Internet sensation and growing (uh) sport/sensation did nothing for me in it’s CBS debut

SCOTT JACOBS

If it’s good enough for Gus I figured it just might be good enough for me. But even with the almighty Gus Johnson, YouTube legend for his brilliant NCAA Tourney calls in years past, calling the shots, I was, uh, pretty bored.

CBS marketed the living daylights out of their MMA Mainstream debut, but after about six minutes, I was ready to hit the snooze button.

CBS Sports tried hard too. They had the cheesy theme music, the locker-room interviews, the stories behind these uh, athletes?, and a rowdy crowd inside the Prudential Center in beautiful Newark, New Jersey. Ha, Newark beautiful. I’ll get myself to believe that as soon I can get myself to enjoy MMA or as CBS called it Elite XC.

Glorified Boxing if you ask me with kicking included.

They had the sexy ringside girls, the ring that was, o my goodness, a circle with fences around it (how scary), and the macho ref who looked like he was a former bouncer at some crappy club. They had the excited PA ringside announcer, and like three separate introductions for each fighter, bringing the viewer to nauseam.

It looked like a dud, most of the fights were, in my opinion, a dud, and how can you take a sport seriously when it’s biggest star has two wins in the uh, league?

Late 11 pm eastern time saw the TV debut of the much hyped Kimbo Slice. ESPN, which doesn’t give a smurf about hockey, but is happy to open its arms to lame wannabee boxing-esque activites like this, even featured Kevin Ferguson, aka: Slice on it’s ESPN Magazine cover.

And then they rang the bell, he went to fight, and he was on the ground within like 30 seconds. Wow, riveting. The guy he fought, came into the ring with a golf ball sized ear. By the time the fight was over, and Slice somehow won, this guy looked like his ear was ready to fall off.

Uh, not for me.

The rules of this so-called sensation escaped me. Three five minute rounds and you could win one of three ways, KO, Submission, and uh, I forget the other one. Guys and girls were laying on the ground getting choked for like a minute at a time, and it was about as exciting as watching paint dry.

And let me get this straight. America is sick of violent video games such as GTA, yet they’re ready to embrace a sport where you basically try to unofficially kill each other? Wow, we really are hypocrites.

Slice apparently wants to rip off a guys arm and hit him with it. Good role model huh? And how tacky was the logo-palooza within the ring. Burger King, Rockstar… should be more like the Nearest Medical Center if you’re crazy anough to get involved with this.

So I watched. I tried.

I settled on hockey. Graceful violence. Talented violence. Violence that has a purpose. The goal is to score goals, not rip your opponents arm off. The goal is to win and defend.

Elite XC just felt like a whole lot of nothing.

This is the future I thought to myself?

This and $5.00 gas prices?

Wow, we really are screwed.

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