SCOTT JACOBS

“I’m so cold. I think I see Blue. He looks glorious!”- Will Ferrell, Old School

Sports fans were seeing blue to this week as they actually had to leave their houses to find something to do outside. But worry no longer, the miserable half week that is the Midsummer Classic is over. Everything’s behind us. We survived it.

For your troubles here’s a stunning Marlins Mermaid to cheer you up!
Now let’s move forward amicably, removing ourselves from simulated conversations like these:

Wednesday

You: “Alright self, what the hell do we do now? What do we do now?
Wife: “We could see Meet Dave!”
You: “Seriously honey, I told you to get off the meds! You have a problem, and we all know the only prescription is more cowbells!
Wife: “What the f…”
You: “You know, the old SNL skit, where… eh, forget it. Let’s just move on.”
Wife: “We could go to a WNBA game? It’s only an hour and a half away?”
You: “You know, I think that makes Meet Dave look like Remember the Titans.”
Wife: “So now you want to see it?”
You: “Ha! I’d rather practice my Stewie impressions.”

Thursday

You: “One more day, for love of…”
Friend: “What?”
You: “The Bucks just signed Lue.”
Friend: “Who?”
You: “Lue! Not Who. I think that makes them a title contender!”
Friend: “You’re uh, kidding right?”
You: “Yeah. But you should have seen the look on your face!”
Friend: “Don’t mess with me like that. Not cool man, not cool.”

Son: “Dad, dad Sportscenter’s on!”
You: “O my god, you can talk.”
Son: “What happened to you daddy? You used to be… o, what’s the word, fun.”
You: “Son, you’ll understand when you’re older. Dad’s a little depressed right now, so if I start saying things that don’t make sense, just understand how hard this week’s been on daddy.”
Son: “Dad, we won the lottery the other day. How could you possibly be depressed?”
You: “Yeah, I know, but thanks to rising gas prices it was only worth $2.54 after taxes.”
Son: “Huh?”
You: “I’m sorry, I meant $22.54.”
Son: “I still don’t get it dad, why are you so sad?”
You: “You see son, when mommies and daddies…”
Son: “?”
You: “Whoops, wrong speech.”
Son: “You’re impossible dad!”
You: “Here’s a Playboy Timmy. Have fun with that and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Friday

You: “So the Yankees signed Richie Sexson?”
Friend: “Yeah, they like old, out of their prime over-paid rejects.”
You: “That’s a little harsh.”
Friend: “I’m just so fed up with this Titletown USA thing. Sportscenter’s not even trying anymore.”
You: “Cheer up buddy, its almost over.”
Friend: “When is the damn baseball games going to be on, already? It’s six A.M. for Pete sake.
You: “Actually, Pete called in sick today, he had to watch reruns of the 2001 World Series on VHS to keep his sanity.”
Friend: “I was this close to watching golf man. Golf!”
You: “O my… No. Don’t do it. Not without Tiger. It’s Un-American!”
Friend: “It’s the only thing left to do.”
You: “O my gosh, we’ve lost him.”

But that’s water under the bridge now. Joe Blanton is a Phillie, Lue a Buck, and Brett Favre just threatened to play in the CFL. Too soon?

You can back to your daily lives now. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.

Okay, so yesterday was technically the worst day of the sports year, but today is a close second.

The day after the All Star game has been widely regarded as the worst day for sports viewing, because it is one of the few days of the year when not one of the four major sports is in action.

Adding to the misery of the Wednesday after the Mid Summer Classic, there is no NASCAR, no golf tourneys, no tennis matches and nary a soccer game or curling match to be found.

This year today is a close second because for some reason, the dolts in charge of the MLB schedule decided to put just four games on the slate, including such must-see matchups as Detroit v. Baltimore and (wait for it)…the Pirates at the Rockies. Yawn.

Sure we got the British Open starting today, but without Tiger and with the 5 hour time difference, who really cares about a major that’s pretentious enough to call itself “the Open Championship”?

