Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Giants and Redskins already played. Sue us. We’re going to give you our picks whether you like it or not. So yeah, take that.

SCOTT JACOBS

The grass is green, the paint is dry, and you know what, let’s just get to the picks shall we?

Last year it was the underdog New York Giants who shocked the football pundits (see, I can use big words too) to claim Super Bowl XLII in Arizona. This year, neither the Giants nor the destination of Arizona will have any play in determining a champion. Whoops, did I already rule out the Giants? Uh, o. Disrespecting the champion? Yeah, that just happened. But hey, it’ll give ‘em some good locker room material to motivate them (because as you all know, the Giants are big JSB fans).

The Giants will attempt to repeat for the first time since the Broncos did it in 1997 and 1998. Boy that sure does feel a long time ago. It’s been so long that John Elway’s son is now playing college football. For Stanford you ask? No. How about Arizona State. And there’s Mike Holmgren’s last year as a head coach. And Brett Favre’s first year as a Jet. And Daunte Culpepper retired too. We were going to do like a whole big post about it, but we got lazy so instead you end up with the line you just saw above. Matt Ryan is the new franchise guy in Atlanta. Rumor has it: they’re banning him from running any dog operations. So no pooch grooming for Ryan. But hey, he’s the richest rookie ever. So there’s that.

In San Fran the much heralded (takes out glasses) J.T. O’Sullivan gets the start. In Arizona 145 year old Kurt Warner jumped Matt “I’ve got nothing to party about now” Leinart who was awful, just awful in the pre-season. The Dolphins rented an ex-Jet, and hope this Chad has nothing to do with the upcoming election. They’ve also got a new coach. A new GM, a new color scheme (nah, just kidding, but it would fit, considering that no one will recognize their players this year). Speaking of ex-Phins, Zach Thomas is in Dallas, and Jason Taylor is in Washington. Even Cam Cameron found a gig as Baltimore’s offensive coordinator. Good for him, if it was me, I would have probably retired and built a shame room to hibernate in.

There’s hope in Philadelphia once again. In Dallas they’re looking to gooble up a playoff win with their new corner/kick returner. you may have heard of him: Adam Jones. In New York they’re trying to prove that a 10 game road winning streak wasn’t a fluke, and that they don’t need awesome defensive pass rushers to win games. O, and that Eli guy: they’re hoping he can be uh, what was the word, o yeah, consistent. Washington fans are still trying to figure out how a guy with no coordinating experience became their head coach.

The Bucs are trying to prove that Jeff Garcia really was their man all along (yeah right). The Falcons have a shiny new toy to open the gates with in Ryan, who they hope doesn’t get mutilated in his first season behind a porous Falcons O. The Saints will try to score more points then anyone, including basketball teams with their new addition Jeremy Shockey. The Panthers, well, every year people think they’ll be good. And maybe this year, with no expectations they will be.

The Lions are hoping the best Knight in college football, UCF’s Kevin Smith can run them to a playoff berth. The Packers, well you may have heard, traded that Favre guy. In his place, enter Aaron Rodgers. Five year olds are already cursing at him. Should be a fun season for that guy. Did we mention he gets to replace a legend and go for “Jay Fiedler-esque” status? The Bears were in the Super Bowl two years ago. Now they’re starting (closes eyes) Kyle Orton. The Vikings are hoping Jared Allen, an awesome offensive line, and Adrian Peterson can overcome their QB shortcomings. We think it just might.

The Cardinals think they’re playoff contenders. I swear I’ve heard that one before. Maybe if they finally beat the 49ers they will be. The Rams try to rebound from a disastrous 2007 campaign. They’ve got Chris Long now, and now his family can track his play on their Sprint phone. Sorry for the product placement. Wait a minute, no I’m not. The 49ers are uh, basically on a treadmill. Their feet are moving, but they’re really going nowhere.

The Patriots are the best 18-1 team I’ve ever seen. O wait, they’re the only one I’ve ever seen. They’ll try to win that 19th this year. The Jets spent a boatload of money on free agents and are hoping they can mesh quickly to give them a playoff core. We’ll see with that. The Bills get to play in Canada this year (beautiful country), and some even think they’ll make the playoffs. Trent Edwards is the key there. The Dolphins advertised their team this year by putting no players on a billboard. Yup, it’s the No-Name Dlphins. Cause as of now, no one has any idea if they have any O for 08. But hey, Ricky’s back. Heck, he’s even starting.

The Jaguars look to knock the Colts off their AFC South pedestal. This is the year. This is the year? The Colts have an aging team, and hope to eek out a few more Super Bowl runs. And they’re hoping that if it comes to it, they can actually beat a team’s second string QB at the RCA Dome. Wait, no, now it’s Lucas Oil Stadium. And the lamest name for a stadium goes to…? The Texans think this is the year. They do. They think they might have a winning record in 08. And who’s to blame ‘em? You got to get it right eventually? Don’t you?

The Steelers look to fight off the Browns for the North. Lucky for them, Cleveland can’t beat Pittsburgh. Not recently at least. It’s been like 8 or 9 in a row for the Steel Curtain. The Ravens are starting a Delaware quarterback in their opener. Quick, name a successful Delaware QB in the NFL? Yeah, I can’t either. The Bengals, well the expectations have faded, but the circus atmosphere is still there. Apparently Chad Javon Ocho Cinco has lost his mind. Like seriously, he really thinks he can beat Michael Phelps?

The Chargers are the most talented team in the NFL. That saying doesn’t get annoying at all. Maybe this year, they’ll finally take that talent and win something, besides a uh, mediocre West. The Broncos used to be good. Remember? Yeah, it’s been a while. Call it the Curse of Maurice Clarett. And then there’s the Chiefs. They have a lot of new faces. A lot of rookies. And a lot of losses in the foreseeable future. Doesn’t it feel like it was just yesterday that they were preparing for a playoff game against the Colts, and people were picking them to win? Finally, there’s the Raiders. They’re like a college fantasy football team. You would too if you were as pathetic as they’ve been this decade. But hey, if the enigmatic Darren McFadden does what AP did last year it’s not far fetched to think this team can win six, maybe sev… you know what, let’s take it one game at a time.

And now the predictions. Without reasons. Because we can.

AFC East
1. Patriots
2. Bills (WC)
3. Jets
4. Dolphins

AFC South
1. Jaguars
2. Colts (WC)
3. Texans
4. Titans

AFC North
1. Steelers
2. Browns
3. Ravens
4. Bengals

AFC West
1. Chargers
2. Raiders *why not, eh?
3. Broncos
4. Chiefs

NFC East
1. Cowboys
2. Giants
3. Eagles
4. Redskins

NFC South
1. Panthers
2. Buccaneers (WC)
3. Saints (WC)
4. Falcons

NFC North
1. Vikings
2. Bears
3. Packers
4. Lions

NFC West
1. Cardinals *It’s gotta happen eventually
2. Seahawks
3. Rams
4. 49ers

AFC Championship
Chargers over Jaguars

NFC Championship
Vikings over Cowboys

Super Bowl XLIII- Tampa, FL
Vikings over Chargers
If the Cubs win the World Series, this will happen. Minnesota’s miserable sports streak is just due to come to an end one of these days.

NFL Offensive MVP: Adrian Peterson
NFL Defensive MVP: Jared Allen
Coach of the Year: Ken Whisenhunt
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Darren McFadden
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Glen Dorsey

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