Week 17: 9-6 (60%) / Season: 158-84 (65%) / Scott Picks: 6-8-1 (1-0)

Welcome everybody to the first annual Take it to the Bank NFL Awards (previously known as the Double Coverage NFL Awards). This season has been crazy with offenses reaching new heights and some well-established teams reaching new lows. The NFL unveils the AP awards during the playoffs, but we at Juiced Sports think a few hours after the end of the season is appropriate. The categories are the same as the AP’s but runner-ups will be named as well. Take it to the Bank will be back next season and we hope you have enjoyed our weekly pick-torial (get it?). With the draft coming up in just a few months, the column will turn into weekly offseason notes and a bunch of mock drafts for your reading pleasure. So stick around as we hit the fun part of the downtime between play. Without further ado, here’s the 2011 Take it to the Bank Awards.

NFL MVP: Aaron Rodgers / QB / Packers

SCOTT JACOBS

R.I.P. Texas Stadium.

R.I.P. Dallas Cowboys 2008?

Hello Drama!

The last football game at Texas Stadium won’t exactly go down in the history books as a memorable one (not for the Cowboys at least).  In fact, many Cowboy fans will probably choose to forget it ever happened.  With the playoffs within their grasps and a chance to make a huge statement on Saturday night on national television one team made a statement.  The other laid down and played dead.

In as lackluster, and shocking a fourth quarter as you may ever see, the Cowboys usually stout defense allowed a close game to get away, and all it took was two plays.  Clinging to a 19-17 lead, with both teams playoff hopes hanging in the balance, and a hostile (but cautious) Dallas crowd on their feet, the Ravens gave the ball to their running backs with the hopes that they could eat up the last three and a half minutes or so of the clock.  They didnt quite do that. They didn’t have to.  Willis McGahee took the handoff on 1st and 10 at Baltimore’s 23 yard line, and broke a few lifeless Cowboy tackles, and never looked back, running all the way to daylight and a stunning touchdown.

That was shocking.

But after the Cowboys came right back and Tony Romo connected with Jason Witten for a 21 yard touchdown, closing the gap to three, they opted not to kick the onside kick.  That was a mistake.

Again, trying to just run down the clock, the Ravens conservatively handed the ball off to Le’Ron McClain, who tilted his shoulder, broke a tackle or two, and then he too, dashed for freedom and the game clinching 82 yard touchdown.  Two plays, two running calls, two touchdowns.  And possibly the defining blow to a whacky, wild, made for reality TV Cowboys season.

McClain’s 82 yard scamper was the longest in Texas Stadium history, and if you ever get this on a Trivial Pursuit card one day– the last ever touchdown in the ‘ol stadium.

The Ravens moved to 10-5, after a heartbreaking loss to the Steelers the week before.  The Cowboys, a week after an exhilirating 20-9 win over the Giants, laid a giant gutless egg.  Baltimore looked ready for the playoffs.  Dallas looked ready to go home, and try again next year.

Tony Romo was pestered all game long and never truly found a rythm.  Roy Williams once again looked lost.  Hey Detroit: your fleecing of the Cowboys for Williams earlier in the year may be the only win you get this year.  Terrel Owens caught a touchdown, and made a few other nice plays, but was not ultimately a factor, and as always we eagerly await what he has to say after this one.

The road to the post-season for Dallas just hit a major road-block.

Instead of controlling their destiny going into a loaded with storylines Philadelphia game next week, the Cowboys now need to win next week, and have either A) Atlanta lose one of their final two games (at Minnesota, vs. St Louis), or B) for the Bucs to lose their last two games (vs. Chargers, vs. Raiders). So they’re not out of the woods yet, but I don’t think anyone left this one impressed by the Cowboys effort.  And they certainly didn’t look like a playoff team to me.

Instead the Cowboys looked like a team beaten down by drama and turmoil, a team that lost its swagger, and brought an effort tonight that didn’t match the magnitude of this game.  The Cowboys had that self-defeatist attitude throughout the game, almost as if their spirit was broken, an their hopes diminished.  Say what you will, the Ravens were without a doubt the better team.  They are a win against Jacksonville away from booking playoff tickets to most likely an AFC East city.

The Cowboys are on the outside looking in.  And after losing to one rookie quarterback, they’re at the mercy of another rookie quarterback and his team, Matt Ryan and the Falcons.  So that’s where we stand.  What a great game.  And what a great NFL Network telecast.  The best I’ve ever seen on this channel.  Bob Papa with Deion Sanders and Marshall Faulk was a brilliant three team booth, one with knowledge, energy, and excitement, something NFL Network broadcasts usually lack.  So I for one, hope that this broadcast team gets a chance to work together more often.  Sorry Chris Collinsworth, it’s nothing personal.

That wraps up the NFL Network’s slate of games for 2008.  I must say, they got some great games this year.  That Pats-Jets game could cost a potential 11 win Patriots team a spot in the playoffs.  That Colts-Jags game was great theater.  And tonight’s game was very entertaining. So kudos to the NFL for finishing off their coverage on a high note.

