Baseball finally resumes the second half (in full) tonight, and you can say you survived the worst midweek in the sports calendar

SCOTT JACOBS

“I’m so cold. I think I see Blue. He looks glorious!”- Will Ferrell, Old School

Sports fans were seeing blue to this week as they actually had to leave their houses to find something to do outside. But worry no longer, the miserable half week that is the Midsummer Classic is over. Everything’s behind us. We survived it.

For your troubles here’s a stunning Marlins Mermaid to cheer you up!
Now let’s move forward amicably, removing ourselves from simulated conversations like these:

Wednesday

You: “Alright self, what the hell do we do now? What do we do now?
Wife: “We could see Meet Dave!”
You: “Seriously honey, I told you to get off the meds! You have a problem, and we all know the only prescription is more cowbells!
Wife: “What the f…”
You: “You know, the old SNL skit, where… eh, forget it. Let’s just move on.”
Wife: “We could go to a WNBA game? It’s only an hour and a half away?”
You: “You know, I think that makes Meet Dave look like Remember the Titans.”
Wife: “So now you want to see it?”
You: “Ha! I’d rather practice my Stewie impressions.”

Thursday

You: “One more day, for love of…”
Friend: “What?”
You: “The Bucks just signed Lue.”
Friend: “Who?”
You: “Lue! Not Who. I think that makes them a title contender!”
Friend: “You’re uh, kidding right?”
You: “Yeah. But you should have seen the look on your face!”
Friend: “Don’t mess with me like that. Not cool man, not cool.”

Son: “Dad, dad Sportscenter’s on!”
You: “O my god, you can talk.”
Son: “What happened to you daddy? You used to be… o, what’s the word, fun.”
You: “Son, you’ll understand when you’re older. Dad’s a little depressed right now, so if I start saying things that don’t make sense, just understand how hard this week’s been on daddy.”
Son: “Dad, we won the lottery the other day. How could you possibly be depressed?”
You: “Yeah, I know, but thanks to rising gas prices it was only worth $2.54 after taxes.”
Son: “Huh?”
You: “I’m sorry, I meant $22.54.”
Son: “I still don’t get it dad, why are you so sad?”
You: “You see son, when mommies and daddies…”
Son: “?”
You: “Whoops, wrong speech.”
Son: “You’re impossible dad!”
You: “Here’s a Playboy Timmy. Have fun with that and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Friday

You: “So the Yankees signed Richie Sexson?”
Friend: “Yeah, they like old, out of their prime over-paid rejects.”
You: “That’s a little harsh.”
Friend: “I’m just so fed up with this Titletown USA thing. Sportscenter’s not even trying anymore.”
You: “Cheer up buddy, its almost over.”
Friend: “When is the damn baseball games going to be on, already? It’s six A.M. for Pete sake.
You: “Actually, Pete called in sick today, he had to watch reruns of the 2001 World Series on VHS to keep his sanity.”
Friend: “I was this close to watching golf man. Golf!”
You: “O my… No. Don’t do it. Not without Tiger. It’s Un-American!”
Friend: “It’s the only thing left to do.”
You: “O my gosh, we’ve lost him.”

But that’s water under the bridge now. Joe Blanton is a Phillie, Lue a Buck, and Brett Favre just threatened to play in the CFL. Too soon?

You can back to your daily lives now. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.

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