MITCHELL BLATT

This morning on SportsCenter, the crew analyzed the first two picks, then for some strange reason, they jumped to #6 and analyzed the Knicks pick.

Okay, so they had a good reason to talk Knicks. As Stu Scott said, “Since we’re in New York, we’ve got to talk about the New York-area teams.”

Yeah, no one cares that you’re in New York, but everyone hates the Knicks, and they suck anyway, so you have no reason to talk about them.

So then Jeff Van Gundy is asked to analyze the pick, Danilo Gallinari or something, and he must be thinking the same thing I’m thinking because he has no idea who the hell D-Gal is, so he had to quote other people who were affiliated with the Knicks when he analyzed the pick. He was basically reading off a press release.

He said:

I’m not as comfortable saying what type of player he is, because I haven’t watched him a whole lot, Stu. If he plays like Fran Prischella [sic] says he does, which is ‘tough, hard, high basketball IQ,’ the New York fan is attracted to all those qualities. This guy, if he’s ‘multidimenstional,’ as Donnie Walsh said, put it deep, put it on the floor, in traffic, he’ll fit in.

Frankly, I think he’d fit in better if he was selfish and sucked. But, I will say that if he’s a great player who can score lots of baskets, he’ll be a good pick.

SCOTT JACOBS

We scoured the internet for juicy commentary and half assed insight on the biggest trades and moves made in the midst of the NBA Draft flurry. But then we got bored, and settled on these.

Richard Jefferson is off to Milwaukee in a move that makes the Bucks a playoff contender. Then again, how hard is it to finish 8 games under .500 nowadays? Why Michael Hunt thinks the Bucks are now a little better then they were before the trade. But keep an eye on the future, 3 years from now, when the Bucks will seriously have to take a look at their payroll situation.

While the Bucks seem to have some sort of plan, the Nets look a little clueless. And contrary to Mark Jackson’s glowing assessment of their recent activities, the Nets are going nowhere soon. Except to Brooklyn in 2010, and with it will go a heap load of cap space. Call it Lebron space. Then again, Amare, D-Wade, and Chris Bosh are all potential free agents that year. Still though, acquiring Yi and Simmons leaves one question: Is Vince Carter next? After all, the Nets have a mere two guys older then 25 now. That is truly the definition of a youth movement.

Toronto’s blockbuster trade for the oft-injured Jermaine O’Neal may have looked great on paper, but it doesn’t make the new look Raps that much better, nor any more exciting says Dave Feshuk. In fact, the trade makes the up and coming Raptors older, and slower. Bryan Colangelo’s vision for a sleek, quick European style team is out the window, and the death of breakneck basketball is quickly becoming more apparent by the day, as teams like Boston and San Antonio win their titles with stifling defense and timely offense.

Say what you want about Indiana’s uh, complete roster revamping, but this much is clear: no one is untouchable in Indiana. And to tell you the truth, who on that team is that great anyways? The once dynamic Pacers are now a collection of decent veterans, and potentially good young guys, with no superstar in sight. But hey, Pacers fans wanted change, and Larry Bird has delivered that… and the infamous “loads of cap space” for the future to get a great free agent. Because everyone is just dying to go to Indiana.

Grizzlies basketball is well… o who are we kidding, boring as hell. But Geoff Calkins applauds the pathetic franchise for making… well a splash. Okay, so they won’t win a championship he quips, but at least there’s hope. And those of you wondering what it would have taken to pry Michael Beasley from the Miami Heat? How about Rudy Gay. I guess Memphis isn’t totally retarded.

As for Minnesota and Kevin Love and Mike Miller? Well, I can’t even find a local columnist who wrote about it. Someone must have. In the meantime, check out their “logo face lift.”

The Heat got hot sauce when it selected Michael Beasley says Dave Hyde.

The Suns won’t be bringing sexy back with Robin Lopez, but it was the smart pick believes Dan Bickley

The best piece of work written about the draft was clearly this gem.

