SCOTT JACOBS

So Plaxico Burress apparently shot himself last Friday at some nightclub, when his gun accidentally went off.  I know it’s not funny, but doesn’t a small part of you find it a little humorous how sad and pathetic of a story this guy has become?

In unrelated news, the Giants are on fire, 11-1, and on the verge of clinching the NFC East.  They’ve already exceeded their win total from 2007, the year they uh, won the Super Bowl.  Last year they shocked the world.  This year, well, a lot of people will be shocked if they don’t win it all.

Texas is griping about the BCS.  What’s new?  Nothing.  Interestingly enough there are reports and rumors that even if the Longhorns don’t make it to Miami they can still finish number one in the AP Poll.  Apparently there’s a gigantic gap in the USA Today poll, and the AP Poll.  In the USA Today all voters must put the BCS Championship game winner number one on their final ballot.  Not so for the AP Poll, which has 65 voters who can do whatever the heck they want. In other words, if Oklahoma runs the table and wins it all, and Texas wins their matchup in the Fiesta Bowl, against either Utah or Ohio State, the Horns could feasibly be voted ahead of the Boomer Sooners in the AP Poll.  Round and round we go.

And while we’re at it, does every game really mean something in college football?  That’s the tired line we’ve been fed for a few months now.  That every game is a playoff because of the BCS.  I somewhat disagree.  Tell that to USC (who barely lost to what turns out to be a decent Oregon State team) or Texas (which lost by a hair to Texas Tech on the road).  Every game is big, yes.  But every game is not created equal.  It’s about who you lost to, how they beat you, and when they beat you.  It’s the reason USC isn’t higher in the polls right now.  They were a heavy favorite to beat Oregon State and they lost.  And even though it was super early in the year, and they’ve gone onto destroying everything thrown in their way since, it doesn’t matter.  In fact, I’d argue, that USC may be in the top three right now of the BCS had they lost to the Buckeyes by a field goal at home.  Instead, they whalloped the Bucks and the BCS computers whalloped them a few weeks later after losing in Corvalis.

Other thoughts and bickerings…

My respect for Stephon Marbury dies a little more every day.  In fact, I think I have more respect for Mike Tyson now.  At least he put a giant intimidating tattoo on his head.  Marbury had the gall to tattoo his stupid brand logo on his scalp.  Classless.

I’m sorry but the NFL Network’s coverage of Arizona-Philly last week was beyond overkill.  They relentlessly hit on the same three topics the entire show, which lasted like 2.5 hours!   Donovan McNabb, Kurt Warner, and the Cards chance of clinching the West.  It was really disappointing from a channel that is supposed to be 24/7 football, not 24 hours of reruns.  And the analysis was awful pregame.  When the game did start Bob Papa put me to sleep.  It was the first NFL Network telecast I’ve seen this year on TV, and besides Chris Collinsworth I wasn’t impressed.  Papa has a crazy schedule, but he bores me to tears.  And so did that game, which was well out of hand after Warner and the Cards forgot to show up.

This isn’t super helpful to the good people of Seattle, but the team you lost to Oklahoma City absolutley stinks this year.  By far the worst team in the league, the Thunder recently ended a 14 game losing streak by beating the lowly Grizz.  The Thunder, or Sonic Stealers if it helps you Seattle, improved to a mind blowingly unimpressive 2-16.  But hey, there play matches their look and their owner’s class: very minor league.

But my favorite one has to be this gem:

“I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada,” Dallas Stars player Sean Avery said  recently. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my (former girlfriends). I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”

For that he has been suspended indefinetley.

Really?

Furthermore, the Stars are with the decision to suspend Avery indefinitely. Stars owner Tom Hicks said the following:

“I completely support the league’s decision to suspend Sean Avery,” Hicks said in a statement. “Had the league not have suspended him, the Dallas Stars would have. This organization will not tolerate such behavior, especially from a member of our hockey team. We hold our team to a higher standard and will continue to do so.”

In case you’re wondering, I think Avery just became my unofficial personal hero.  Listen to the “ex’s” he’s talking about:

Elisha Cuthbert

Rachel Hunter

And I’m sure there’s more.  And though hockey may not be big anymore, apparently hot famous chicks still dig it.  So hockey’s at least got that going for them.

SCOTT JACOBS

And then there was one.

The Cleveland Browns beat the New York Giants at their own game on Monday night stunning a nation now soul searching for an elite NFL team, and bringing new life to a season that had thus far been a major disappointment.

Browns 35 Giants 14. This one was not close. The Browns took a ton of penalties, hovering around double digits in yellow flags, yet they controlled the game, controlled the clock, and handed the so called far superior G-Men loss number one. And with it, the Titans, the Tennessee Titans, are the NFL’s lone unbeaten (Just go buy a lotto ticket now if you had that one on your betting scorecard).

The Giants drove to Cleveland’s six yard line with eight minutes and seven seconds left in the game, and appeared to be on the verge of closing the gap, when Eric Wright stepped in front of Eli Manning’s pass and took it to the house for six, securing a win no one saw coming. It was the third of three picks for Manning, who had just one pick going into the game. But not tonight!

