Ah yes, what better place for the summer’s best reality show to end, then on cable TV.  Hope they find a really nice house for Thursday at 9 p.m.

SCOTT JACOBS

From the people who brought you The Bachelorette, Dancing with the Stars, and American Idol comes a special so big, it literally may stop the world.  Look out Truman Show, The LeBron show is coming to a city near you.  Live on the Worldwide Leader of O No they Didn’t Programming.

But yes they did.  And yes they can.  And yes they will.  ESPN has won the rights to broadcast a 1 hour special of the most mind blowingly over-hyped free agency decision since Moses managed to part the Red Sea. Yes, on Thursday July 8th (cue dramatic music, dim the lights), ESPN will bring you a show unlike anything you’ve ever seen before.  One man.  Basketball player by day.  Superhero by night. He has replaced Chuck Norris and that guy from the Dos Equis commercial as the most interesting annoying man in the world. He put the city of Akron on the map and high school basketball on national TV.  He co-authored a poorly written book with Buzz Bissinger, and has yet to win an NBA championship.  In one day he has more Twitter followers than you will ever have in your life.  Introducing number 23, errr… excuse me, introducing number 6 LeBron “I want to be a billionaire so freaking bad” James!

It will be drama unlike anything you’ve ever seen.

Will he choose Cleveland?  Chicago?  Miami?  New Jersey?  New York?  Guadalajara, Mexico?  The Clippers?  The answer will be revealed.

How will he do it?  Will he don a hat with that team’s colors, prompting an exclusive NBA Free agency hat collection to further broaden his image?  Or will he put on that team’s jersey?  Will their be a patch to commemorate this historic moment? Will the announcement also be on Youtube, and shortly re-aired on ESPN Classic?  You can only find out if you tune in.

While other players get a press conference, we’re giving LeBron the whole world.  Wars will stop.  Babies will stay tucked in the womb.  Drive by shootings will cease for one hour.  The cure for cancer will be found.  We’re talking bigger than Titantic and World War II combined.  Israel and Palestine will rest peacefully as the King makes up his mind.  People will get out of their cars in the middle of the street to wait for the siren on which town was picked. All babies that were supposed to be born within the 1 hour exclusive special will be named Le-whatever.  It will truly be a day unlike anything man kind has ever witnessed.

The planets will stop orbiting.  Global warming (if you believe in that kind of stuff) will stop happening.  Tim Burton will cast a movie without (gasp) Johnny Depp.

The President will stop whatever he is doing to gather everyone in the Oval Office to watch his announcement.

David Letterman, Jay Leno, and Jon Stewart will be subsituted with the press and given 30 minutes to ask any ridiculous questions they want.  It will be must see Le-TV.

ESPN, like Dade County will change their name, only their’s won’t be Wade County.  It will be LESPN.

All website chatter will freeze, wth the planet’s communication lines stopped until mighty Le-Savior makes his mind.

So tune in on Thursday when one rich, spoiled, obnoxiously over-publicized soon to be billionaire gets richer and destroys the hopes and dreams of 5 other cities in the process.

Who will he choose?  The phone lines are open now.

Photo: AP

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