Floyd Mayweather Jr. upped his record to 41-0 last Saturday after a defeat of one time steroid cocktail drinker Sugar Shane Mosley. Floyd had his Dad Floyd Sr. working his corner, and after the fight both men boasted and bragged to the point where fight men and doctors stood nearby with buckets and pails as it looked like the Mayweather’s heads were going to explode. Fans awaited the outcome of the boastathon with great anticipation, as there is a great debate as to whether either Mayweather is in possession of a brain.

Most boxing fans wanted to see Manny Pacquiao fight Mayweather, but that deal couldn’t get done due to Mayweather insisting that each fighter donate several quarts of blood, three pounds of skin, an ounce of semen and a couple of vital organs to an Olympic drug testing unit moments before the fight took place. Mayweather’s Conspiracy Theory camp believes that Manny is on the juice; they cite as evidence many factors, such as if Manny isn’t on steroids, then how come he won’t let Mayweather and his Dad inspect his ass for a couple of hours? And if Manny is clean then how come he can’t explain his small genitalia, other than to say he’s 5 foot 6 which is no excuse in their opinion because Floyd Jr. is only 5 8”, yet he wears a wine decanter for an athletic cup.

So of course after all the accusations were made, it made perfect sense for the paranoid Mayweather to avoid fighting a guy he thinks is on steroids so he can then sign on to fight Mosley, a guy he knows did steroids. That’s like intentionally walking Mark McGwire because he cheats, so you can pitch to Barry Bonds. The bout was pretty lousy overall and predictable too. Mosley fought well in round one, and came close to knocking down Mayweather with a clean shot to the head, but then proceeded to get his own cranium smacked around for the rest of the night by the arrogant Mayweather. Usually fighters look worse for wear after a bout, but Floyd Mayweather Jr. looked like he just climbed out of a bubble bath.

Race car driver Derek Bell is rumored to be driving a Smart Car. That to me is pathetic. Is there a more embarrassing car on the road today? It looks like they castrated a Prius. That explains the tiny trunk in the back; you can put your balls in there. I don’t get the name either, how can it be smart car if you look like a frigging idiot driving the damn thing? If you’re going to drive a car, have some pride in yourself for crying out loud. That thing has windows, people can see you in there!

The Boston Marathon ran by my house a few weeks ago, and I couldn’t help thinking what a horrible event that is. First of all it’s the unhealthiest thing you could do to your body, short of jumping off a building naked while encased in a glass cylinder. A 26 mile run? That’s a long frigging car ride. The human body is not made to run that far. If it was, people would have scoffed at the invention of the train and said, “Why do I need that, I have feet.” Last year someone asked me to run the marathon for a charity. I turned them down on the grounds that I have always made it a point to never run a race where I can’t see the finish line.
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This year I stood along mile 8 listening to a pack of douche bags shout “whooooo” and provide tip to the runners like “keep it up……go for it.” I tried to counter their misinformation by yelling, “Slow down, think about what you’re doing, then pack it up and go home.”

Watching these misshapen buttheads jog by, I was not only overcome by the sheer stupidity of their actions, but the smell emanating from the course was not exactly reminiscent of a cool mountain breeze either. Instead of handing out cups of water, folks may want to consider travel size sticks of deodorant and tubes of Crest next year. One guy had such horrible breath I swear he was trying to outrun his own stench while simultaneously raising money for halitosis. I yelled, “I’m not a dentist pal, but I believe the reason you have an overbite is because your teeth are trying to escape!” He yelled , ”$#%% you, I brushed my teeth, this morning, I used Aim.” I said, “Well, you missed.” .

Numbskulls argue with me all the time about this, but I can prove the marathon is bad for you. The first marathoner was an ancient Greek who started this whole inane ritual off by running 26.3 miles up the mountains to hand a General some message about an impending attack. I forget what the message said; but I think it said, “Next time, send a Kenyan.” The point is the Greek guy dropped dead from the run. You think the General looked down and said, “We gotta make this an annual event!” The dead guy by the way was running to raise money for people who drop dead suddenly.

The place where the ancient Greek started his death run was an area in Greece called Marathon. So the event is named after the location of a tragedy. That would be similar to the NFL renaming the game of football so it’s now called OJ’s House.

