After years of bickering and protest the games have begun in Beijing

SCOTT JACOBS

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls welcome to the 2008 Summer Olympics.

The 29th edition of the event that “unites the world, and puts all our differences behind us, if only for a few weeks.” Yeah. Um, right.

Put those gas masks away, take down those nude PETA protest posters, and forget about the horrors in Darfur folks. The Olympics are here!

Freedom of speech? @$%# that! Freedom to have your visa revoked just days before the game? That’s the new ‘it’ thing!

You see, these Summer Olympics aren’t about protest, communism, or oil. No, these games are about China! And how great the one child per each family system is.

Yup, it’s not about rowing, archery, field hockey or trampoline. No, that’s not… wait a minute, trampoline?

These Olympics are about faking it. Pretending that all is right and good with the world and that everyone’s story is an interesting one. It’s about the billions of dollars Beijing and China put into this supposed spectacle. It’s about…

O who am I kidding. I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t.

Let’s try again. Shall we?

Welcome to the Olympics.

Tonight NBC will air live, I mean taped coverage of the 2008 Opening Ceremony, kicking off a madhouse of 1400 hours of coverage between them, USA, MSNBC, CNBC, Oxygen, Telemundo, Universal HD, Cartoon Network, Fox News, Tru TV… Oops, those last three I just added in for fun.

But seriously, we can be serious right?… These games will be covered from head to toe. In addition to 1400 hours on TV, there will be 2200 hours on the internet at nbcolympics.com (No word yet on whether that site will be banned or not in China.)

Onto the fun facts!

The youngest participant to ever compete in an Olympic games was 10 years old! Wondering why you can’t recall the name? Good question. It’s because Dimitrios Loundras of Greece competed in 1896. Rumor has it that most of us weren’t alive then.

And you thought Dara Torres was old at 41. Ha! Oscar Swahn of Sweden was 72 years old, SEVENTY-TWO! when he competed in Belgium in 1920. Then again, if you can see, does it really matter how old you are when the sport is shooting?

Michael Phelps is trying for a whole lot of medals in Beijing. Well, he has a long way to go if he wants to collect the most ever. That honor would go to Larisa Latynina who won 18 medals as a gymnast for the Soviet Union between 1956 and 1964.

The United States stands alone as the all time leader in Summer Olympic glory, winning 2201 medals all time. The next closest country? The Soviet Union, which has 1010. Yes, that’s not a typo, the U.S. has doubled the medal output of the second closest country. Wow.

Countries to look out for in 2008? Look no further then Eritrea. They came home with a bronze medal in Athens four years ago. Question: where in the world is that? Like seriously, I have no idea.

Other interesting tid bits: in 1896, the first recorded summer games, 12 countries were represented. In Athens in 2004 there were 201 countries. Eh, not much of an evolution there.

How much does it cost to stage the party that China plans on throwing these next few weeks? Try about 44 billion dollars in American money. Pocket change really.

Finally over 24,000 members of the media from all across the world will be on hand to document just over 11,000 athletes.

The Olympic Games. Beijing. 08/08/08.

Consider yourself informed.

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