Though Bill Simmons annual draft diary never fails to disappoint.

SCOTT JACOBS

7:01- Alright, here we go! ESPN’s got the inspirational music going, 100% reason to watch this draft tonight, this should be one heck of an evening. I usually watch the draft, but this year seems to be one of the most exciting in years. So get out the team jerseys, the draft hats, find a snug spot on the couch and indulge in the one week and two day anniversary of Boston’s first championship since 1987!

BTW: Chicago’s picking D-Rose. It’s not a bold decision, but I’m convinced that’s their man. I’d be legitimately surprised if he falls through the cracks of the number one pick. We just need 30 more minutes for them to confirm what we’ve all believed they would do all along.

7:06- The Bulls will indeed go with Rose. Now it’s just dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s. And it appears that the Heat will smarten up and pick Beasley. Though the last time I was convinced a Miami team would surely pick a player (ala: Brady Quinn) they went with Ted Ginn Jr.

7:09- Jeff Van Gundy: “Michael Beasley will be a hall of fame player.” Easy Jeff, you’ve got all night to say crazy things.

7:10- Mayo would have been the first player taken if he didn’t have to go to college, but Beasley was a better player in college, and boy can that guy rebound. Thats the difference if you ask me.

7:12- Dick Vitale: “20 and 10 every night” for Beasley. Miami Heat fans: “can we get that in writing?”

7:14- This is the one night where every player looks clean cut and well dressed. Well… almost every player. But isn’t it funny what these guys look like when they don’t have tattoos? It’s like Edgerrin James without pads: a totally different animal!

7:42- Rose certainly won’t win any speaking awards, but he does go number one to Chicago.

7:50- Beasley to the Heat. Mayo to the Wolves. I’m predicting the Sonics go with Lopez or Bayless.

7:51- O.J. Mayo looks like he’s 27. He looks more like a college professor then a college dropout. That voice is deep!

7:54- Seattle has so many picks that they’ve unofficially agreed to leave two of them in Seattle if the city lets them bolt to Oklahoma City.

7:55- New York won’t get one of their guys, as Russell Westbrook gets taken by Seattle. The first of two Bruins who were sure picks to get into the lottery.

7:58- That was a really short interview with Westbrook. Apparently, one question is all you get after the first three picks.

7:59- Bayless falls in New York’s lap and they take him with the sixth pick. That’s my gut pick with the Knicks two picks away.

8:00- Memphis went 9-27 after the Pau Gasol trade. Yeah, that and the Lakers made the Finals. Definitely a good trade for the Grizz.

8:01- Bruin #2 gets taken, as Kevin Love goes to Memphis to play with Elvis, I mean, Jarvis Crittendon? Is that his name. Something like that. Have fun playing in the NBA city that is probably next after Seattle to lose their team.

8:02- My dad: “It’s funny how NBA players wear a hat in the draft. You never see them wear a hat any other time.” Good point, basketball is one of the only big sports were your head stays lidless.

8:04- Love is the first white guy to get picked. We’ll keep an eye on that tally as the night goes. And when we say white, we mean American white. Sort of like the American white cheese. Yeah, something like that…

8:05- New York is on the clock. Odds of Knick fans booing the pick: 2-1.

8:07- With the sixth pick, the New York Knicks go with… the Italian guy! Danilo Gallinari. Knicks fans don’t sound too pleased. Welcome to the Big Apple buddy! He’s the first international guy to get picked. Number six overall.

8:08- Reebok has already made the “Rooster” shoe in honor of Gallinari? Um, yeah, The Answer, The Truth, and The Rooster? Sorry Italy, not feeling it!

8:10- “New York is the best city in the world” Gallinari says, as Knick fans boo their brains off. “I like to win and play hard.” Um, yeah…?

