SCOTT JACOBS

So you had the Dolphins winning 10 games this year right?  Ya, me too!

Well, we’re six bowls games in, and JSB is just 3-3, losing all three contests by a combined 9 points!  Boise State, Troy, and Fresno State are all getting coal in their stockings this year.

So the Lions have finished playing their home slate of games for 2008.  But you don’t have to wait too long if you want to see more mediocre football at Ford Field: Central Michigan and Florida Atlantic play there in the Motor City Bowl on Friday.

NBC opted to flex the Broncos-Chargers game to primetime, over Chad Pennington’s return to New York (ahem, New Jersey) with the greatest single season turnaround in NFL history on the line? Look, Miami hasn’t played a lot of great teams this year, and they’re not exactly a star studded squad, but c’om, the Chargers at 7-8!  Since when did the bowl system follow up into the pro ranks?

The Celtics have won 19 in a row, are 27-2, and boast the best two loss record in NBA history. But who cares about that!  Is LeBron James leaving Cleveland or not?  C’mon LeBron we know you know.

Coming in 2010: NBA Free Agency, the True story of fake rumors.  Producer: Jerry Bruckheimer.  Starring: Will Ferrel and Tom Cruise.  Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t worry about the present is rumored to be the movie’s slogan.

Speaking of 2010, who needs to play the 2009 Super Bowl?  Why not just move on to Miami, where the 2010 game will be played.

Wonder what Joe the Plumber is doing for the holidays?  Ya, me neither.

So did you hear the news?  The Coyotes are pretty much broke.  Apparently they don’t make any money on parking at their arena, Jobing.com. In fact, they actually have to pay about $2 million out of their pockets. Sounds like they got jobbed when they agreed to that stupid deal.

Hey it’s that time of the year: the time for giving?  Nah, it’s the time for Brett Favre rumors.  Will he come back, will he retire, or will he continue advertising with Wrangler?  Check back sometime in June.  The Jets seemingly checked out last week.

Capital One Bowl Week: Catch it… go outside and do something with your life.

Got to love Sports Illustrated!  You know what they put on their end of the year cover?  One of the rescued dogs from Bad Newz Kennels. SI really did it this time.  How can you possibly put the SI jinx on anything that’s already been touched by Mike Vick?  Exactly, you can’t!

Anyone find the timing ironic?  Rookie Matt Ryan leads the Falcons to a stunning wildcard berth, and Mike Vick’s dogs still get top billing.  What does a once in a decade rookie QB have to do to get some love around here?

Favorite quote of the week if not the month: “They are on a completely different economic playing field,” Brewers owner Mark Attanasio said today of the New York Yankees. “I paid $220 million for my team; now they get three players for $420 million.”  I guess they shopped the discount rack.

Wes Welker was fined $10,000 for making a snow angel in New England’s trouncing of Arizzzzzzzzzzzzz…ona.  In unrelated news, the NFL cancelled Christmas.

Have a safe, happy, and healthy holidays everybody.

SCOTT JACOBS

To whomever is listening:

One year ago we were celebrating our first win.  We were preparing to play the undefeated Patriots and knew we’d probably lose again.  But one thing was for sure.  We wouldn’t go winless, that we did secure.  Cleo Lemon was our quarterback, our team had mailed a miserable season in.  It was a depressing time to be us.  No one was proud to be ‘phin.

We went into the offseason as the worst team in the sport.  Our NBA bretherin tried to give us support.  But they too had hit bottom, South Florida’s saddest sports feat.  When will it come together, we can’t dare a season of repeat.  But we brought in the Tuna and he instantly brought us cred.  Then we brought in a cool sounding assistant to be our coach, make it head.  We cut our team in half, and filled our squad anew.  We wanted to get some toughness, we wanted to look like we had a clue.

But even after a summer in which we remade our team, the idea of being relevent, was still but just a dream.  We still had no leader, we still had no QB.  We looked like a  mismatch of anything but made for TV.  And then the hated rival took a chance on an old legend who chose to unretire.  His acquisition sent me packing, and really lit my ire.  After all my time that I had put in, they kicked me to the curb.  Eight years of service, treating me that way was absurd.

And so I went looking for work, and you guys came calling.  You said you’d pay me well, and let me start, and that what happened to me was appalling.  I agreed, and came aboard, hoping to resurrect my career.  I was looking for a new home, one where the fans would consistently cheer.  People questioned my arm, and said I was washed up, and asked what was I doing. They told me this would be a day that my new team would be rueing.

But you continued to believe in me, and stuck by my side, even after things looked bleak. Even when we started 0-2, you refused to believe we were up a creek.  You kept me in, amidst the cries of let the new guy play.  I watched the fans etch my name as a guy in decay.  But then we went up north and beat the team that didn’t lose.  We won with some trickeration, but from there we began to cruise.  It wasn’t always the smoothest path, it almost never is.  But to succeed in life, you have to overcome strife, tis, tis, tis.

