MITCHELL BLATT

Sports Illustrated reports Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003.

Yawn.

Any educated person who follows sports already knew this. Jose Canseco reported in 2007 that A-Fraud took roids. (ESPN) Unfortunately, not many educated people follow sports. Most people thought the 12th all-time home run leader could have never taken steroids. Canseco was a liar, they said, apparently not having heard about his first book, Juiced, which exposed the steroid problem and named lots of players who were later proven to have taken steroids.

Juiced Sports Blog wrote in 2007 that A-Rod didn’t deserve the home run record. Still think he does?

“Jose Canseco, whose book about steroids in baseball, “Juiced,” focused attention on the use of performance-enhancing drugs and led to congressional hearings on the subject, now says that he should have never written the book and named names of alleged steroid users.

During the A&E Network program “Jose Canseco: The Last Shot,” Canseco said he “regrets mentioning players [as steroid users]. I never realized this was going to blow up and hurt so many people.”

During the program, Canseco said he “wanted revenge” on baseball because he believed he had been forced out of the game. The book was his means of getting even, and he named names “to show I was telling the truth” about steroids in baseball, he said.

Among the names Canseco named in “Juiced” as alleged steroid users were Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro and Sammy Sosa. All three addressed the congressional hearing on steroids, with McGwire’s testimony damaging his chances of being voted into Cooperstown and Palmeiro’s unequivocal denial of steroid use haunting him when he later tested positive and was suspended.” -ESPN

Have at it.  And don’t worry, we’ll have more on this later.

Infamous whistle blower and 1988 AL MVP Jose Canseco was knocked out Saturday night in a celebrity boxing match by former professional football player Vai Sikahema at Bennie Robbins Stadium in Atlantic City.

Sikahema, 45, who was an amateur Golden Gloves champion during his youth before he starred on the gridiron, put Canseco, 44, out of his misery only one minute and 37 seconds into the first round.

Following the massacre, the “Tongan Terror” was asked if he was surprised by any aspect of his fight with the Material Girl’s previous boy-toy.

“That it didn’t finish in the first 30 seconds,” said Sikahema, who is seven inches shorter and 43 pounds lighter than Canseco.

Prior to the donnybrook, Sikahema warned the admitted steroid abuser that his size wouldn’t compensate for his lack of skills in the ring.

“Don’t even think your size is going to matter,” cautioned the onetime running back and kick returner. “I’m going to kick your ass. I’m going to chop you down.”

“We’ll see bro,” responded Canseco, his eyes shifting side-to-side like a paranoid crackhead on a Baltimore street corner.
Canseco received $30,000 for his disgusting imitation of pugilism and Sikahema was compensated $25,000, $5,000 of which he’s donating to the widow of a Philadelphia police sergeant killed in the line of duty earlier this year.

“Canseco’s fighting for the money, but I’m fighting for a cause,” noted the compassionate scrapper. “In boxing, that means something.”

In the long run, because of his scandalous book “Juiced,” Canseco will always mean something to the world of sports.
Nevertheless, he is still a deplorable and miserable excuse for a human being.

“He’s rotted inside out,” Sikahema observed. “He’s a pathetic figure.”

“Like a Prayer,” lets hope this past weekend is the last we hear of the washed-up Bash Brother.

I thank you all for taking the time to give me some of your time. I hope I am able to entertain with my rapid take on the past few days in the world of sports.

NEW YORK YANKEES

The New York Yankees surprised many onlookers this off-season by not succumbing to temptation and trading their prized farmhand, Phil Hughes, to the Minnesota Twins for their two-time Cy Young Award-winning ace, Johan Santana. Santana, 29, is widely considered to be the best pitcher in the sport and it was presumed acquiring the lefty-ace would catapult the Bombers to their first world series championship since the 2000 season. A fan of any team would love to have Santana and his career 94-34 record in their rotation. But, I genuinely believe the Yankees made the correct decision when they passed on Santana and I am confident that their choice to do so will pay dividends in both the future and present.

Hughes, 21, has obvious capabilities and I can envision him contending for the Cy Young Award as early as this year. But, the Bombers reluctance to jettison their blazing center-fielder, Melky Cabrera, 23, in the trade was an equally imperative retention. ‘Leche,” a switch-hitter who has been among the league leaders in both triples and outfield assists since debuting in 2005, is a dynamic spark plug who will likely be the centerpiece to New York’s outfield for the next 13-seasons. The homegrown combination of Hughes and Cabrera have an opportunity to be something special in Gotham and it is a stark and pleasant change in the Yankees approach that they will have a chance to see their potential materialize in the Bronx. As the adage goes, sometimes the best trades are the ones that never happen.

PAUL O’NEILL

Former New York Yankees right fielder Paul O’Neill retired at the end of the 2001 season with five world-championship rings and a legendary reputation for being a “warrior” in the Bronx. O’Neill, a 5-time All-Star selection who won the batting title in 1994, may not quite be a Hall of Fame caliber ballplayer. But, he demands respect and respect is not giving his jersey number to some journeyman gump named Latroy Hawkins. I mean, seriously, Latroy Hawkins! Adorning Hawkins with O’Neill’s jersey number is akin to stripping Al Pacino of his Hollywood Walk of Fame star in favor of Elizabeth Berkeley for her captivating performance in Showgirls. The Yankees brass should be ashamed they enabled this debacle to occur and they need to rectify their nonsensical decision in a quick and timely fashion. Latroy Hawkins!?!?