That’s the other problem with the Marathon, the same country wins it every year. It’s become a total joke. The Kenyans have so many advantages; they train in the mountains of Kenya, they all seem to have gapped teeth which, when their mouths are open, cuts down on wind resistance and acts like a hood scoop, and they ‘re ultra skinny. So unless one of our runners moves to Africa to train, puts a baseball bat to a couple of his chicklits, and cuts out eating for a solid year, we aren’t going to be winning any marathons.

Paul Nardizzi is a comedian who has appeared on Late Night with Conan O’Brein, The Best Damn Sports Show Period, the NESN Comedy All Stars and elsewhere. He is the author of The Sarcastic Sports Trivia Book Vol. I & II.

Light Heavyweight Champion Joe Calzaghe (45-0, 32 KOs) will defend his crown and fight Roy Jones Jr. on September 20 at New York’s Madison Square Garden it was announced Tuesday.

After Calzaghe, 36, defeated the legendary Bernard “The Executioner” Hopkins (48-5-1) in April, “the Pride of Wales” positioned his sights on fighting Jones, 39.

“Joe called me out and it’s hard for me to turn that down,” said Jones, the man who the Boxing Writer’s Association of America chose as the 1990’s Fighter of the Decade.

“I didn’t need the fight, but he asked for it and it’s hard to turn down that opportunity when he’s such a credible and worthy champion. You ask me to fight, you’re a champion and you’re 45-0? That’s the kind of stuff I like to do, you feel me? I think Joe is a true champion and I think he really is going to fight me. I want to get back to the pound-for-pound list and this is the shortcut. I beat Joe, I’m back on top.”

Junior, who resurrected his career by dominating Felix Trinidad (42-3) in January, is already looking past his fight versus Calzaghe and claiming that he wants to box WBC Champion Samuel Peter (30-1) after he dethrones the British southpaw in the fall.

“They call Samuel Peter ‘The Nightmare,’” Jones said. “I’ll give him a nightmare. I like to do stuff people think I can’t do.”

There is zero dispute that Jones, who became the first middleweight to win a piece of the heavyweight championship when he outclassed former titleholder John Ruiz in 2003, is a pugilist for the ages. Nevertheless, Junior suffered two savage knockouts in 2004 against light heavyweights Antonio Tarver and Glen Johnson and he needs to proceed with his future plans with greater caution than he currently is.

Peter is one of the strongest punchers in the heavyweight division and any one of his haymakers could make Jones forever speak like that poor sap Reginald Denny. For a bright and sharp-witted man like Junior, that should be his biggest “nightmare” of all.

Since I began watching sports in 1987, I have seen the magnitude that a single crippling-loss can have on an organization, institution or individual performer. Sometimes a gut-wrenching failure can unhinge an athlete or team and instantly make their days of glory a thing of the past. In lieu of the New England Patriots (18-1*) timely demise in Super Bowl XLII, I have decided to list five lone defeats since the end of Reagan’s second term that ultimately derailed a once championship-caliber team or an elite performer.

1) In March of 1990 in Las Vegas, IBF Welterweight Champion Meldrick Taylor (24-0-1) was beaten by WBC Welterweight Champion Julio Cesar Chavez (66-0) via TKO in the bloodiest battle since Antietam. With Taylor winning on every judge’s scorecard entering the final round, Chavez landed a vicious barrage of punches that floored Taylor with 13-seconds remaining in the bout. Taylor was able to make it to his feet before being counted-out. But, Referee Richard Steele decided to put a halt to the contest with 2-seconds left in the fight because he believed that Taylor’s health was at risk. Although extremely controversial, Steele likely made the correct decision. Taylor suffered several fractures in the contest and the damage that was done to his kidney caused the former Olympic gold medalist from Philadelphia to urinate blood for a week. Taylor was never the same fighter or man after this donnybrook. In the aftermath of Ring Magazine’s “Fight of the Decade,” Taylor went a pedestrian 14-8 before retiring in 1992 and today he speaks with such a jumbled and slow voice that many theorize that he suffers from pugilistic dementia. Taylor lost more than a fight that night in “Sin City.” Taylor lost a piece of his life and being.