8:12- Eric Gordon goes to… the Clips. He gets the honor of being LA’s 20th lottery pick. Congrats, now welcome to Purgatory. By the way: Clippers wanted him, and were willing to go to four for him, so getting him at seven is a nice coup for LA. They’ll team him up with Al Thornton. Should be a nice scoring duo.

8:15- Wow, Gordon looks like he’s 15. What a baby face. Another freshman goes in the top ten.

8:17- What a weird looking ball they play with in Italy. And you thought the ABA was bad.

8:18- The Bucks take Joe Alexander with the 8th pick. “A freak of an athlete,” said Jay Bilas. Look at Milwaukee’s roster now: Alexander, Jefferson, Redd, Bogut, that team is looking very playoff ready. They stay healthy I like their chances of avoiding the lottery in 2009.

8:21- “I can’t wait to get there” says Alexander of going to Milwaukee. Well, that makes one of us I suppose.

8:25- The Charlotte Bobcats go with D.J. Augustin out of Hook Em’ Horns Texas. Brooke Lopez hides his head in disgust. Augustin is 5′11. That’s tiny. meanwhile, Bayless continues to free fall, probably out of the top 10. “5′11 I didn’t even know that they pick people that little anymore,” said my dad. Yup, no rule on height just yet.

The draft is like someone who gets drunk. You love it at the beginning. It’s still good when you’re buzzed, and then you sober up, and realize, damn this is pretty boring.

8:27- “I’m ready to take on any challenge,” said Augustin. What is he supposed to say, “crap, I had to end up with this piece of garbage team?” Seriously.

8:29- “Brooke Lopez just leaned over to his mother and whispered, well ma, there goes the house,” said my dad. Hilarious stuff. Brady Quinn anybody?

8:30- Brook Lopez is off the board. His brother cheers, and New Jersey gets a building block for 2010 when they land, allegedly Lebron James. Lopez makes Stern “look like a little kid.”

8:31- “New Jersey had to wear a mask, because they just got a really good steal” says Bilas of the pick. “I can’t wait,” says Robin Lopez, as he waits to get picked. “Do they have a hat big enough for his head?,” my dad asks?

8:33- Brook sounds retarded. Listen how loud he’s speaking? “He sounds like an idiot, but he’s rich now” says my dad. Could be worse right?

8:35- Finally Bayless gets taken. The Pacers pick him 11th. The 5th Pac 10 player taken in the first 11. Wow.

8:37- Trying to find an NBA draftee who really sounds excited is like watching paint dry. Boring and pointless.

8:45- Portland’s on the clock. isn’t there a rule on how many awesome young players you can have on one team?

8:47- Brandon Rush gets taken by Portland. Wow, that team is going to be loaded! I was hoping he would fall to Phoenix, but that is null and void now. Heaven forbid Phoenix get a guy who can defend!

8:50- The Warriors are up now. The best team not to make the playoffs. Unfortunately, that saying won’t sell many t-shirts or hats. If they were in the East, their 48 wins would have put them fourth.

8:51- Anthony Randolph from the Bayou goes to G-State. “Painfully thin,” says Bilas of the freshman. Thin as a rail Bilas? Too soon? Too soon? By the way: they said that about Chris Bosh, and I heard he turned out okay.

8:53- Chrystal Randolph is his mom. That’s a cool name. Now she can buy the drink to match the name.

8:55- Vitale was shocked by Seattle’s pick. They should have went with Love he believed. “I think they’re really going to regret not taking Kevin Love,” he said. Uh O, Vitale pulls out the Darko comparison on Gallinari. “Gallinari and D’Antoni, sounds like a great Italian restaurant,” believes Vitale. Would you eat there? Yeah, maybe for me too.

8:56- “He’s incredible” says my dad. “Announcers could learn a thing or two from him.”

8:57- And the Suns select Robin Lopez. “Does that mean they’re getting rid of Shaq,” asks my dad? Suns fans can only hope. The hat barely fits Lopez’ head, but it looks nice I suppose. The Terry Porter era in the Valley of the Sun has officially begun as the Suns go for defense and shot-blocking. It’s okay you can say that again: defense.