Now look at us, we’re on the verge, we’ve done what no one said we could.  We’ve overcome, we’ve never come undone, and now we’re right on the door-step.  Of re-writing logic, of captivating the masses into a pure state of delirium, and doing what no one believed we could do.  We’ve listened in, and taken a spin, we’ve heard the critics through and through.

But here we are, knocking, will you please let us in?  For what else do we have to accomplish to get your love again?  Next time I get to play the old guy who was cooler than me and took my place.  I can’t wait to see what happens, when we leave with a title to see the look on his face.  O well, I guess they never appreciate you till you’re gone.  I got no love from the league above, but that ain’t going to stop me.  That primetime game once again won’t involve my bunch.  But I’ve got a hunch, and I’ll bet my lunch that you won’t want to miss this, you!

Thanks a lot, it’s been fun, starting over, and living in the sun.  I keep waking up thinking this is all I dream.  I keep pinching myself, because I want to scream.  Let me at ‘em, let me at ‘em, I’ll tell them what they did wrong.  They set me loose, them silly goose.  Don’t they know I’ll never let that down.

Sincerely,

Chad Pennington

MITCH BLATT

Joey Porter has accused Brandon Marshall of being gay and questioned whether Matt Jones should be playing after being charged with possession of cocaine.

Porter called Marshall gay after Marshall called Porter soft, following the Dolphins victory over the Broncos. Marshall said that Porter had “popcorn muscles,” and Porter responded, ”You might want to watch him. Making comments about another man’s muscles?”

Well, apparently it is also gay to make comments about another man’s cocaine possession.

There was no subtlety in Jones’ response:

“I don’t know why [Porter] is even thinking about me. I mean, maybe he likes other men.”

Jones has gotten me questioning my sexuality now.

I mean, I’ve criticized Pacman Jones for all the fights he’s gotten into. I don’t think Matt Jones should be playing either. (He got suspended for three games, but he is still playing because he appealed it.)

It is my job to question athletes, so I guess I can get away with it without Porter having to watch me. (Which he would certainly want to do if I was gay.)

However, I would say that it is Porter’s job to question other players as well since he is an NFL player. After all, I write about football, and he plays, and I’d have nothing to write about if the players didn’t do and say stupid things.

Porter hasn’t commented yet on whether Jones is gay. I’m not sure how they know they are gay…

Perhaps we could ask for Terrell Owens’ advice on which of them is gay. He seems to be an expert on that topic.

UPDATE: Last season, Joey Porter called Kellen Winslow a “fag.”

SCOTT JACOBS

Joey Porter never thought it possible.  Not in his lifetime at least.  He wasn’t alone.

Many believed that a woman would become president before an African American.  Or black American, however you want to say it.  Any way you spin it, politics have spilled onto the fields where our heros play.  Athletes are speaking up like we’ve rarely heard before.  They never thought they’d see it, they can still hardly believe it.

“For America to accept us on that level as people, we went through a whole lot,” said Porter. “You got to understand he’s going to the White House.”

And for a day I’ll be happy to let the NFL’s sack leader speak his mind.  Usually Porter just bashes the opposition, like Denver’s Brandon Marshall, or Matt Cassel, but you have to hand it to the man, he’s backing his words up.  He said Miami would beat the Patriots and they did.  Fortunes have changed so much in Miami that ESPN analysts are begining to take notice.  One ESPN analyst (his name escapes me) has the Dolphins not only making the playoffs but winning the AFC East. One thing at a time buddy.

I can live with an athlete that can back his smack up and I am totally okay with politics from our athletes.  I’ve never been a huge smack talk fan, but if you can back it up, have at it.  All’s fair in love and war, and Porter is loving life right now.  His Dolphins (4-4) are the most excited .500 team in probably a decade.  They’re a game back of three teams tied at the top.  They believe.  They have a quarterback who gives them a shot.  There could be something special in the air.  Special like last night, when what once seemed like the unthinkable, happened.

The Dolphins making the playoffs seemed laughable after last season’s 15 loss debacle.  But thanks to Bill Parcells, Jeff Ireland, and Tony Sparano, Miami revamped their team, traded old parts for new ones, and they got themselves a quarterback.

Look at ‘em now. Road wins over New England and Denver.  Home victories over San Diego and Buffalo.  There’s not a bad win there.  And for a team that was just plain horrible last year, 4-4 looks like 6-2.  They’re begining to believe in Miami.  And maybe things are changing.  Afterall, few expected Florida to go blue.  And yesterday it did.

And I hate to use that word, but maybe, just maybe, change is in the air.