2) A week after defeating Florida State University in the “Game of the Century” to earn the number-one ranking in the nation, Notre Dame lost at home in November of 1993 to the mediocre Boston College Eagles 41-39. The Irish have never once been atop the polls since that devastating loss 15 years ago and their program has never truly recovered from the sting of the defeat. Largely because of this game, like Jeffrey Lebowski, “I hate the fucking Eagles, man.”

3) In the men’s 1991 NCAA Final Four, the Duke Blue Devils defeated the indomitable UNLV Running Rebels 79-77 en route to winning the first championship in their program’s storied history. The Rebels, who entered the game as unblemished defending champions, were expected by many pundits to trounce the Blue Devils in a similar fashion to the way they slaughtered them a year prior 103-73. This loss ultimately led to the ouster of the Rebel’s much maligned and scandalous Head Coach, Jerry Tarkanian, and it started a descent that stripped the Rebel’s of their billing as one of the elite team’s on the collegiate hardwood.

4) In the 2003 Fiesta Bowl, the University of Miami lost in overtime to the Ohio State Buckeyes 31-24 in an upset that still reverberates to this day around South Beach. Since the loss, the Hurricanes fired Head Coach Larry Coker and in 2006 they played in the MPC Computers Bowl. The once proud and dominant Miami Hurricanes played in the petty MPC Computers Bowl only four-years after being considered one of the greatest college football teams in the annals of the sport. Enough said.

5) The New York Yankees lost to the Arizona Diamondbacks 3-2 in game seven of the 2001 World Series to shatter their dream of a historic four-peat. The men from the South Bronx lost when the snake’s resident juice-head, Luis Gonzalez, flicked a lucky single into the deep-portion of the infield which allowed the game-winning run to cross the plate for Arizona. Following New York’s demise, their owner, George Steinbrenner, decided he couldn’t accept a one-year championship drought and he began spending more lavishly than ever on undeserving free-agents and he entirely abandoned the Yankees blueprint for achieving success in the late-90’s. Despite the fact that the Bombers made the World Series 2-years after this loss, they have not been the same organization since that night in the desert and one needs to wonder when they will recapture the magic that made the Yankees the most successful franchise in the annals of North American sports.

Needless to say, this is a very subjective article. The Patsies are run with steely precision and they have one of the greatest quarterbacks ever still playing for them in the prime of his career. I am confident that New England will field very solid teams in the foreseeable future. Nevertheless, I don’t envision any more Lombardi Trophies making their way to Foxboro for quite some time and I contend that this will be the direct result of their collapse against the New York Football Giants last month. For arguments sake, only time will tell. But, in the meantime, I would be interested in hearing feedback from some of my readers. What loss do you believe negatively altered a franchise or individual that I didn’t mention? I look forward to your opinions and input.

Thanks for taking the time to give me some of your time. Without your readership, I would have absolutely zero cause to write.

• I thank you all for giving me some of your time. I hope I am able to entertain everyone with my rapid thoughts on the past few days in the world of sports.

• Kelvin Sampson, a mental-gimp who is a notorious and talentless repeat-cheater, resigned as Head Coach of the Indiana University men’s basketball team Friday night after agreeing to a $750,000 buyout of his contract. In the interim, Dan Dakich will assume coaching responsibilities and attempt to lead the Hoosiers (22-4) to their first championship since 1987. Despite the Hoosiers great success on the hardwood to date, this has been the darkest season in the storied and pristine history of the program and jettisoning the worthless Sampson should be considered as steps to a renaissance for the Assembly Hall faithful. Indiana doesn’t necessarily need Coach Norman Dale. But, they do need someone and I’d rather have Delilah than Sampson.

• IBO and IBF Heavyweight Champion Wladimir Klitschko (50-3), 31, defeated an underwhelming Sultan Ibragimov (22-1-1), 32, via unanimous decision to gain Ibragimov’s WBO crown in a boring and lackluster fight at Madison Square Garden Saturday night. Despite the hideous display of pugilism, Klitschko got closer to becoming the first unified heavyweight champion in nearly two-decades and anything he does henceforth I will handle with kid gloves (pun intended). Klitschko may not be akin to the menacing Russian Ivan Drago. But, there are no Rocky Balboa’s in this once glamorous division and, at this point, “Dr. Steelhammer” is acceptable and simply as good as it gets.

