• I thank you all for taking the time to provide me with some of your time. I hope I am able to entertain with my rapid take on the past week in the world of sports.

• Since the 2004 season, the Boston Red Sox have had the rare decided edge in their rivalry with the New York Yankees. Last year, a major piece to the Sox championship success was their late-innings relievers and their dynamic closer, Jonathan Papelbon. Because Papelbon, 27, has thrived in his first two All-Star-caliber seasons in the majors, he recently claimed that he is at the top of his profession and his contract should been indicative of his status as the game’s best out of the bullpen.

“I feel a certain obligation to not only myself and my family to make the money I deserve but for the game of baseball – I mean, Mariano Rivera has been doing it for the past 10 years,” said Papelbon. “With me coming up behind him, I feel a certain obligation to do the same. And, yeah, I’m at the mercy of the club right now to a certain extent. But you know, it’s just a matter of ironing out the numbers and we haven’t ironed them out yet. Hopefully we can get a mutual agreement.”

There is no argument that Papelbon is a great talent and he likely is in fact the best closer in the game at this particular juncture. But, make no mistake, he has some brass and audacity to even place his name next to the best closer in the history of the sport of baseball. When the Yankees whirlwind pitcher began dominating the sport in 1995, Papelbon was a 14 year old kid from Louisiana probably masturbating to the female cast (I hope) of Friends. Papelbon has been excellent since being called-up in 2005 and I am sure that he will excel in his profession for years to come. But, to date, his resume exhibits one good postseason and one homoerotic “riverdance” performance that New Englanders have come to cherish. Say what you will, but that pedigree sounds just a tad underwhelming in comparison to the Sandman’s and Papelbon needs to stop going “off to never never land.”

• Within the past week alone, New York Yankees owner Hank Steinbrenner has sparred verbally with persons within the Boston Red Sox and Tama Bay Rays organizations. Don’t get me wrong, I am an enormous supporter of the brazen chain-smoker and his candid bluster. But, sometimes enough yammering is enough yammering. Hankenstein needs to become more selective when it comes to deciding what battles he wants to wage. As Proposition Joe Stewart once said on HBO’s the Wire, “You stir up a bees nest, there ain’t no tellin’ who’s gonna get stung.” Pick and choose your battles with wise selection, Hank. Pick and choose.

• The New York Jets have spent like Eliot Spitzer on whores so far this off-season and their splurge has agitated a number of Jets veteran players who feel like they should be compensated before newcomers to the team are. Are the fumes and toxins from the Jersey swamps officially getting to the men from East Rutherford or what? The Jets went 4-12 last season and they have been among the worst teams in the NFL in two of the past three seasons. So, how can these traditional losers have the moxie to bellyache about anything? When your record stands at 18-30 since 2005, you should shut your mouth and express gratitude for even maintaining employment. Like usual, the Gang Green roster seems to be diseased.

• It was nice to see Boston Mayor Thomas Michael Menino attend the 107th annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade in South Boston Sunday. After all, his premature parade arrangements for the New England Patriots Super Bowl championship did not exactly materialize seamlessly.

• Now that the Los Angeles Lakers are back among the NBA’s elite, one needs to wonder if their whiny superstar, Kobe Bryant, still wants General Manager Mitch Kupchak’s balls in a vice.

• Unknown professional golfer Tripp Isenhour was charged with cruelty to animals last week after killing a red-shouldered hawk because of noises the bird was making while he was filming his “Shoot like a Pro” instructional video. According to witnesses, Isenhour began driving balls towards the hawk in an attempt to get it to fly off into the sky. After firing off approximately nine-shots, Isenhour drove a ball that struck the hawk in the side of the head causing the bird to fall 75-feet to the ground. The hawk bled from both nostrils as it lay on the golf course dying. Granted, like Isenhour said, it was likely a “one-in-a-million” shot that he couldn’t replicate if he tried. Nevertheless, I kind of wish Alfred Hitchcock’s movie the Bird’s came to truth during that one moment. Now, that would be “one-in-a-million.”