With the Browns clinging to a 20-14 lead, it looked as if everything was ready to unravel. Penalty after penalty stalled the possession, and it just seemed like a matter of time before Cleveland made a back breaking mistake. But it never happened. Not tonight! Fourteen plays later, Braylon Edwards was slam dunking the ball over the goalpost and the Browns were up 27-14.

A 17-14 game at half, the Browns finally brought their A game. The game that people have expected of them all year and had yet to get. Until tonight! Derek Anderson exploded for 310 yards and two touchdowns, and Edwards finally had his breakout game– five receptions, 158 yards, 1 touchdown and the Cleveland Browns (the Cleveland Browns) beat the G-Men.

A stunning win. Not only because the Giants were perfect on the road, and hadn’t lost a road game since week one of last year, but also because people were ready to crown them as the top team in the league. So much for that. It’s a good thing the NFL doesn’t hold weekly polls that decide who goes to the Super Bowl, because like college football, their polls would be blown to pieces. And the unbelievable NFC East, all of a sudden looks very beatable. With the Giants, Redskins, and Cowboys all losing, this weekend, last place Philadelphia was the only one to secure a win this weekend. And with the play of the NFC South– you may see where I’m going with this– dare we ask if the NFC South is the best division in football? The Bucs and Panthers and Falcons are all 4-2. And the Saints are 3-3, and unlike the Cowboys who are falling apart right now (losing Tony Romo for four weeks and Felix Jones too), the South is healthy and rocking.

But that discussion is for later down the road.

Because if sports teaches us anything on a weekly basis, its that nothing is impossible. Improbable yes. Impossible, no.

And so Tennessee is the last unbeaten in the NFL.

Kerry Collins’ Titans. This is why we love sports. This is reason number one! C’mon, Kerry Collins? We couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried.

Not that it mattered, because they missed the touchdown anyway, on two tries. But it was a bad call.

Madden himself thought it would have been better to go for the field goal. And you know when Madden is right and you’re wrong, there’s a problem…

• I thank you all for giving me some of your time. I hope I am able to entertain everyone with my rapid thoughts on the past few days in the world of sports.

• Kelvin Sampson, a mental-gimp who is a notorious and talentless repeat-cheater, resigned as Head Coach of the Indiana University men’s basketball team Friday night after agreeing to a $750,000 buyout of his contract. In the interim, Dan Dakich will assume coaching responsibilities and attempt to lead the Hoosiers (22-4) to their first championship since 1987. Despite the Hoosiers great success on the hardwood to date, this has been the darkest season in the storied and pristine history of the program and jettisoning the worthless Sampson should be considered as steps to a renaissance for the Assembly Hall faithful. Indiana doesn’t necessarily need Coach Norman Dale. But, they do need someone and I’d rather have Delilah than Sampson.

• IBO and IBF Heavyweight Champion Wladimir Klitschko (50-3), 31, defeated an underwhelming Sultan Ibragimov (22-1-1), 32, via unanimous decision to gain Ibragimov’s WBO crown in a boring and lackluster fight at Madison Square Garden Saturday night. Despite the hideous display of pugilism, Klitschko got closer to becoming the first unified heavyweight champion in nearly two-decades and anything he does henceforth I will handle with kid gloves (pun intended). Klitschko may not be akin to the menacing Russian Ivan Drago. But, there are no Rocky Balboa’s in this once glamorous division and, at this point, “Dr. Steelhammer” is acceptable and simply as good as it gets.

• William Gary, an undrafted rookie who played for the 2001 St. Louis Rams in their 20-17 upset-loss to the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XXXVI, has filed a $100 million lawsuit with others against the team from Foxboro in retaliation to reports that the Patriots illegally filmed the Rams walk-through prior to the game. Gary’s mindless lawsuit is the most asinine attempt to extort money since Cosmo Kramer and his lawyer, Jackie Chiles, sued Java World for brewing “hot” coffee that eventually burned the eccentric Seinfeld character. If Gary’s case is not immediately dismissed as baseless, our legal system is in utter disarray.

• I am virtually positive that I know what candidate I am going to vote for in the 2008 Presidential Election. But, if Senator Arlen Specter (R-PA) unexpectedly and belatedly threw his name into the mix, I’d have to revise my choice.

• The New England Patriots (18-1*) were a collection of unlikable players in the 2007 season. Within a span of one year, they were caught cheating. Their “Golden-Boy” quarterback, Tom Brady, had a child out-of-wedlock while he was fornicating with a Brazilian supermodel. One of their stars on defense and the dirtiest player in the entire league, safety Rodney Harrison, 34, tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. Their polarizing jackass of a wide receiver, Randy Moss, was accused by a woman of battery. Finally, to put a neat-bow on the crew of miscreants, their sunny and classless Head Coach, Bill Belichick, decided to vacate the field before time expired in their 17-14 Super Bowl loss to the New York football Giants.