• William Gary, an undrafted rookie who played for the 2001 St. Louis Rams in their 20-17 upset-loss to the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XXXVI, has filed a $100 million lawsuit with others against the team from Foxboro in retaliation to reports that the Patriots illegally filmed the Rams walk-through prior to the game. Gary’s mindless lawsuit is the most asinine attempt to extort money since Cosmo Kramer and his lawyer, Jackie Chiles, sued Java World for brewing “hot” coffee that eventually burned the eccentric Seinfeld character. If Gary’s case is not immediately dismissed as baseless, our legal system is in utter disarray.

• I am virtually positive that I know what candidate I am going to vote for in the 2008 Presidential Election. But, if Senator Arlen Specter (R-PA) unexpectedly and belatedly threw his name into the mix, I’d have to revise my choice.

• The New England Patriots (18-1*) were a collection of unlikable players in the 2007 season. Within a span of one year, they were caught cheating. Their “Golden-Boy” quarterback, Tom Brady, had a child out-of-wedlock while he was fornicating with a Brazilian supermodel. One of their stars on defense and the dirtiest player in the entire league, safety Rodney Harrison, 34, tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. Their polarizing jackass of a wide receiver, Randy Moss, was accused by a woman of battery. Finally, to put a neat-bow on the crew of miscreants, their sunny and classless Head Coach, Bill Belichick, decided to vacate the field before time expired in their 17-14 Super Bowl loss to the New York football Giants.

Nevertheless, all is not evil and bad. Sometimes one just needs to look more closely to find the good in something or someone. Thanks to the Patsies timely demise, thousands upon thousands of unsold hats and shirts with the slogans “19-0″ and “Patriots Super Bowl Champions” were donated to a charity that shipped the comedic merchandise to an impoverished Central American country this past week. See, there is light everywhere in a world that sometimes seems dark and unforgiving. Just ask the poor Nicaraguan children who are now unwittingly the newest members of Patriot Nation.

• PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU ARE YET TO WATCH EPISODE 58 OF HBO’S CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED DRAMA THE WIRE.

One of the greatest characters in the annals of modern television was murdered last Sunday night by a psychotic, cat-torturing 13-year-old. Omar Devon Little, 34, a homosexual stick-up artist beloved by alpha-males everywhere, died instantly after receiving a single gunshot wound to the head in a Korean convenience store. “Oh, indeed,” Little’s unique and disciplined “code” and his engaging screen presence will forever be missed. As the facially-scarred gunmen once said, “You come at the king, you best not miss.” Omar never missed and he will always be a king to fans of the Wire. Rest-in-peace, Mr. Little.

• Thanks again for reading my material. Without your readership, I’d have absolutely zero reason to write.

• Genuine thanks to you all for giving me some of your time. I hope I am able to entertain you with my rapid take on the week that was in the world of sports.

• Tarnished baseball legend Roger Clemens and controversial trainer Brian McNamee met with congressional investigators this past week in preparation for their February 13th hearing on steroids in front of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. Clemens and McNamee have conducted an intense smear campaign against one another designed to discredit and slander the other man’s word before Wednesday’s much-anticipated testimonials. To date, McNamee has dominated the mudslinging war by providing the feds with vials that allegedly contain traces of steroids and human growth hormone, as well as blood-stained syringes and gauze pads that purportedly contain Clemens DNA. For good measure, McNamee reportedly told investigators that he also injected Clemens better-half, Debbie, with HGH before she posed in a bikini alongside her portly husband for a 2003 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition photograph. McNamee preserving the noted evidence could simultaneously be the sketchiest and most pertinent proof since Monica Lewinsky revealed her semen-stained dress and it may be the smoking gun that lands Clemens in a “Federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.” On the positive side for “the Rocket,” he recently shed his frost-tip haircut. That bodes well for the notorious headhunter because such manes are likely very popular behind bars.