• Thanks again for reading my work. Without your readership, I’d have zero reason to write.

• I thank you all for giving me some of your time. I hope I am able to entertain everyone with my rapid thoughts on the past few days in the world of sports.

• Kelvin Sampson, a mental-gimp who is a notorious and talentless repeat-cheater, resigned as Head Coach of the Indiana University men’s basketball team Friday night after agreeing to a $750,000 buyout of his contract. In the interim, Dan Dakich will assume coaching responsibilities and attempt to lead the Hoosiers (22-4) to their first championship since 1987. Despite the Hoosiers great success on the hardwood to date, this has been the darkest season in the storied and pristine history of the program and jettisoning the worthless Sampson should be considered as steps to a renaissance for the Assembly Hall faithful. Indiana doesn’t necessarily need Coach Norman Dale. But, they do need someone and I’d rather have Delilah than Sampson.

• IBO and IBF Heavyweight Champion Wladimir Klitschko (50-3), 31, defeated an underwhelming Sultan Ibragimov (22-1-1), 32, via unanimous decision to gain Ibragimov’s WBO crown in a boring and lackluster fight at Madison Square Garden Saturday night. Despite the hideous display of pugilism, Klitschko got closer to becoming the first unified heavyweight champion in nearly two-decades and anything he does henceforth I will handle with kid gloves (pun intended). Klitschko may not be akin to the menacing Russian Ivan Drago. But, there are no Rocky Balboa’s in this once glamorous division and, at this point, “Dr. Steelhammer” is acceptable and simply as good as it gets.

• William Gary, an undrafted rookie who played for the 2001 St. Louis Rams in their 20-17 upset-loss to the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XXXVI, has filed a $100 million lawsuit with others against the team from Foxboro in retaliation to reports that the Patriots illegally filmed the Rams walk-through prior to the game. Gary’s mindless lawsuit is the most asinine attempt to extort money since Cosmo Kramer and his lawyer, Jackie Chiles, sued Java World for brewing “hot” coffee that eventually burned the eccentric Seinfeld character. If Gary’s case is not immediately dismissed as baseless, our legal system is in utter disarray.

• I am virtually positive that I know what candidate I am going to vote for in the 2008 Presidential Election. But, if Senator Arlen Specter (R-PA) unexpectedly and belatedly threw his name into the mix, I’d have to revise my choice.

• The New England Patriots (18-1*) were a collection of unlikable players in the 2007 season. Within a span of one year, they were caught cheating. Their “Golden-Boy” quarterback, Tom Brady, had a child out-of-wedlock while he was fornicating with a Brazilian supermodel. One of their stars on defense and the dirtiest player in the entire league, safety Rodney Harrison, 34, tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. Their polarizing jackass of a wide receiver, Randy Moss, was accused by a woman of battery. Finally, to put a neat-bow on the crew of miscreants, their sunny and classless Head Coach, Bill Belichick, decided to vacate the field before time expired in their 17-14 Super Bowl loss to the New York football Giants.

Nevertheless, all is not evil and bad. Sometimes one just needs to look more closely to find the good in something or someone. Thanks to the Patsies timely demise, thousands upon thousands of unsold hats and shirts with the slogans “19-0″ and “Patriots Super Bowl Champions” were donated to a charity that shipped the comedic merchandise to an impoverished Central American country this past week. See, there is light everywhere in a world that sometimes seems dark and unforgiving. Just ask the poor Nicaraguan children who are now unwittingly the newest members of Patriot Nation.

• PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU ARE YET TO WATCH EPISODE 58 OF HBO’S CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED DRAMA THE WIRE.

One of the greatest characters in the annals of modern television was murdered last Sunday night by a psychotic, cat-torturing 13-year-old. Omar Devon Little, 34, a homosexual stick-up artist beloved by alpha-males everywhere, died instantly after receiving a single gunshot wound to the head in a Korean convenience store. “Oh, indeed,” Little’s unique and disciplined “code” and his engaging screen presence will forever be missed. As the facially-scarred gunmen once said, “You come at the king, you best not miss.” Omar never missed and he will always be a king to fans of the Wire. Rest-in-peace, Mr. Little.