All of this non-sports action adds up to one thing – movie night!

So in honor of the (2nd) worst sports viewing day of the year, I’m gonna recommend some recent selections from my Netflix account. Some of these films might be on pay-per-view, basic cable, or in your library. If so, cue em up. Unless you’re a huge Pirates fan.

(BTW, I’ve included a couple of sports flicks, just so Mitch doesn’t get too pissed at me for going off topic)

The Big Lebowski Comedy 1998 Rated: R
Of course I’ve seen this cult classic many times, but my wife hadn’t, so I rented it and watched it again. Her opinion: “it’s a dude movie”. Of course it’s a dude movie – it’s got the quintessential Dude of all time as the lead character! Jeff Bridges is at his best as the slacker/ bowler who unwittingly figures out how to solve a kidnapping, and John Goodman is side-splittingly hilarious as his trigger happy, foul mouthed friend, Walter. So many great lines means this one never gets old, because every time you watch it you laugh uncontrollably at something different than the time before.

Needless to say my wife was “out of her element” with this one, and divorce proceedings are in the works.

First Snow Thriller 2007 Rated: R
Moody, stylish potboiler about a cocksure salesman (the always awesome Guy Pierce) who has his fortune told by a roadside psychic, but refuses to believe the kooky predictions could be coming true. It’s a bit slow at times, but the director builds the suspense to a terrific climax, and the solid supporting cast (William Fichtner, Piper Perabo, and JK Simmons) make this intense, beautifully shot indie flick a first rate sleeper.

The Final Season Sports Drama 2007 Rated: PG
Sean Astin of LOTR fame plays a small town Iowa baseball coach who leads a powerhouse high scholl baseball team to one last state championship before the school is shuttered forever, thanks to budget concious local politicians. Based on a true story, this predictable sports saga won’t win any kind of cinematic awards, and it lacks enough on field action to qualify as a great sports flick, but if you have a little league aged son, as I do, it’s a realistic account of how kids can overcome tough situations through the power of perserverance. Plus it’s got Rachael Leigh Cook, so there’s that.

In Bruges Crime Thriller 2008 Rated: R
Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson play a couple of British hit men who are sent to Belgium by their boss (Ralph Fiennes) after a botched hit ends with a young boy being killed. Farrell is hilarious as the heartless half wit who can’t get over the kid’s death, and Gleeson shines as his caretaker buddy who is faced with a tough task, thanks to the ruthless boss, Harry. A violent, curse-filled, semi-comedy along the lines of Snatch or Lock, Stock…, this flick is jam packed with funny quotes, surreal sights and stunning cinematography, and it boasts a startling ending.

Into the Wild Adventure/Drama 2007 Rated: R
The true story of Christopher McCandless (Emile Hirsch), a brilliant college grad who decides to forgo the rat race and trek to Alaska to experience life in it’s purest form. The perfomance of Hirsch (Alpha Dog; Speed Racer) is Oscar-worthy, as we watch him go from healthy and happy to emaciated and near death in the span of two hours, and the people he meets and sights he sees en route to his ultimate ending are some of the most memorable I’ve seen on screen in a long time. Directed by Sean Penn and co-starring Oscar nominee Hal Holbrook, Vince Vaughn, Catherine Keener and William Hurt, the final scene of this emotional film is guaranteed to stick with you for a long, long time.

Okay, I’ve given you guys some guidance as to how to pass the time tonight. I will be viewing another contender for this list this evening, the Boston based thriller Gone Baby Gone, which will hopefully satisfy my Sox fix until they resume play Friday night.

Enjoy the evening, beacuse it’s back to neglecting the spouses tomorrow.

SCOTT JACOBS

The Indians will not be in the World Series as I predicted at the start of the year… so who’s got the best shot?… O, cmon, did you really think I was going to answer that in the first line? No way Jose.