JOBA CHAMBERLAIN

As long as a throng of midges aren’t involved, like Kenard in the Wire, Yankees flamethrower Joba Chamberlain, 22, just “gets shit done.”

CLAY BUCHOLZ

The Boston Red Sox stud pitcher Clay Bucholz, 23, has a lot of talent and I am positive that he will be a mainstay in the rotation at Yawkey Way for quite some time. But, the kid wears enough silver chains and beaded necklaces to be a white man’s answer to a flaming Mr. T and he really should renovate his style entirely. Bucholz is lucky he didn’t get sentenced to a “federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison” when he stole 29 laptops from a high school and sold them 5 years ago. His sweat-pea collection of jewelry would have prompted an abundance of undesired attention from inmates looking to become his “friend.” It’s never too late to change, Clay.

JOSE CANSECO

Jose Canseco recently claimed that 60 Minutes correspondent Mike Wallace, 89, inquired to him after being interviewed in 2005 about the benefits of steroids and HGH and he wondered if utilizing those drugs would behoove a man of his age. What can one really say in response to Canseco’s newest allegation? What’s the brazen whistleblower possibly going to charge next? That he injected Nancy Reagan with Winstrol during a break of her inaugural “Just Say No” drug awareness campaign. With Canseco, everyone’s in peril of being smeared.

DONNIE WALSH

After being hired this week by the New York Knicks to serve as their new President, Donnie Walsh was asked why he decided to take over for the false prophet, Isiah Thomas, and he responded by saying, “I”ll be honest with you, I don’t know why I did it.” As Jesus Quintana once said in The Big Lebowski, “You said it, man.” Thomas has created a wasteland that will take ions to be rectified and no one can say with certainty that Walsh has enough years left to see a transformation at the Garden. After a few months conversing with Knicks Owner James Dolan, Walsh will likely wish he opted for retirement instead of 7th Avenue.

NCAA TOURNAMENT

The NCAA men’s championship game between Memphis University and Kansas is not scheduled to begin until 9:22 PM on Monday. Red Bull, anyone?

I again thank you all for providing me with your time. Without your readership, I would have absolutely zero reason to write.

• Former Atlanta Braves relief pitcher John Rocker, a village idiot who alienated the city of New York with his racist and homophobic comments, became the latest outcast to finger New York Yankees superstar Alex Rodriguez as an abuser of steroids. On Monday, the obnoxious hick from Georgia claimed that in spring training of 2002 a doctor hired by the Major League Baseball Players Association instructed him and his then Texas Rangers teammate on how to juice-up in a way that is “not going to hurt you.” This is the second time since December that A-Post-Season-Out has been accused of utilizing synthetic testosterone. In the immediate aftermath of the Mitchell Report, Jose Canseco, a dishonorable speaker of truth, said he was flabbergasted that A-Rod wasn’t among the 83 names mentioned in the Director of the Boston Red Sox investigation into performance enhancing drugs.

“All I can say is the Mitchell Report is incomplete,” Canseco said. “I could not believe that (Rodriguez’s) name was not in the report.”

As mind-numbing as it is, in this distorted day and steroid age, Canseco is baseball’s answer to “Honest” Abe Lincoln and if he says the purple-lipped pariah took a banned substance then he likely did.

• Generally, I am not a conspiracy theorist. After reading Gerald Posner’s book “Cased Closed,” I think Lee Harvey Oswald was Jack Kennedy’s lone murderer that terrible afternoon in Dallas, Texas. I am also not a member of the “9-11 Truth Movement.” I think 19 members of Al Qaeda commandeered 4 commercial aircrafts on 9/11/2001 and that’s that. But, with A-Rod’s conspicuous omission from Mitchell’s report, I wonder if a conspiracy is not in our midst. Can one not fathom Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig politely asking his investigator to keep his paws off the heir apparent to his sports all-time home-run crown? Rodriguez, who has 518 round-trippers at 32 years of age, will likely surpass Barry Bonds, the face of steroids, and his 762 lifetime dingers somewhere in the vicinity of the year 2012. Selig needs a dirty Rodriguez as much as he needs a case of herpes and I am confident that he’ll go to great lengths to keep A-Rod’s drug results cleaner than Danny Tanner’s kitchen floor.

• By the way, for those keeping record at home, the Red Sox mediocre pitcher, Daisuke Matsuzaka, has recorded more postseason RBI’s (2) than A-Rod has since game four of the 2004 ALCS. Rodriguez has one RBI since that timeframe.

• Wednesday on Capitol Hill, tarnished baseball icon Roger Clemens exhibited the least impressive performance in a court of law since Stanley Rothenstein’s public defender graced us with his stuttering-self in “My Cousin Vinny.” Under oath, rogue trainer Brian McNamee said he injected Andy Pettitte with human growth hormone and, when pressed, the lefty-ace acknowledged that McNamee was being straightforward with his account. After having his ear placed against the proverbial stove, McNamee revealed that he also injected Clemens better-half, Debbie, with HGH and the pitcher’s wife reluctantly admitted that McNamee was speaking with candor. Are we truly to believe that McNamee is lying solely regarding his accusations towards Clemens? I think not. Clemens is a disgraceful excuse for a husband, friend and ballplayer.

• Since its Valentine’s Day, one needs to wonder what Knicks owner James Dolan and his Head Coach Isiah Thomas have planned for the night. I’ll bet they are going to share a bath in a heart-shaped tub and listen to the sexual melodies of Marvin Gaye from a Bose sound system.