Oklahoma City Thunder? They’d fit perfectly in the WNBA with the Atlanta Dream and Chicago Sky! But in the NBA?…

SCOTT JACOBS

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls… stand up, and make some noise for your… Oklahoma City… Thunder! Cousins of the Tampa Bay Lightning. Brothers of the Chicago Sky.

Welcome to the show. (Wait, a minute, let’s play that back again)…

Oklahoma City Thunder?

What? Why? Ugh.

If a report surfacing like wild-fire across the internet is true, then Oklahoma City’s first pro team will be named… the Thunder.

It’s mind numbingly boring. Unbearably generic, and inspires nothing, really. The Barons, the Drillers, heck, even Oil Tycoons would have worked for me. But Thunder? Blah. Boo. Next!

Kevin Durant of your Oklahoma City Thunder? KD of your OKC Thunder?

What’s next? Are they going to play the clip in Waiting, where Dane Cook says, “welcome to the Thunderdome, bitch!”

Here’s the thing about thunder. It’s noise! No one’s ever been hurt by thunder. The only thing I think of when I think of thunder is, uh o, lightning is probably next.

Not, here comes Oklahoma City’s newest NBA team.

The Oklahoman held a name the team contest recently with 64 different possibilities, and Thunder beat out Outlaws. So if the report is true, the fans are getting their wish. If the report is true I underestimated the lack of creativity put into this process.

Here’s an issue I have with the name. It has no zing. Orlando Magic, Miami Heat, Utah Jazz, all work because they are quick and easy to say. But Oklahoma City Thunderrrrrrrr is like a sentence in itself. It doesn’t flow. It doesn’t sparkle. It doesn’t really do anything. With a name like Oklahoma City you’re behind the eight ball to begin with. It’s an impossible task of taking a name that is way too long and making it an identity.

Great team names like the New York Yankees or Green Bay Packers have two words for the city, but their short words. Oklahoma is just too long.

Picture it.

Tonight is a historic day in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Tonight, the first pro basketball team in the history of Oklahoma will take the court. It’s Los Angeles Lakers versus Oklahoma Thunder, next on ESPN!

Yeesh. Unknowing people will ask their friends: “when did the NBA allow scrimmages against NBDL teams?”

Supersonics was cool. It was long granted, but it was cool. It was unique. It had to do with Seattle. Every place gets thunder. But hey, it could be worse. Arizona Rain anybody?

Still, it doesn’t set aside the fact that this is a major bummer if this is the true name.

Didn’t Clay Bennett ever read the book, Proper Ways how to start an NBA franchise*?

If he had, he would have seen rule #31:

“Never hijack an NBA team from a fan base that loves it, only to move it to a smaller market to name it Thunder.”

This is straight from the book, folks. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.**

If Thunder is to describe the fans of OKC, then fine. It works. They have a loud, college type fans, who are passionate about their sports. But something is just missing with thunder. It sounds too much like a fantasy sports name.

Besides, doesn’t Florida get more lightning strikes then anywhere in the world? If so, wouldn’t that mean they also get the most thunder?

My belief is that Bennett was too afraid to name his team after something to do with oil for fear of the backlash it might’ve caused later down the line (ya know, when oil goes to $17/gallon).

If that is indeed his logic, then Barons wasn’t a good choice. Nor would be Drillers.

But when you’ve got the best of the best working for you to come up with a name that epitomizes a city, and creates an image for a state, Thunder, let’s just say, is pretty uh, lame.

I thought this might be a cool name for the team, and now it works even better given the direction they’ve decided to go in (be it the moving dilemna, the lawsuits, and now the name)

Oklahoma City Chaos!

It’s perfect.

It’s original.

It would make a really cool team name.

The Chaos versus the Jazz.

The logos and promotions you could come up with are endless.

“Come watch the Chaos at the Chaotic Ford Arena.”

They could have a tornado tearing pieces out of a basketball flying through the air as a logo.

I want to know. What do you think of Chaos? And what would you have named the team?

Anything but Thunder!

*Not a real book
**I did make it up (but it’s good, right?)

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