Charlie Sheen said what? We’re turning tiger blood into athletes quotes. Are you winning!

JIM RUBERA

(Rubera writes for The Spop)

Rich beyond our wildest dreams.  Famous.  Arrogant.  Spoiled.  In our living rooms on TV every day.

Are those characteristics of Charlie Sheen or professional athletes?  Both, of course.  Which is why we’re going to match crazy Charlie Sheen quotes with an athlete that we could imagine saying them. Let’s begin.

1. “Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning? Anyone?  Yeah, that would be us.  Sorry man, didn’t make the rules.  Oops!”

?Kobe Bryant

2. “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

?Jonathan Papelbon

3. “You can’t process me with a normal brain.”

Albert Haynesworth

4. “If you borrowed my brain for five seconds you’d be like ‘Dude! Can’t handle it!  Unplug this bastard!’  It fires in a way that’s maybe not from…this terrestrial realm.”

Ron Artest

5. “I was banging seven gram rocks.  And finishing them.  Because that’s how I roll. I have one speed.  I have one gear.  Go.”

Michael Irvin

6. “Can’t is the cancer of happening.”

Phil Jackson

7. “I am battle-tested bayonettes, bro.”

Kevin Garnett ? .

8. “I’m so tired of pretending my life isn’t perfect and bitching and just winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitching.”

Lebron James? .

9. “Look what I’m dealing with, man.  I’m dealing with fools and trolls.”

Terrell Owens

10. “It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”

Dennis Rodman

11. “I’m sorry man.  I’ve got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and that includes naps.”

Chad Ochocinco?

12. (Question- Are you going to overdose?)  “No, that’s for amateurs.”

Darryl Strawberry

13. “I’m an F-18, bro.”

A-Rod

14. “I’m not Thomas Jefferson.  He was a pussy.”

Pete Rose

15. “At this moment I do not know where my children are.”

Antonio Cromartie

16. “I am on a drug.  It’s called John Rocker.  It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

John Rocker

17. “I’m bi-winning.”

Jose Canseco

18. “There’s a new sheriff in town.  And he has an army of assassins.”

Gilbert Arenas

19. “The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.”

Lawrence Taylor? .

20. “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”

Geno Auriemma

21. “I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon.  Clearly I defeated this earthworm with my words.  Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”

Ray Lewis

22. “…picked a fight with a warlock.”

John McEnroe

23. “If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.”

O.J. Simpson

24. “I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people.  People who aren’t special.  People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.”

Mike Tyson

25. “Come on bro.  I won best picture (National Championship) at 20.  I wasn’t even trying.  I wasn’t even warm.”

Vince Young

Photo: Getty

Popularity: 3% [?]