COLIN LINNEWEBER
Big City Bias Without the Boston Bullshit

HANK STEINBRENNER
New York Yankees ace Chien-Ming Wang injured his right foot running the bases last Sunday in a 13-0 interleague win versus the Astros at Minute Made Park in Houston. Wang, 28, who is 54-20 since debuting in the Bronx in 2005, suffered a mid-foot sprain of the Lisfranc ligament and a partial tear of the peroneus longus and he will be on the disabled list until at least September with his injuries. Wang’s wounds severely chapped the ass of the Bomber’s brazen, chain-smoking owner, Hank Steinbrenner, who faults the National League and their rules for his pitcher’s bummed hoof.

“My only message is simple. The National League needs to join the 21st century,” Steinbrenner said in Tampa, Fla. “They need to grow up and join the 21st century.”

After providing his evolutionary vision, Hankenstein continued and claimed that he is not alone with his gripes.

“This is always a concern of American League teams when their pitchers have to run the bases and they’re not used to doing it,” Steinbrenner said. “It’s not just us. It’s everybody. It probably should be a concern for National League owners, general managers and managers when their pitchers run the bases. Pitchers have enough to do without having to do that.”

I think highly of Hank and I have been outspoken with my belief that he should be considered for Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year Award.” Nevertheless, even a great visionary and pragmatist like Hank can be wrong on occasion and he is wrong in this instance.

Wang’s injuries were a byproduct of terrible luck and to propose abolishing National League rules because of one unfortunate happening is ludicrous. Furthermore, Hank sounds asinine when he suggests that a pitcher is baseball’s answer to a specialized placekicker in football. A pitcher is a baseball player and baseball players are athletes that need to run periodically in their profession.

“Contrary to some people’s belief, baseball players are athletes, and running should be a part of their athletic endeavor,” Yankees Manager Joe Girardi said.”I haven’t seen an injury while running the bases happen to another pitcher. I think it’s somewhat of a freak accident.”

Hank needs to relax and take a drag of one of his smokes and exhale. This is baseball and, as we all learned in the movie A League of Their Own, “There’s no crying in baseball.”

BOSTON “SUCKS”!
The Boston Celtics routed the badly overrated Los Angeles Lakers 131-92 Tuesday night at the TD Banknorth Garden to win their 17th championship in franchise history. Thousands upon thousands of newly-minted Celtics fans swarmed the streets of Beantown to celebrate their team’s decisive Game 6 victory over the West Coast Fakers.

The number 17 is a very ironic numeral regarding the rebirth of the storied Celtics organization. Boston won their 17th crown on the 17th day of June and before this season there was a grand sum of 17 Celtics fans in the entire New England region. Now, because the Celtics have returned to prominence for the first time since the Reagan Administration, the entire northeast is cloaked in shamrock green and rejoicing like wasted leprechauns.

Like former Celtics Head Coach and motivational speaker Rick Pitino once said regarding the city of Boston and its fans, “This town sucks.”

Amen, Rick.

JEREMY SHOCKEY FOR JASON TAYLOR?
Legendary New York Giants defensive end Michael Strahan retired last week after playing 15-seasons in the National Football League. Strahan’s retirement leaves the Big Blue with a void on their defensive line and some have speculated that the Giants may attempt to fill that space by negotiating a trade with the Miami Dolphins for their DE Jason Taylor. To attain one of People magazine’s “Most Beautiful People” of 2008, New York would allegedly send their disgruntled tight end, Jeremy Shockey, 27, to South Beach for Taylor, 33.

In brief, there is a better chance that the Pope will cozy-up in a synagogue than there is of a Shockey for Taylor exchange actually transpiring. In 2003, Shockey was quoted in New York Magazine as calling the Dolphins Executive Vice President of Football Operations, Bill Parcells, a “homo” and a “quitter.”

Parcells may be able to survive being labeled a “quitter.” But, the Big Tuna will never forgive Shockey for questioning his sexuality (especially now that he runs a team that wears pink and teal). Jeremy Shockey will probably not play for the New York Giants this year. But, rest assured, he won’t be paying for the Florida Flamingos either.

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