The White Sox are my darkhorse pick to win the American League

At the beginning of the year who would have thought the White Sox would be where they are? With two powers looming in the division- Cleveland and Detroit- Chicago seemed doomed to another disappointing year. But lo and behold the White Sox are not only winning, but they’re winning with a similar formula that broke an 87 year championship-less curse in 2005. Pitching. The White Sox are second in the AL in E.R.A, fourth in wins, and third in total runs allowed. The 2005 Sox were first in the AL in E.R.A, first in wins, and third in total runs allowed. The numbers are pretty close. And then there’s this: the Sox are 47-1 with a lead entering the ninth. Of course: Chicago’s ‘other’ team is not without flaws. Namely the fact that they are terrible coming from behind. The Sox are 0-35 trailing after eight. The power is there though: Chicago leads the AL in home runs and they’re looking at a probable five guys hitting twenty or more long balls. In other words: great E.R.A., leader in home runs, that sounds like a very scary proposition for another team if the Sox can get to October.

The Marlins, yes the Florida Marlins, are my darkhorse to win the National League

That is of course if they can get to the playoffs. All they do when they get to October is win championships, and both of their title teams were huge surprises. Now, before you laugh at me, and throw rocks, consider that Florida has a lot of pieces that could potentially fall in place, giving them a shot to really shock people. That shaky rotation that has been brutal to watch at times this year, appears to finally be coming together. Ricky Nolasco (if he played for a big market team he would’ve been an All Star) has been dynamite lately and has emerged as the ace of the staff. Scott Olsen has a solid 3.7 E.R.A., but the wild cards for the team that has never won a division title is Josh Johnson and Chris Volstad. Both were great last week, as Johnson coming back from Tommy John surgery, and Volstad, making his first start in the bigs and throwing 8 2/3 of 1 run ball, showed great promise. The Marlins, coming off a 6-5 road trip will get their shot, as they have a lot of games left against the Mets, Phillies, Cardinals, and Cubs. If the home runs keep coming, and the pitching continues to improve, watch out for this homer happy bunch.

Other predictions

Matt Holiday isn’t going to the Mets…

Nor is he going to any other team for that matter. Long term, the Rockies may not want to pay him the huge contract he will soon command, but Colorado would want a haul for the NL runner up in MVP voting last year, and no one’s jumping at the bit just yet to trade a trifecta of blue chippers for the Rockies’ slugger.

The NL West is a two team race, and one of those teams will finish above .500

The best division last year will still remain the worst this year, however, no one is finishing with the worst division winning record ever. Not this year. The D’backs have too good of a one-two combo in Brandon Webb and Dan Haren to keep sliding, and the Dodgers don’t let anyone score runs. Of course, they also cant score runs themselves. Nevertheless, expect one of the two to correct things, and get on the right track. Arizona was just four games above .500 last All Star Break before they roared to the best record in the NL. No one’s predicting that this year, but the West will be won with a team saving face, and you can take to the bank.

The Angels will win 100 games

No one did it last year. In fact, since 2004, just one team has reached the century mark in the AL: the 2004 Yankees who won 101 games. The Angels were at 57 during the break. Why will the Los Angeles Anaheimers win 47 more games you ask? Because the Angels are a terrific road team. At 31-18, they are astonishingly, the only team in the AL to have a winning record away from home. And they’re also pretty darn good. That helps too.

The Yankees will not make the playoffs

This is more of a gut feeling then anything, but a small part of me, thinks the Twins just might be good enough to win the Wild Card. The bigger part of me just doesn’t trust New York’s pitching, and hey, all good things must come to an end eventually. Why not end this streak the same year Yankee Stadium ends its glorious run?

Dan Uggla will have a monster end of July

After a miserable All Star game which saw him commit an All Star game record three errors, and strikeout in critical situations, Florida’s second baseman will bounce back strong with a fantastic month. Uggla was shelved for more then a week and a half with an injury, and is still trying to get back into the swing of things, but once he gets his footing back, look out.