The Cowboys, will need to do that and more, if they want to have a chance at making the playoffs.

SCOTT JACOBS

So Plaxico Burress apparently shot himself last Friday at some nightclub, when his gun accidentally went off.  I know it’s not funny, but doesn’t a small part of you find it a little humorous how sad and pathetic of a story this guy has become?

In unrelated news, the Giants are on fire, 11-1, and on the verge of clinching the NFC East.  They’ve already exceeded their win total from 2007, the year they uh, won the Super Bowl.  Last year they shocked the world.  This year, well, a lot of people will be shocked if they don’t win it all.

Texas is griping about the BCS.  What’s new?  Nothing.  Interestingly enough there are reports and rumors that even if the Longhorns don’t make it to Miami they can still finish number one in the AP Poll.  Apparently there’s a gigantic gap in the USA Today poll, and the AP Poll.  In the USA Today all voters must put the BCS Championship game winner number one on their final ballot.  Not so for the AP Poll, which has 65 voters who can do whatever the heck they want. In other words, if Oklahoma runs the table and wins it all, and Texas wins their matchup in the Fiesta Bowl, against either Utah or Ohio State, the Horns could feasibly be voted ahead of the Boomer Sooners in the AP Poll.  Round and round we go.

And while we’re at it, does every game really mean something in college football?  That’s the tired line we’ve been fed for a few months now.  That every game is a playoff because of the BCS.  I somewhat disagree.  Tell that to USC (who barely lost to what turns out to be a decent Oregon State team) or Texas (which lost by a hair to Texas Tech on the road).  Every game is big, yes.  But every game is not created equal.  It’s about who you lost to, how they beat you, and when they beat you.  It’s the reason USC isn’t higher in the polls right now.  They were a heavy favorite to beat Oregon State and they lost.  And even though it was super early in the year, and they’ve gone onto destroying everything thrown in their way since, it doesn’t matter.  In fact, I’d argue, that USC may be in the top three right now of the BCS had they lost to the Buckeyes by a field goal at home.  Instead, they whalloped the Bucks and the BCS computers whalloped them a few weeks later after losing in Corvalis.

Other thoughts and bickerings…

My respect for Stephon Marbury dies a little more every day.  In fact, I think I have more respect for Mike Tyson now.  At least he put a giant intimidating tattoo on his head.  Marbury had the gall to tattoo his stupid brand logo on his scalp.  Classless.

I’m sorry but the NFL Network’s coverage of Arizona-Philly last week was beyond overkill.  They relentlessly hit on the same three topics the entire show, which lasted like 2.5 hours!   Donovan McNabb, Kurt Warner, and the Cards chance of clinching the West.  It was really disappointing from a channel that is supposed to be 24/7 football, not 24 hours of reruns.  And the analysis was awful pregame.  When the game did start Bob Papa put me to sleep.  It was the first NFL Network telecast I’ve seen this year on TV, and besides Chris Collinsworth I wasn’t impressed.  Papa has a crazy schedule, but he bores me to tears.  And so did that game, which was well out of hand after Warner and the Cards forgot to show up.

This isn’t super helpful to the good people of Seattle, but the team you lost to Oklahoma City absolutley stinks this year.  By far the worst team in the league, the Thunder recently ended a 14 game losing streak by beating the lowly Grizz.  The Thunder, or Sonic Stealers if it helps you Seattle, improved to a mind blowingly unimpressive 2-16.  But hey, there play matches their look and their owner’s class: very minor league.

But my favorite one has to be this gem:

“I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada,” Dallas Stars player Sean Avery said  recently. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my (former girlfriends). I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.”

For that he has been suspended indefinetley.

Really?

Furthermore, the Stars are with the decision to suspend Avery indefinitely. Stars owner Tom Hicks said the following:

“I completely support the league’s decision to suspend Sean Avery,” Hicks said in a statement. “Had the league not have suspended him, the Dallas Stars would have. This organization will not tolerate such behavior, especially from a member of our hockey team. We hold our team to a higher standard and will continue to do so.”

In case you’re wondering, I think Avery just became my unofficial personal hero.  Listen to the “ex’s” he’s talking about:

Elisha Cuthbert

Rachel Hunter

And I’m sure there’s more.  And though hockey may not be big anymore, apparently hot famous chicks still dig it.  So hockey’s at least got that going for them.

SCOTT JACOBS

And so it begins.  Again.  Thursday Night football on the NFL Network.

The game of the week that you most likely won’t be watching.  Not by choice though.  Probably because you don’t have it.  But have no fear.  For tonight’s Denver-Cleveland tussle marking Brady Quinn’s first ever start as a Brown, will at least be able to be seen live on your Sprint mobile phone.  And bits and pieces will be on display on NFL.com.  And if you live in Cleveland or Denver, the good folks at NFL Network will broadcast your game locally.  Otherwise, good luck, good grief, and enjoy the game that you can’t see.