Take a look at the division races for yourself:

AFC East: Three way tie (Patriots, Bills, Jets)
AFC South: Titans in an absolute runaway
AFC North: Steelers looking good after handily beating Skins
AFC West: No one wants it, but mediocre Denver leads it.

Now compare that to last year:

AFC East: Patriots, and it was never close
AFC South: Colts, what a difference a year makes
AFC North: Steelers, when the Browns were finally good for a change
AFC West: Chargers started slow, finished hot

Now we move over to the NFC:

NFC East: Giants, runaway train heading to big things it looks like
NFC South: Panthers looking good early, with no expectations for once
NFC North: Bears look shaky if Orton’s out for any length of time
NFC West: Cardinals, hey division: a little competition please?

Now compare that to last year:

NFC East: Cowboys dominated regular season
NFC South: Bucs did what they had to do to hold off rivals
NFC North: Packers, Where’s number four at?
NFC West: Seahawks prove no one’s in their division.

The point being: change is in the air.  In football, in basketball (where the Hawks are 3-0 after beating New Orleans, and even in hockey (where Martin Brodeur will be out for 3-4 months for a Devils team that doesn’t know what it’s like to live without him) change is all around us.

Like it or not, it has arrived.

And lest us forget: congratulations to Kevin Johnson.  The former Suns great was elected as Mayor of Sacramento on Tuesday night.

SCOTT JACOBS

Wow, what a wild week of football. Who would have thought in their wildest dreams that the Patriots would get throttled by the Miami Dolphins at home nonetheless, ending the longest regular season winning streak in NFL history at 21 games. One thing’s crystal clear at this point: it takes a quarterback to win in the NFL, and yesterday Matt Cassel just wasn’t there.

Let’s get this thing rocking.

So, Ronnie Brown what do you have for an encore? After four touchdown runs and a throw to boot (he’s lefty, I never knew that!) Brown cemented himself in football lore becoming the second player in NFL history to throw for a score and run for four more. Who could have known that the answer to Miami’s abysmal offense was a run/handoff option directly snapped to a running back that was lost for much of last year with a tough knee injury? Certainly not New England, which looked absolutley lost trying to defend it. But it wasn’t just Ronnie Brown. Chad Pennington was in a word: brilliant, compiling the best quarterbacked Dolphins game I can remember in recent memory. Pennington was 17-20 for 226 yards and even had a nice little spin away from a defender to get a nifty little first down. All this proves: you don’t have to throw the ball deep to throttle an opponent.

Did we mention Miami’s defense? Because they were great. The Patriots rolled up a pitiful 216 yards of total offense and Miami forced two turnovers, while committing none. The Pats were 4-15 on third down. This much is clear: without Brady the Pats are ordinary, and boring. Kind of like that girl from American Beauty. As for the Dolphins, well it’s just one game, but could they have played a better game? No. They couldn’t do anything wrong, and if you didn’t know better, you would have believed they were the ones coming off of a 16-0 season and a trip to the Super Bowl.

As Miami beat-down the Patriots, the Bills climbed back from a 17-6 hole at home to the Raiders to win 24-23 on a Ryan Lindell 38 yarder. The Bills scored 17 points in the fourt, overcoming a late 9 point deficit with under five minutes to go, and in the process took the lead in the AFC East as they improved to a surprising 3-0. After the Pats pitiful showing at Foxboro yesterday, Buffalo’s resiliency mad a huge early season statement that they are in fact the real deal. The Bills improved to 3-0 for the first time in 16 years! That year, they made the Super Bowl. Is this year going to result in the same?

Meanwhile, the Raiders heartbreaking loss probably spells the end for coach Lane Kiffin. Kiffin was already under fire when reports surfaced that he would be canned last week. But this week, it looks like Kiffin is as good as gone. Not really sure why, considering how well Oakland has played these last two games, but desperate franchises make desperate moves. The youngest coach in the NFL is about to find himself out of a job.

Okay, so you can hold off on the Super Bowl tickets for now Cards fans. Arizona lost a tough one in D.C. to the Redskins 24-17 Sunday, their second loss in a row at Washington. Kurt Warner’s slightly under-thrown pass was basically the difference, as Carlos Rogers picked it and took it back 42 yards. The “what were they thinking play of the game” went to Arizona coach Ken Whisenhut, who inexplicably handed the game over to his defense instead of going for it on 4th and 4 at midfield with less then three minutes to go. If you want to win in this league you have to make bold, brash decisions. Playing it safe, or in this case, stupid, is just ridiculous and asinine. It may or may not have cost Arizona a win, but at least give the team a shot. So no 3-0 for Arizona. 1974 remains the last time the Cardinals won their first three.

Alright, now that we’ve got those fun friends down pat, here’s the skinny on the rest from a frantic week three.

