SCOTT JACOBS

In honor of ESPN’s horrifically dumb idea to turn 20 places into Titletown, the good folks at Juiced Spots figured, what if you flip the script. What if there was a competition for the Anti-Title town? The area so bad, that their fans are almost ashamed to root for their so called ‘teams.’

So what’s the criteria?

Well, it’s rather simple really.

The town has to either:
a) been absolutley awful recently, whether it be in pro sports or college. And if you can find a high school bad enough in sports that they deserve to be on this list, well, we commend you, and we’d be more then happy to consider them.

b) be historically bad, whether it be an area that hasn’t won a championship in years (like 20) or if its a college, a school that hasn’t won a meaningful championship in only who knows when. (more…)

Since ESPN’s SportsCenter has been interviewing so many idiots from each city profiled, maybe they should interview Mike and Rose as well.

They had an interview with Tommy Lasorda for their profile of L.A.

Come on.

What’s Lasorda gonna say besides “***** ****** ******ity ******?”

I already interviewed McColgan for SportsCenter, so here’s the interview (the sports part, anyway):

MB: Big Boston sports fan, I presume?

MM: I have a lot of sympathy to um… How do I say this without sounding to pompous or too pumped up on the Boston Red Sox?

MB: Yeah, well, everyone already knows you’re a Boston sports fan, so you’re gonna be pompous and arrogant.
(more…)

SCOTT JACOBS

“I’m so cold. I think I see Blue. He looks glorious!”- Will Ferrell, Old School

Sports fans were seeing blue to this week as they actually had to leave their houses to find something to do outside. But worry no longer, the miserable half week that is the Midsummer Classic is over. Everything’s behind us. We survived it.

For your troubles here’s a stunning Marlins Mermaid to cheer you up!
Now let’s move forward amicably, removing ourselves from simulated conversations like these:

Wednesday

You: “Alright self, what the hell do we do now? What do we do now?
Wife: “We could see Meet Dave!”
You: “Seriously honey, I told you to get off the meds! You have a problem, and we all know the only prescription is more cowbells!
Wife: “What the f…”
You: “You know, the old SNL skit, where… eh, forget it. Let’s just move on.” (more…)

Okay, so yesterday was technically the worst day of the sports year, but today is a close second.

The day after the All Star game has been widely regarded as the worst day for sports viewing, because it is one of the few days of the year when not one of the four major sports is in action.

Adding to the misery of the Wednesday after the Mid Summer Classic, there is no NASCAR, no golf tourneys, no tennis matches and nary a soccer game or curling match to be found.

This year today is a close second because for some reason, the dolts in charge of the MLB schedule decided to put just four games on the slate, including such must-see matchups as Detroit v. Baltimore and (wait for it)…the Pirates at the Rockies. Yawn.

Sure we got the British Open starting today, but without Tiger and with the 5 hour time difference, who really cares about a major that’s pretentious enough to call itself “the Open Championship”?

All of this non-sports action adds up to one thing - movie night!

So in honor of the (2nd) worst sports viewing day of the year, I’m gonna recommend some recent selections from my Netflix account. Some of these films might be on pay-per-view, basic cable, or in your library. If so, cue em up. Unless you’re a huge Pirates fan.

(BTW, I’ve included a couple of sports flicks, just so Mitch doesn’t get too pissed at me for going off topic)
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SCOTT JACOBS

The Indians will not be in the World Series as I predicted at the start of the year… so who’s got the best shot?… O, cmon, did you really think I was going to answer that in the first line? No way Jose.

The White Sox are my darkhorse pick to win the American League

At the beginning of the year who would have thought the White Sox would be where they are? With two powers looming in the division- Cleveland and Detroit- Chicago seemed doomed to another disappointing year. But lo and behold the White Sox are not only winning, but they’re winning with a similar formula that broke an 87 year championship-less curse in 2005. Pitching. The White Sox are second in the AL in E.R.A, fourth in wins, and third in total runs allowed. The 2005 Sox were first in the AL in E.R.A, first in wins, and third in total runs allowed. The numbers are pretty close. And then there’s this: the Sox are 47-1 with a lead entering the ninth. Of course: Chicago’s ‘other’ team is not without flaws. Namely the fact that they are terrible coming from behind. The Sox are 0-35 trailing after eight. The power is there though: Chicago leads the AL in home runs and they’re looking at a probable five guys hitting twenty or more long balls. In other words: great E.R.A., leader in home runs, that sounds like a very scary proposition for another team if the Sox can get to October. (more…)

Moving past that, look at how it went into 15 innings and wore down pitchers on two days rest instead of ending in a tie. Not like anyone was watching the end, anyway. But, ESPN and the fans bitches at Bud Selig for ending the 2002 All-Star Game in a tie, so he had to institute home field advantage and make sure games don’t end in ties, anymore. Be careful what you wish for…

Warped Tour
As I’ve said in the past, I write as a music critic in my spare time, and the biggest event of my year is the Warped Tour, which comes to Cleveland tomorrow. They’ve got 100+ punk bands and it last from 11 to 9. I’ve got press passes, so I’m going to interview a few of them, including Mike McColgan of the Street Dogs, who has experience in two bands, one war (the Gulf War), and as a firefighter. Should be interesting.

A-Rod’s Nicknames
As well all know, thanks in part to Jose Canseco, A-Rod takes steroids. More than that, he is a complete and utter a$$hole hell bent on money, sex, and killing teammates he deems unworthy (i.e. the entire Yankees lineup).

He’s gotten a lot of nicknames in the past, and you tell me which ones are best:
A-Fraud
Hot-Rod
Gay-Rod
Pay-Rod
Stray-Rod (more…)

Infamous whistle blower and 1988 AL MVP Jose Canseco was knocked out Saturday night in a celebrity boxing match by former professional football player Vai Sikahema at Bennie Robbins Stadium in Atlantic City. (more…)

SCOTT JACOBS

Alright, before we kick this thing off, let’s play Who Am I. Here we go.

I lead the AL in home runs and play for the atrocious Cleveland Indians. Today on Around the Horn, my name was mispronounced. In 2002 I was part of the package the Indians received in exchange for Bartolo Colon.

My name is Grady Sizemore.

I have 23 home runs at the (so called) All Star Break. A shiny nickel to anyone who would recognize me in street clothes walking down the street. Nevermind Yankee Stadium.

State Farm is paying for the naming rights to the derby, so it’s only fitting that they have a commercial about it.

My take on what they should’ve done, instead of the lame Cubs commerical: (more…)

Alright ladies & gents, boys & girls, step right up and witness the greatest snow job on Earth: the 2008 State Farm Home Run Derby, presented by ESPN, Taco Bell, DisneyWorld, Dimension Films, Chirs Berman’s hair and Cialis.

I’m your host, Chris “backbackbackbackBoomerdon’tcallmeEthel” Berman, and I’m proud to present Major League Baseball’s most useless, archaic, contrived competition since the World Baseball Classic.

Tonight’s competitors will attempt to send their seasons, and possibly their careers, into a tailspin by swinging as hard as they can at approximately 126 meatballs thrown by assorted batting practice coaches, clubhouse attendants and washed up former pitchers.

The player who survives the most rounds and hits the most BP fastballs into the seats full of drunk spectators who have paid way too much money to witness such a nonsensical event will be crowned the winner of the 2008 Home Run Derby. They will receive a free car, days of unwarranted publicity, and a free coupon to their local chiropractor.

(pause for “ooohs and ahhhs”)
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