Why?

Because there is still no deal with Comcast or any big cable provider for that matter to bring NFL Network to your living room.  Don’t look at me, I didn’t do it.

Luckily, this year’s slate of games doesn’t look all that appetizing.  No Packers-Cowboys fiasco, and no perfect season on the last day type of deal is going to impede NFL fans this year.

The rundown:

Week 10: Broncos at Browns
Week 11: Jets at Patriots
Week 12: Bengals at Steelers
Week 13: Cardinals at Eagles (Thanksgiving)
Week 14: Raiders at Chargers
Week 15: Saints at Bears
Week 16: Colts at Jaguars
Ravens at Cowboys (Saturday)

Sorry guys, I was only trying to help.  Okay, as it turns out, there’s some real gems on this year’s slate.  Tonight’s Broncos-Browns tilt features the free falling AFC West leaders from Denver clashing with the Cleveland ‘couldn’t contend with all those expectations’ Browns, who are stuck in third place in the AFC North behind a much improved Ravens team and the always steady Steelers.  But from there is where it gets very interesting.

Next week’s Jets-Patriots offers us a key AFC East game that we can’t watch.  Terrific!  As of now those two are tied in a three way scramble with the Bills for AFC East supremacy.  All three are 5-3, and don’t forget about the Dolphins, who are 4-4 and play Seattle and Oakland at home these next two weeks.  For those who do get NFL Network, you should be treated to a good one.

We’ll skip Bengals-Steelers, because now that the Bengals have a win, they’re not interesting at all anymore.  So, we’ll chalk up a nice win there for the Terrible Towels.

Which brings us to Thanksgiving, and a bold Cardinals-Eagles matchup, which is looking juicier by the minute.  Both the Cards and Eagles are 5-3 and that could be a huge game for playoff positioning.  Yup, not a typo, the Cardinals should have the NFC Worthless division locked up by then.  But who knows.  Nevertheless, this looks like a potential playoff matchup too.  Funny, considering the Cards and Eagles once played one of the worst, most horrifyingly bad games on national TV in a Sunday Night game what now feels like eeons ago.  If only I could remember the year!

How bad is the AFC West?  Well, Oakland’s trip to San Diego week 14 could come with playoff ramifications.  How you ask, after the Falcons slaughtered Oakland 24-0 dropping the Faders to 2-6?  Well, the Chargers, sitting at 3-5, are in second place.  And the afformentioned Broncos are first.  Thus, the unbelievable scenario that the Raiders could string together a few wins and contend for the division isn’t unfeasible. Borderline unbelievable, yes.  But impossible, no.  Thus, this game could, dare I say it, put the Raiders in position to maybe contend for a division title (I just laughed so hard I think I peed a little)…

Saints at Bears the next week looks like another interesting matchup.  It’s a rematch from their exciting 2006 NFC Title game matchup, and both teams are holding their own this year.  The Saints are the most exciting 4-4 team in the sport, and the Bears are actually leading the NFC Norris, although no one expects that to last.  Will Rex Grossman or Kyle Orton be under center for this one?  It could go a long way in determining whether this game has a lot of importance or just a little.

When the NFL Network got a Colts-Jags matchup sealed for the last week of the season, the execs at NFLN had to be jumping up for joy.  A sure-fire heavyweight battle that could even determine the AFC South winner was on their plate.  Nothing could mess that up.  And then they started the season, and the Jags limped out to a disappointing road loss at Tennessee and haven’t recovered since.  Ditto for the Colts, who survived the Pats on Sunday by a hair.  Neither team has a winning record, and neither team looks destined for the playoffs.  O yeah, the Titans have that division sewn up already.  Only it’s just not official, yet.

Ravens-Cowboys is the last NFL Network game, and depending on a lot of different things, could be huge, could be meaningless, or could be somewhere in the middle.  If you’d told me that the Ravens (who were Miami’s lone win last year) would have a better record than the Cowboys right now I woud have probably called you crazy.  But it’s true.  At 5-3, the Ravens are in second in the North, just a game out of first, while the Cowboys are trapped in the cellar of a log-jammed NFC East that offers no breaks, just pain.

So that’s the rundown.  Wish you had NFL Network?  Yeah, me too.  Wish this mess got disputed?  Yeah, me too.  Wish TNT won the rights to these games a few year’s back and this never even became an issue?  Ditto.  But it didn’t.  And so, we’re stuck with live look ins, going blind from watching the games on our tiny phones, and hopelessly wondering when this retarded fight will cease to be.

Why are you doing this to us NFL?  What’d we do to you?

We supported your ridiculous ticket prices, memorabilia prices, we bought seat licenses, and painted our house your team’s colors.  We died a little inside when our team lost, and we bought Sunday Ticket by the bunches.  Yet, here we are, wondering why we’re getting screwed.  Why Big Brother doesn’t want us to see these games.

I can’t be the only one here.

NFL fans unite!