The Giants, Bucs, Jaguars, and aforementioned Bills all won off a game winning field goal Sunday.

For the Giants, it was another clutch performance from Eli Manning, who engineered a beautiful overtime drive to ice Cincinnati’s frustrating 0-3 start. Manning made a perfect throw to Amani Toomer who made a splendid acrobatic catch on the sidelines, and dragged his toes in bounds. That set up a John Carney 22 yarder, and just like that, the Super Bowl champs are off to a flying start at 3-0. As for the Bengals, well it’s getting really ugly now. Once playoff contenders, the Bengals appear doomed back to their losing ways in the season that I believe will be Marvin Lewis’ last.

The Bucs threw the ball – now you may need to re-read this more then once – 67 times on Sunday as they beat the Bears in overtime at Soldier Field. The Bucs, known notoriously for a power running game, and great defense, instead won the game on Brian Griese’s 407 yards passing and two touchdowns. Why 67 times? Because Tampa mustered nothing on the ground, getting just 47 yards from Earnest Graham and Warrick Dunn. Instead, the Bucs won a game in which they committed four turnovers. The most astonishing thing about the whole thing? Griese dropped back to pass 67 times, and was not sacked once! That has to be some sort of a record.

The Colts dropped to a shocking 0-2 at the Oil Dome as karma reared its ugly head on the team that named its stadium based off a company that gives us a product that none of us can afford. But seriously, the Colts are now 1-2 for the first time in a long time, and their September swoon looks kind of serious. The Colts appeared to have this game won, after the Jags failed to convert on a 4th and 1 with under 30 seconds to go, but a pass interference call swung changed everything. On the surface the call looked terrible, but a closer look shows that the defender impeded the receiver’s route and it was indeed a good call. After that, it was all semantics as Josh Scobee nailed a 51 yarder to put the nail in the coffin and secure a 23-21 Jags victory. More impressive was the run Scobee did after the play, running all the way to the endzone to fetch the ball that saved Jacksonville from falling to a shocking 0-3. And because of that…

The Titans now lead the AFC South by two games. Tennessee destroyed a Texans team that had it’s bye week last week because of Hurricane Ike, and this week they looked like they needed a few weeks to prepare for a Tennessee team that is just rolling right now. How good are the Titans right now? They had eight penalties for 75 yards compared to Houston’s two for ten yards, and they still won by 19. Can the Titans be an elite team with ageless Kerry Collins at the helm? It’s too soon to say, but how about that Titan’s D, holding the Texans to 3-15 on third down. Jeff Fisher, your teams never fail to amaze me.

The Falcons are 2-1 and tied for the NFC South lead after beating the lowly Chiefs 38-14. Tyler Thigpen was not the second coming of John Elway, or even Elvis Grbac for that matter, and Kansas City’s fall from relevance continued as the new look Falcons thrashed the Chiefs. Is Atlanta actually good? Their two wins are over the Chiefs and Lions, who are now a combined 0-6! Yikes. But hey, after Atlanta’s miserable year last season, they’ll take any wins they can get. It doesn’t matter who they’re against.

The Seahawks and Vikes, two playoff contenders to start the year, both got on the board yesterday with their first wins. St. Louis on the other hand, looks like it may never win. The Rams have yet to score more then 13 points in a game, and have lost by 35, 28, and 24. If there’s anything positive, it’s that the deficits keep shrinking. Everything else, well is disturbingly negative. And remember Steven Jackson’s big contract extension? Well, he doesn’t look the part right now. St. Louis’ running attack is currently the worst in football, averaging just 56.3 yards a game.

Denver and Baltimore are still perfect. The Broncos held off a hard charging Saints team to improve to 3-0, as Jay Cutler proved that yes, he was indeed the best quarterback in that first round draft class. The Ravens dropped Cleveland 28-10, and it is getting ugly in Browns-ville. The Browns still have four more scheduled national TV games, and they’ve yet to record a win. In fact, the Browns have yet to score more than 10 points! That’s not exactly the formula for winning football as the Browns plunder into the AFC North basement.

Finally, the two participants from last week’s thrilling MNF Showdown both took care of business, as the Eagles held off the Steelers 15-6, and the Boys shredded up the Pack 27-16. I think these are the two best teams in the NFC right now. And Aaron Rodgers got a reality check yesterday, as Dallas sacked him 5 times for a loss of 40 yards total. The honeymoon isn’t over in Green Bay, but it’s clear that Dallas is right now at least, the superior team.

Alas we finish up by asking the question: how does Matt Millen have a &#$%@! job?  The Lions were trashed yesterday 31-13 by the 49ers who all of a sudden, are tied for the NFC West lead.

As for my Monday Night pick: Let’s go with San Diego to get their first win 28-21.