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Manny Ramirez: you’re a joke (and a jerk)

I’ve never met the man who is one helluva ball player, but one heckuva disgusting person off the field, but if I did I think the first thing I’d tell him, would be to get a life

SCOTT JACOBS

I think we’ve all come to grips with the outrageous contracts that our American athletes get paid for playing a game. I’m not saying whether we agree or in more likely cases, disagree with the ludicrous cash that is sent their way for being great, I’m simply pointing out that it’s become an accepted part of our culture.  However, that doesn’t just mean that in the worst economic reccession that many of us have seen in our lifetimes that our athletes can make a mockery of the sagging economy that we live in, just because they can hit a ball.

Hey Mr. Dreadlocks, ya you in blue shirt over there.  You know who you are, can I have a word with you.  A little birdie told me that you’re an ungreatful, evil jerk who not only gives up sometimes, but also way over-estimates what he’s worth.

I’d like to show you Joe over there who’s struggling to make ends meet because he was one of tens of thousands of people fired from Citi (even though they apparently still have the resources to sponsor the Mets new park).  I’d like you to meet that girl over there.  She’s been out of work for two years, because the job market is so competitive.  Sure, she goes to interview after interview, and sometimes she even gets close, but each time she agonizingly gets passed up because someone newer and younger steals her spot.  See that guy over there?  He was going to buy his family Christmas presents this past December, but after losing his job he’s now struggling to keep up with mortgage payments so they don’t foreclose his house.

I just wanted to ask you a question.  A few actually.  Let’s see, where to begin.  Okay, I got one.  Is it true you turned down a two year $45 million contract a few months ago?  That’s what the Dodgers are saying.  If that’s true, is it true that yesterday the Dodgers would have paid you $25 million just so you could hit a stupid white ball for them and play half ass defense, and you had the gall to say NO?

You know why athletes get a bad rap?  Because of jerks like you.  Idiots like yourself have no semblance of money, no presence of mind that the rest of the country is falling apart.  But sure, you really need the money.  I mean, who doesn’t need $25 million each season for like five years to make ends meet?

You make me sick.  Do you have any idea what it’s like for a teacher right now, who’s worked at an insitition for higher learning for 20 years and then gets laid off because the school can no longer afford her?  Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a caterer who’s worked for over 20 years, and is royally screwed because the last thing people are worrying about is parties and luxury.  People are trying to get by.  Some are reaching into their savings 30 years earlier then they had planned, because they have no where to go.

You know why athletes get a bad rap?  Because of jerks like you.

But you’re still hunting for every last dime, and it’s understandable that you need some money so that your children’s, children’s, children’s, children’s children never need to work a day in their life.  Back in 2000 the Red Sox really scammed you, didn’t they, by rewarding you with one of the biggest free agent contracts in baseball history?  They signed you to an eight year deal worth $160 million.  You felt cheated, so you took plays off, sometimes didn’t feel like running out that good ol’ ground ball, and you were constantly a distraction.  But “Manny being Manny” became funny, like a catchphrase.  It was cool to be a lazy over-paidout of touch with the real world jerk.

And now, after opting out of that deal, you’re back on the free agent market.  The Dodgers want you, but your agent is warning LA not to play “chicken.” No one else is even competing with them.  The Dodgers have no offense, and the fans have already embraced you.  No other city wants your poisonous attitude, and your unlikeable persona identifying them.

But no, it’s not good enough.  You want five or six years, instead of two.  You’re getting old, but hey, you play baseball, the sucker sport, where great players (good guys or not) can fleece franchises of hundreds of millions of dollars just for putting a little white ball in play.  So you’re sucking at the power teet, because hey it became clear a long time ago that you could care less what people think of you.

I’m so glad the Marlins didn’t trade for you.  While you would have most likely improved their record, and maybe even have gotten them to the playoffs, I’d rather fall short with good likeable guys, then do a little better with a clubhouse cancer, and someone who really needs to get a clue.

But hey, someone will pay you, someone always does.

That will never, however, change the fact that you’ve pissed off karma.  And karma is a bitch my friend.

About the Author

sjacobs

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One Response to “Manny Ramirez: you’re a joke (and a jerk)”

  1. I’ve said that least 926187 times. The problem this like that is they are just too compilcated for the average bird, if you know what I mean

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