• Thanks again for reading my material. Without your readership, I’d have absolutely zero reason to write.

• I thank you all for giving me some of your time. I hope I am able to entertain you with my thoughts on the greatest Super Bowl ever played.

• Ding Dong the witch is dead. The team that many proclaimed was the greatest in the history of the NFL was not even the best one on the gridiron in 2007. In an upset of Davey and Goliath proportions, the New York football Giants (14-6) defeated the “unbeatable” New England Patriots (18-1*) 17-14 in Glendale, Arizona in Super Bowl XLII.
Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning (19-for-34, 255 yards, 2 touchdowns), an individual I once compared to Corky Thatcher, threw the game-winning 13-yard touchdown pass to embattled wide receiver Plaxico Burress with 35-seconds remaining in regulation to lead the Big Blue to their third championship in franchise history.

Despite their shocking demise, the record-setting 2007 New England Patriots were a legendary squad whose accomplishments should never be forgotten or diminished. Unfortunately, in lieu of Sunday’s gut-wrenching loss, one can anticipate that history will not be kind or complimentary to the Patsies.

At this moment, it is impractical to suggest that this years version of the Patriots are anything more than the 43rd best team in the history of the National Football League and it would be an utter crime to mention them in the same breath as the 2007 championship-winning football team from Gotham.

• Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, the ranking Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, announced last week that he wants to speak with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and possibly hold hearings to determine the leagues reasoning for destroying all evidence from “Spygate.” In response to Specter’s request, Goodell stated that he would gladly meet with the Senator to discuss the Patriots cheating tactics and the two have tentatively agreed to rendezvous sometime early next week.

Two days after Specter’s and Goodell’s political jockeying, the Boston Herald published a report Saturday asserting that Bill Belichick and his nefarious Patriot staff illegally taped the St. Louis Rams’ private walk-through before their 20-17 triumph in Super Bowl XXXVI. If such an unsportsmanlike taping actually transpired, the Patriots would have had an enormous competitive edge in the red zone and there is little to no question that it would have played a vital role in New England’s measly 3-point “upset” victory over the heavily-favored Rams.

Whatever motives Specter may have for revitalizing the notorious “Spygate” scandal, if this allegation is proved to be true, Goodell needs to administer a swift and powerful punishment to Belichick and New England as a whole. I’d broach the idea of publicly stoning the philandering fashion-plate. But, in a civilized society, that isn’t realistic. So, suspending Belichick for an entire season and forfeiting the Patriots 2001 championship campaign would seem perfectly justified. Draconian sanctions of the like are not unprecedented in the world of sports. Just ask the University of Michigan and the much-ballyhooed “Fab Five.” In case you forgot, their 1992 Final Four run never happened.
As Sophocles once said, “I’d rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud.”

• The New York Giants, who entered Sunday as 11-point underdogs in the Super Bowl, cost Nevada sports books a record $2.6 million with their epic 17-14 victory. As Detective Jimmy McNulty said on HBO’s the Wire, “You play in dirt, you get dirty.”

• Eli Manning, 27, deserves a wealth of credit and respect for producing under Manhattan’s unrelenting and downright harsh glare. Nevertheless, regardless of his performance in the playoffs, Manning is an unrefined product who desperately needs to improve his horrid mechanics in the off-season. I am not trying to urinate on Eli while he sips on his champagne.
The facts are that this past season Manning, the 1st overall selection in the 2004 draft, had a sub-par quarterback rating (73.9), he completed only 56.1% of his passes and he was tied for the league lead with 20 interceptions. Those numbers are virtually Leaf-ian and it is imperative that Manning develops into the performer that his skills indicate he can become on a consistent basis. If he doesn’t locate consistency with his game, the New York area will turn on him quicker than a pit bull on a poodle and Arizona will feel further away than Melmac.