It’s that time of the year again. You know the time. You’re sitting there on your couch popping back a cold one, putting together your fantasy football team together bundled up in your $99 team blanket you overpaid for on the Shopping Network. You’ve got your bag of chips by your side, and a pizza is on the way. You’re trying to simulate the feeling you’ll get starting this Thursday, when the NFL opens its 2008 season with the Giants and Redskins.

SCOTT JACOBS

You look around. O crap you realize. Today is the first day I can download the new NFL Mobile Live on my phone exclusively from Sprint. You’re ready. At least, you think you are. But, you forgot one thing, king of the couch. Your 32 NFL team slogans for the year. Now in pocket size. So you can take them anywhere you go! Like a fortune cookie, only without numbers, and taste.

Today- The AFC

Patriots- Yes, technically the Giants won the Super Bowl. But c’mon, we should get like a medal or a plaque or something for going 18-1.
Jets- Place your bets everybody: Will Brett the Jet get us into the playoffs? Will his career be ended by an injury? Will he retire mid-season? The fun has just begun so place your bets now.
Bills- Now with that fresh new Canadian smell. But don’t tell anybody about that, we don’t want anyone thinking that we might relocate or nothing.
Dolphins- No one knows who we are! We could probably play a game in Canada and few would probably recognize. But hey, we’ve got Chad Pennington and uh, that guy (points to the hot dog guy), so yeah, take that!

Colts- Can you think of a better name for a stadium than Lucas Oil Stadium? Cause we could. But hey, money first right?
Jaguars- Can we go one year without hearing relocation rumors? For Pete Sake, has anyone seen where we play? It’s beautiful!
Titans- We’re not going to lie: we’re just as nervous about this Vince Young guy as you are. But hey, we got rid of that guy who eats the dots. What was his name again? Was it, draft bust?
Texans- Mediocrity was a beautiful thing for us last year. This year, we try to become the greatest Texans team in history… by keeping our quarterback healthy. For once!

Steelers- Seriously Pitt! You’re stinking up the joint at Heinz Field. Can we please have our field back?
Browns- We promise never to wear brown on brown. And we hope our play, considering we’ll be on national TV a lot this year, doesn’t look like crap either.
Ravens- Doesn’t everyone rely on Delaware quarterbacks to resurrect their franchise?
Bengals- Coming soon: Chad Johnson versus Michael Phelps. It will distract you from the mediocre product we plan to put on the field this year.

Chargers- The People’s pick for like what four years now? Don’t you get it guys: we’ll win a Super Bowl when we’re ready, not when you tell us to!
Broncos- Now that we got the Democratic National Convention out of the way… we can uh, you know what, I’m really not sure where we’re going with this. The team is clearly just not that good.
Chiefs- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chiefs. Chiefs who? You know, the team that fell off the face of the Earth last year. Yeah, that one.
Raiders- Boy do we look fun on paper. But for us most of this decade, there’s been little fun on the field. Or anywhere for that matter.

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