Move over Happy Gilmore!  Here’s a golf tournament you can’t resist

JIM RUBERA
Special Contributor

(Rubera writes for The Spop, a great web site that delves into sports and pop culture)

Even if you don’t like watching golf, you probably watch Tiger Woods.  Even if you don’t like watching Tiger Woods, you probably still watch the Ryder Cup.  Even if you don’t like watching the Ryder Cup, you probably still love America.  Even if you don’t love America, you probably still hate British and Irish people.  Well this weekend you get a chance to do all of these things.

There’s no better golf event than the Ryder Cup.  It’s better than watching the low scores of the Masters.  It’s better than watching the high scores of the U.S. Open.  It’s better than watching Happy Gilmore drunk with your buddies.  It has everything a competitive patriotic sports fan could ever want.  Let’s examine the goods.

One:  They change the rules of the game.  One day they play best ball.  The next day they play alternate shot.  They next day they play match play.  That’s like something you do screwing around with your friends during a golf vacation.  Imagine if Olympic baseball medals were awarded for a home run derby and a fast pitch competition.  It makes no sense.  It’s phenomenal.

Two:  The matchups are made by blind draw.  Each captain pairs up his guys and sends them out to face unknown foes.  Not until minutes before the matches start will they know who they’re playing against.  It’s always interesting to see if two elite teams end up pitted against each other or if it’s a severe mismatch and the better players are wasted playing against lesser players who weren’t going to be anybody anyway.

Three:  It’s a chance to root for your country…that will actually be interesting.  The Europeans have mostly dominated the U.S. tournaments this summer, taking three out of four majors as well as many big name tourneys.  This isn’t like watching USA basketball and expecting to win in a blowout.  This year’s trend along with the fact that the U.S. generally walks away as losers at the Ryder Cup is enough to get the underdog juices flowing and get excited about each point won.

Four:  All that is great, but it’s really all about Tiger.  It’s been about Tiger all decade, for that matter.  The only reason anybody watches a golf tournament on a Sunday is if he’s in the hunt.  And he’ll be in the hunt this weekend because he starts dead even every day.  Sometimes twice a day.  Combine that with the pure curiosity about how his affairs and divorce will affect his play and it’s must see TV.  For some reason, the fact that he drilled for oil all across the country like Daniel Plainview makes him more of a fascinating golfer than he already was.  Whether he plays well or poorly, we will draw a conclusion as to what that means in regard to his personal life.

And here’s the best part about the Tiger situation.  Europeans don’t give a s%$# about making Tiger Woods uncomfortable.  The U.S. media will dance around the scandal, carefully asking non-intrusive questions so as not to upset him.  Conversely, at some point this week it’s not out of the question that a European writer will ask him which mistress was the best in bed and seriously expect an answer.

It’s not just the media either.  The European players will do all they can to make him uncomfortable as well.  The Ryder Cup lights the competitive fires between these two teams and there’s plenty of recent history of animosity.  There have been complaints of poor sportsmanship and unruly fans in the past.  Why wouldn’t they use the biggest story in the sport as ammunition?

The first jab was thrown months ago by European Rory McIlroy, a 21 year old mouthy punk from Northern Ireland who looks like the offspring of Jonah Hill and Susan Boyle.  He said he’d love to play against Tiger because he sucks now.  Tiger heard about it and basically said to bring it on.  There was also a rumor that during their last tournament together in the U.S. that Tiger went up to him and muttered to be careful what you wish for.

What more can you ask for from a three day sporting event?

Unfortunately you might have to set your DVR for a lot of it.  The schedule isn’t very convenient for the U.S. viewers.

Friday:  ESPN  2:30am – 1:00pm (live)

Saturday:  NBC  8:00am – 6:00pm (tape delay for most of the day’s coverage)

Sunday:  NBC  7:00am – 1:00pm (live)

Photo: AP

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