• Robert Montgomery Knight, 67, resigned this past week as the Head Coach of Texas Tech University. Knight, who quit on his team with the most career coaching wins in NCAA Division I history (902-371), is renowned for running clean programs (not one of his squads was ever sanctioned for recruiting violations) and graduating the large majority of his players. Regardless of his vast pedigree on the sideline, Knight is a miserable bully whose accomplishments are dwarfed by his hideous behavior and treatment of others. Knight’s callous and offensive statements and actions are innumerable. While coaching the U.S. team at the 1979 Pan American Games, Knight assaulted a Puerto Rican police officer over a dispute regarding a practice facility. In 1993, he kicked his own son Pat in the huddle of a game at Assembly Hall in Indiana leading the Hoosier faithful to jeer their inexplicable “hero.” In an April 1988 interview with Connie Chung, Knight said “I think if rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it.” The mentioned is a very, very brief exemplification of the malevolent individual that Knight really is. Bobby Knight was a great basketball coach. Bobby Knight never was and he never will be a good man. As Kent Harvey said when he was an IU freshman, “Hey, Knight. What’s up?” Luckily for the world of collegiate athletics, “the General” no longer is.

• University of Illinois athletic officials apologized for their fans behavior Thursday night in an 83-79 double overtime loss to arch-rival and 14th-ranked Indiana (19-3, 8-1) and their superstar turncoat Eric Gordon, 19. Gordon, a freshman guard who reneged on a verbal commitment to play for the Illini in late-2005, endured some of the vilest treatment since William Wallace meet his English executioners toward the end of Braveheart. Despite the hostile road environment and his shoddy play early, Gordon scored 18 second-half points to lead the Hoosiers to a colossal Big Ten victory. A crucial win like this is yet another reason to believe that the month of March will be very kind to the Hoosiers and don’t be surprised if Kelvin Sampson’s crew is singing “One Shining Moment” come April.

• Former WBO Heavyweight Champion Tommy “the Duke” Morrison (47-3-1), 39, who tested positive for the HIV virus in 1996, is scheduled to fight Matt Weishaar Saturday night on a Top Rank-promoted pay-per-view card in Leon, Mexico. The Association of Boxing Commissions is urging Top Rank matchmaker Bruce Trampler to mandate a blood test despite the fact that Mexico does not require them for fighters. The deadly HIV virus, which can not be cured, is transmitted via infected blood, semen and vaginal fluid. Boxing is a blood sport. No matter how minimal the chances are of acquiring the HIV virus in the ring, it is categorically insane to even contemplate putting the Rocky V star in a bout.

• The Miami Heat sent iconic center Shaquille O’Neal, 35, to the Phoenix Suns this week in exchange for 4-time all star forward Shawn Marion, 29, and Marcus Banks. Many hardwood pundits think that the Suns banged the pooch with their decision to acquire the aging and fragile big man. I am not one of those pundits. Granted, the Phoenix Suns have been one of the elite teams in the NBA for years and their fast-paced offense is a thing of beautiful production. But, they have never been able to get over the proverbial hump and there is nothing to indicate that they would have this year without making a transaction of some genuine magnitude. The acquisition of Shaq will grant Amare Stoudemire with great protection down-low and I believe the Suns, being led by two-time MVP playmaker Steve Nash, will create serious match-up issues for every team that they meet from this point on. The Suns couldn’t win it all without Shaq. Now we’ll find out if Phoenix will rise to championship glory with Superman on its side.

• New York Knicks guard Stephon Marbury, 30, will miss the remainder of the season because of complications he’s encountered from ankle surgery he underwent 3-weeks ago. With Marbury on the sideline indefinitely, the Knickerbockers quest for a championship is in grave jeopardy. Ha!!

• After drinking like Mickey Rourke’s character in Barfly, my friends and I began to discuss the male soap opera that was formerly known as the WWF. During the bender, a fascinating question was broached by my friend, Latroy. Latroy wondered who was the most prominent and important grappler among the trio of “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, “Macho Man” Randy Savage and the “Nature Boy” Ric Flair. I entirely realize that I’m probably going to get a great deal of flack on my comment board for writing about a topic that many find to be such a reprehensible waste. But, if there is anyone with love for 80’s squared circle action, your feedback would be appreciated.

• Thanks again for providing me with some of your time. Without your readership, I’d have no reason to write.