8:59- “Look at that hat,” says my dad. It’s hanging on his head by a thread. Gotta love that head of hair.

9:00- Interest begins to wane in the draft now that Phoenix and Miami have picked, so we do what any other self respecting red blooded American would do: we turn to Deal or No Deal.

9:02- Here’s a thought, why not take the guys who get selected for Deal or No Deal, and have them translate what college players drafted are saying. Sort of like the Geico commercial. For example, it would be so much more exciting if Rose’s interview went like this:

“Rose: I’m excited.”Contestant: This is so freaking awesome man I think I’m going to piss myself.”

Now that would make great theater. I think I’m going to petition the league to get that rule going.

9:08- The Pacers take… Roy Hibbert? Talk about the guy who should have been the guy who left a year earlier. Hibbert goes 17th. In the meantime, Hibbert would have probably been top five last year. See kids, staying in college isn’t always the smartest decision. In fact it can be a very irresponsible one.

9:12- Wired: “I’m going to be like Brady Quinn,” says Brook Lopez, as he waited for his name to get called. That was my line!

9:13- Terry Porter, don’t sound too excited about being on TV, you might hurt yourself.

9:14- Now we get to the no namers as JaVale McGee goes 18th to Washington. “He needs to learn the game, he needs to learn how to play,” says Bilas. “That’s great,” said my dad. Yeah, he sounds like a sure thing (wink wink).

9:15- Indiana and Portland make a trade shipping Bayless and Diogu to Portland. “That must suck,” says my dad. “You get picked and now you have to change teams.” Quick take the picture: Bayless in a Blazers hat when the Pacers just traded for him. Somewhere out there a basketball card just became rare.

9:18- The Cavs could really use a superstar. They should pick Kosta Koufos. “Sounds like a country,” my dad says. Certainly would be a big place.

9:20- Take a fresh piece of gum and enjoy it,” says Marc Jackson of Darrell Arthur’s wait. Huh?

9:21- Lebron’s new sidekick: J.J. Hickson. Yet another freshman. That’s eight guys picked who stuck around for one year of college who’ve been taken so far tonight. Damn, I should have made myself eligible. I just finished my freshman year!

9:24- Side note: I can’t be the only one dying to see The Pineapple Express. That movie just screams “epic.” Ya know, like The Love Guru. It’s okay, it’s okay, I was just kidding. I’m not that sick in the head.

9:26- The draft is like someone who gets drunk. You love it at the beginning. It’s still good when you’re buzzed, and then you sober up, and realize, damn this is pretty boring. Charlotte takes Alexis Ajinca from France. One person claps. No one has any idea of who this guy is. “He looked great one on zero,” said Fran Fraschila. Uh, what?

9:28- His wingspan is 7″8′! Wow.

9:30- “The Nets are trying to get better,” says Marc Jackson. Really? Is that the goal? Who knew. How could no one have signed this guy to be their coach?

9:33- Darrell Arthur is… not selected? Poor guy. The Nets take Ryan Anderson instead. “He can really score,” says Bilas. “Why is he so low then?,” asks my dad on point.

9:36- I guess even ESPN loses interest eventually, as their ticker disappears, and you just have to guess when someone will get their name called by the commish.

9:37- This I found strange: while they hold the draft at the WaMu theater inside Madison Square, the Liberty (New York’s WNBA team) play a game against the Fever. Odd that they would hold both on the same night.

9:39- Alright, I tried. But I can’t do it. It’s too hard to care about the draft once you get outside of the first two hours.

9:40- I guess better luck next year.

12:36- With the first pick of the 2009 NBA Draft the Memphis Grizzlies select…

SCOTT JACOBS

You feeling lucky punk?

