The USA lost to Ghana on Saturday after pulling one out of their rear end against Algeria three days prior. The Algerians, never known for their soccer brains, rolled some serious dice and pulled too many men forward in a late attack on goal. Considering Algeria had not scored a goal to that point in the tournament, it was fairly imbecilic to think, “Hey, I know it’s been 269 minutes and counting, but let’s get everyone up field, I feel like it’s going to happen now.” The Algerians were not likely to score until four World Cups in the future, yet there they were with 90 percent of their desultory squad in the U.S. penalty box. Algeria will now retreat home whereupon the country’s leader will probably line them up and blow their skulls to bits with a Gatlin gun.

That’s one of the hardest parts about watching the World Cup. You want to root for certain teams, but not at the expense of people getting executed for their errors. For example I wanted Portugal to beat North Korea, but I did not want them to rip 7 into the net and simultaneously end the existence of four defenders and a goalie. You think Kim Jong Il is going to welcome them home with open arms?

As for the USA-Ghana game, it showed me two things that will hinder this U.S. squad for years to come. Tim Howard and Jozy Altidore should not be starting. Altidore has the skill and dexterity of a rhino submerged in a deep pool of viscous mud. He also can’t dribble, pass, or shoot when the game is on the line. He is fast and strong, and has a powerful shot, but he has a mule- like first touch that often leaves the ball six feet from where it should be. He had one chance versus Ghana where he could taken the ball in on a breakaway, and his first touch sent the ball twenty feet away where it was gobbled up the keeper. Brutal.

Tim Howard, who will soon take over from Landon Donovan as the poster boy of this team, is a classic American athlete. Strong, big, long throw and kick, he looks like a Hollywood idol. Yet where are the saves? And don’t feed me the England game, those shots were right at him. He does gobble up rebounds, I will give him that, but make a save on a shot that should go in once in a while. Pull one out of your ass once a tournament. He gets beat short side from outside the box against Ghana, then comes out late and leaves himself exposed on the winning shot where the player is not even coming directly towards goal, yet no one wants to step and say it the obvious; he is not that good.

The single most annoying thing about Howard is that unlike other goalies who watch shots sail over the net and then re-assemble the defense, Howard will come out and start screaming at his defenders every time a shot is taken. That’s gotta be real assuring for the defense to know they have a tightly wound maniac with a screw loose playing behind them. Nothing makes me improve my game more than a guy with who looks like a serial killer screaming at me. It appears to me that he is saying, “You guys know I can’t make saves, why are you letting them shoot!!! You’ve seen me in practice all week, what part of me never coming up with the ball are you guys missing? You think you scored 359 goals in warm-ups because I’m good? No one shoots period! You see a guy winding up to shoot, you better block with your foot it cuz I sure as hell ain’t going to with these oven mitts on my hands.”

Mexico’s game against France was a tight game for a half until Mexico pulled away. At one point Mexico earned a free kick at the top of the box, and France set up a wall, but the Mexicans had no problem climbing right over it. The French had built a pretty formidable wall; sort of a makeshift Maginot Line, however as the Mexicans approached they shouted something in German and the wall fell apart. Not sure what was yelled, I believe it was along the lines of, “Get out of the way.” As the Mexicans poured across the border where the wall once was, the French argued with the referee that it was illegal, but the ref waved them off saying, “They all are, get used to it.”

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