrell Arthur is… not selected? Poor guy. The Nets take Ryan Anderson instead. “He can really score,” says Bilas. “Why is he so low then?,” asks my dad on point.

9:36- I guess even ESPN loses interest eventually, as their ticker disappears, and you just have to guess when someone will get their name called by the commish.

9:37- This I found strange: while they hold the draft at the WaMu theater inside Madison Square, the Liberty (New York’s WNBA team) play a game against the Fever. Odd that they would hold both on the same night.

9:39- Alright, I tried. But I can’t do it. It’s too hard to care about the draft once you get outside of the first two hours.

9:40- I guess better luck next year.

12:36- With the first pick of the 2009 NBA Draft the Memphis Grizzlies select…

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