Yeah you Chicago. You just pulled off the heist of the post-season when you stole the number one pick in the NBA’s annual Rip-off-teams-palooza (aka: the NBA Draft lottery). With a minuscule 1.7% chance to land the number one pick, the Bulls, who finished with the ninth worst record in the league, got to Secaucus, NJ hoping that their 2.4% chance to get in the top three, would possibly land them six spots higher. Instead, they hit the jackpot, vaulting over league worst Miami and Dwayne Wade, to snag either Derick Rose or Michael Beasley.

Tough decision. But who ever thought they would have that decision to make?

For that matter, how does the NBA’s Draft lottery allow such blasphemy to happen?

If I had to go with a ridiculous scenario going into the night, I would have picked the Knicks to get a top two pick. (The whole Mike D’Antoni, bring back the swagger back to the Gawwwwwwwwwden type thing, just screamed conspiracy). But New York stayed right where they were. At number six.

D’Antoni opted for the opportunity to ressurect a trainwreck over a Bulls team a year removed from a Conference Semi-Finals appearance. And now the Bulls have the number one pick. The story is so good it just has to be fattening.

Meanwhile, Kevin Durant was unable to bring second worst Seattle a top two pick. Instead, the Sonics who had a 17.07% chance to land the third pick, an 18.78% chance to land the second pick, and a 19.90% chance to land the top pick, fell all the way to number four. The tough luck franchise got bitch slapped by the karma gods who have probably been watching their ugly legal battle ensue. I can vouch that Seattle/On Our way to Oklahoma, heck just name us the Barons and give us black and gold unis, were prime candidates to get screwed. The NBA hates what’s happening with the whole situation, and after Seattle lucked out landing Durant last year, karma was not going to let a bunch of greedy jerks inherit another kinda/sorta sure thing.

So here’s the skinny on the fat.

1. Chicago- Go buy a lottery ticket Bulls fans. Today is your lucky day!
2. Miami- Well, at least we get Beasley or Rose, though not the position to pick. Scraps could be worse though.
3. Minnesota- Boston and KG take on Detroit in the Conference Finals on ABC/ESPN. We jumped up a spot from number four, but we still won’t be relevent for another 230 years.

As for the Lottery itself:

1. Only teams with the top 5 crappy records should get a shot at the number one pick. The Bulls won 33 games. That’s 18 more then the Miami Heat!

2. Cut the crud ESPN. The lottery actually happened hours ago, with the build up started at 7:30, and didn’t end until about 8:17 Eastern time when the envelopes were finally opened. 47 minutes of “just announce the damn lottery already” is enough to cause even the most casual of fans a hint of aggravation.

3. Stop the celebrity interviews. Ask me if I care that Jay Z is a minority owner of the Nets. Go ahead, ask me! No. I couldn’t care less. And if I wanted to see celebrities boring the crap out of me, I’d watch MTV. Moronic Television.

As for the playoffs…

1. Nothing’s a sure thing. New Orleans should be back next year, but who knows. A year ago the Bulls were chic picks to go to the East finals, and they failed to make the playoffs in the EAST. A slipup in the west with Portland on the rise and at least seven other quality teams means that the Hornets should not take anything for granted.

2. Chris Paul is a fabulous player, but he needs to develop akiller instinct. He needs the ball in his hands late in games, not Pargo. Not Stojakovich. Paul needs that D-Wade rage, where he just goes off, and scores 13 unanswered himself. Once Paul does that, the Hornets (who will reportedly be styling new unis next year) will be golden.

3. Give me LA. If I had to venture odds on teams left in the post-season and who has the best shot to win it all based from worst odds to least, this would be my list:

4. Boston- Win a road game and then we’ll talk
3. Detroit- I’ve got a funny feeling they’re going to the Finals
2. San Antonio- That game seven win in N’Orleans was impressive
1. Los Angeles- It kills me to admit this, but it’s their championship to win this year.

One final thought:

With 2:35 to go in the first it was Boston 12 Detroit 11. That was with Detroit on an 8-0 run. I just hope this isn’t a sign of offensive mediocrity to come. We shall see.