Woody Paige writes that Tiger’s return to the Masters will be dramatic theater. Oh, really? I think it’s just going to be like the last four Masters Tiger won.

MITCH BLATT

Woody Paige’s column begins:

Tiger At The Masters is the Act IV continuation of the medieval morality play with a modern-day twist.

Well, no, there are lots of other examples of celebrities, politicians, and athletes in the modern day cheating on their spouse, so simply because it’s a tragedy doesn’t make it medieval. And I’m sure people have been cheating on each other since the dawn of time, so there’s no “modern-day twist” either.

Nobody knows how the play will play out…

I’m sure it won’t be hard to find someone who thinks Tiger will win.

…but regardless of what anybody believes, everybody must agree: This is great theater.

It will be great theater to the extent that every performance by Tiger Woods is great theater. Tiger makes amazing shots and comes back from improbable deficits. Yeah, that’s exciting, but the fact that he cheated on someone doesn’t make it any more exciting.

Personally, I don’t find golf exciting, and I’m not going to start watching now just because Tiger cheated on someone. If they want to make this event more exciting–if they want to turn it into “great theater”–they should get Elin Woods to chase him with a golf club. Otherwise, there’s nothing new about this event, so nothing will make it any more or less exciting than previous Masters that Woods played in.

Paige again:

The theme of the original morality plays of the Middle Ages was:

Man is born and raised as an innocent, is befallen by temptation, seeks redemption and ultimately is saved.

Okay, so Tiger cheated on his wife then he apologized and went to rehab and now he’s playing golf.

We know that he was befallen by temptation, but beyond that, we don’t know if he has sincerely sought redemption or if he will be saved. He apologized publicly and privately, but none of us can no for sure if he was sincere. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt–I’m not too concerned either way–but I don’t know him personally, and I don’t know if he is changing his behavior, so I can’t say for sure if he really wants redemption.

As to whether he will save himself, Paige seems to imply that by winning at golf, Tiger will be saved.

Reality check, Paige: Tiger’s problem was never that he wasn’t good at golf. It was that he cheated on his wife. With over a dozen women.

Paige:

The Masters is like no other.

When a player brought his girlfriend one year, and she was discovered on the grounds with his wife’s badge, the woman was banished, and he was never invited again.

I can only say that anecdote is kind of funny in a column about Tiger Woods returning to the Masters.

When the head of the National Council of Women’s Organizations wanted to protest at the front gate Augusta’s exclusion of female members, courts ruled she had to remain in an empty lot several blocks away.

…
A network analyst who referred to the gallery as “a mob” wasn’t permitted to work the tournament again.
…

For decades the only African-Americans at Augusta served as waiters or caddies. Mexican-American Lee Trevino felt so uncomfortable he changed his shoes in the parking lot, not the locker room. Players will never criticize the course, or the club.

So we have examples of women protesting Augusta, minorities feeling uncomfortable and no one allowed to criticize it–Augusta’s image white washed and scrubbed clean–and now we have another powerful man cheating on his wife ready to return to Augusta. Sorry, Paige, you make it too easy.

Paige follows that paragraph with this:

The Masters is not the wild, frenzied Phoenix Open.

In this homogeneous environment Tiger can lose himself in his golf…

Yes, he refers to it as a “homogeneous environment” after referencing the fact that minorities feel uncomfortable there, in a column about Tiger Woods, no less!

I can just imaging Tiger’s thinking when he decided to return for the Masters at Augusta: “Well, it’s a very homogeneous environment there where Mexican-Americans change their shoes in the parking lot, so I won’t be bothered by anything else, and I can just focus on my golf.”

Finally, Paige finishes it with these questions:

Will Tiger chip in for an eagle? Will he pump first? Will he say “Gee, whiz” after a weak shot? Will he grin? Will he win?

Gee, whiz, I think he’s still good at golf, and I think he still loves to do a fist pump. For what it’s worth, he said he wants to be moving on. I don’t suppose he’d leave his fist-pump at home just because he got cauht cheating.

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