Nevertheless, all is not evil and bad. Sometimes one just needs to look more closely to find the good in something or someone. Thanks to the Patsies timely demise, thousands upon thousands of unsold hats and shirts with the slogans “19-0″ and “Patriots Super Bowl Champions” were donated to a charity that shipped the comedic merchandise to an impoverished Central American country this past week. See, there is light everywhere in a world that sometimes seems dark and unforgiving. Just ask the poor Nicaraguan children who are now unwittingly the newest members of Patriot Nation.

• PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU ARE YET TO WATCH EPISODE 58 OF HBO’S CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED DRAMA THE WIRE.

One of the greatest characters in the annals of modern television was murdered last Sunday night by a psychotic, cat-torturing 13-year-old. Omar Devon Little, 34, a homosexual stick-up artist beloved by alpha-males everywhere, died instantly after receiving a single gunshot wound to the head in a Korean convenience store. “Oh, indeed,” Little’s unique and disciplined “code” and his engaging screen presence will forever be missed. As the facially-scarred gunmen once said, “You come at the king, you best not miss.” Omar never missed and he will always be a king to fans of the Wire. Rest-in-peace, Mr. Little.

• Thanks again for reading my material. Without your readership, I’d have absolutely zero reason to write.

• I thank you all for giving me some of your time. I hope I am able to entertain you with my thoughts on the greatest Super Bowl ever played.

• Ding Dong the witch is dead. The team that many proclaimed was the greatest in the history of the NFL was not even the best one on the gridiron in 2007. In an upset of Davey and Goliath proportions, the New York football Giants (14-6) defeated the “unbeatable” New England Patriots (18-1*) 17-14 in Glendale, Arizona in Super Bowl XLII.
Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning (19-for-34, 255 yards, 2 touchdowns), an individual I once compared to Corky Thatcher, threw the game-winning 13-yard touchdown pass to embattled wide receiver Plaxico Burress with 35-seconds remaining in regulation to lead the Big Blue to their third championship in franchise history.

Despite their shocking demise, the record-setting 2007 New England Patriots were a legendary squad whose accomplishments should never be forgotten or diminished. Unfortunately, in lieu of Sunday’s gut-wrenching loss, one can anticipate that history will not be kind or complimentary to the Patsies.

At this moment, it is impractical to suggest that this years version of the Patriots are anything more than the 43rd best team in the history of the National Football League and it would be an utter crime to mention them in the same breath as the 2007 championship-winning football team from Gotham.

• Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, the ranking Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, announced last week that he wants to speak with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and possibly hold hearings to determine the leagues reasoning for destroying all evidence from “Spygate.” In response to Specter’s request, Goodell stated that he would gladly meet with the Senator to discuss the Patriots cheating tactics and the two have tentatively agreed to rendezvous sometime early next week.

Two days after Specter’s and Goodell’s political jockeying, the Boston Herald published a report Saturday asserting that Bill Belichick and his nefarious Patriot staff illegally taped the St. Louis Rams’ private walk-through before their 20-17 triumph in Super Bowl XXXVI. If such an unsportsmanlike taping actually transpired, the Patriots would have had an enormous competitive edge in the red zone and there is little to no question that it would have played a vital role in New England’s measly 3-point “upset” victory over the heavily-favored Rams.

Whatever motives Specter may have for revitalizing the notorious “Spygate” scandal, if this allegation is proved to be true, Goodell needs to administer a swift and powerful punishment to Belichick and New England as a whole. I’d broach the idea of publicly stoning the philandering fashion-plate. But, in a civilized society, that isn’t realistic. So, suspending Belichick for an entire season and forfeiting the Patriots 2001 championship campaign would seem perfectly justified. Draconian sanctions of the like are not unprecedented in the world of sports. Just ask the University of Michigan and the much-ballyhooed “Fab Five.” In case you forgot, their 1992 Final Four run never happened.
As Sophocles once said, “I’d rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud.”

• The New York Giants, who entered Sunday as 11-point underdogs in the Super Bowl, cost Nevada sports books a record $2.6 million with their epic 17-14 victory. As Detective Jimmy McNulty said on HBO’s the Wire, “You play in dirt, you get dirty.”

• Eli Manning, 27, deserves a wealth of credit and respect for producing under Manhattan’s unrelenting and downright harsh glare. Nevertheless, regardless of his performance in the playoffs, Manning is an unrefined product who desperately needs to improve his horrid mechanics in the off-season. I am not trying to urinate on Eli while he sips on his champagne.
The facts are that this past season Manning, the 1st overall selection in the 2004 draft, had a sub-par quarterback rating (73.9), he completed only 56.1% of his passes and he was tied for the league lead with 20 interceptions. Those numbers are virtually Leaf-ian and it is imperative that Manning develops into the performer that his skills indicate he can become on a consistent basis. If he doesn’t locate consistency with his game, the New York area will turn on him quicker than a pit bull on a poodle and Arizona will feel further away than Melmac.