Ken Griffey Jr. will not be traded, but Greg Maddux might be moved

The Padres are going nowhere, and Maddux’s Hall of Fame career is winding down. It wouldn’t shock me if the pitiful Pads, dealt the ace to a contending team to give him one last shot to win another ring before Maddux hangs it up. He could help a contender, and his 3-8 record is more a result of a bad Pads team then a total decline in skills. His E.R.A. is under four, and given some run support, who knows if Maddux could be an impact player down the stretch.

Ben Sheets will be the most sought after free agent on the 2008 market

The guy has filthy stuff and the Brewers don’t appear able to afford him after this year; hence the Sabathia trade to win now. But someone is going to get themselves a top of the line pitcher this off-season, and when healthy, Sheets is as good as anyone in the game.

If I had to rank a team’s chances of getting to the World Series at this point…

AL
1. Angels- this team is loaded from top to bottom
2. Red Sox- how will Big Papi do after being sidelined for a while?
3. White Sox- their pitching shows flashes of the 2005 team that won it all
4. Rays- meaningful baseball in the second half for Tampa? That’s reason enough to give em a shot
5. Yankees- it’s been seven years since they won their last title. Make it eight after 08
6. Twins- scrappy small ball team is good enough to stick around and surprise some people

NL
1. Cubs- they’re loaded… with huge expectations for the second half
2. Brewers- the Brewers haven’t even made the playoffs since 1982. A dynamic duo just might deliver them a pennant
3. Phillies- absolutely loaded offensively, and Brad Lidge is having a super year. Now about a few of those starting pitchers…
4. Mets- was the nine game winning streak a sign or a tease?
5. Marlins- logic be damned, this team just might be a team of destiny
6. Cardinals- a team to keep an eye on the second half, though they seem due for a dropoff

Have at it… I just know you’re chomping at the bits!

SCOTT JACOBS

Alright, before we kick this thing off, let’s play Who Am I. Here we go.

I lead the AL in home runs and play for the atrocious Cleveland Indians. Today on Around the Horn, my name was mispronounced. In 2002 I was part of the package the Indians received in exchange for Bartolo Colon.

My name is Grady Sizemore.

I have 23 home runs at the (so called) All Star Break. A shiny nickel to anyone who would recognize me in street clothes walking down the street. Nevermind Yankee Stadium.

State Farm is paying for the naming rights to the derby, so it’s only fitting that they have a commercial about it.

My take on what they should’ve done, instead of the lame Cubs commerical:

“You know where who the heck are these guys meets what happened to the legends?”
“I am so there!”
“You know where 1923 meets 2008, and the end of an era?”
“I am there.”
“You know where ‘who’s that illegitimate kid on the field’ meets ‘certainly not mine?”
“I am beyond there.”
“You know where, maybe they should move the fences a couple hundred feet so these guys could actually hit an impressive looking home run meets lets get some roids just for this?”
“I am there.”
State Farm is proud to present the 2008 Home Run Derby, live from Yankee Stadium. Just in case we didn’t remind you 100,000 times this season, it’s the last year in the house that Ruth built and money tore down. (Cue the inspirational music and close ups of the grass).

8:04- Alright, Three Doors Down just finished up, and now the lamest Home Run Derby field man has ever seen, is ready to commence. I’m going to try to blog about it as long as I can.

8:05- I thought Karl Ravech was going to be the announcer for this. Nope, we get Chris ‘back,back, back’ Berman. (Joy).

8:07- 281 Home runs all time for Houston’s Lance Berkman. That leads the entire field. Talk about irony. One of baseball’s oldest stadiums is about to become rubbel, and the 8 guys participating in this aren’t even 30.

8:09- Rick Reiley is part of ESPN’s coverage? So that’s where the $3 million is going to!

8:11- Peter Gammons is picking Waldo. I mean Grady Sizemore to win this thing.

8:12- Someone explain to me why they need a ceremonial first pitch to start things off? Well, they don’t care about my opinion so Reggie Jackson, Mr. Home Run Derby (wink wink), will throw it out.

8:14- Only in sports can they take a Home Run Derby, and give it more pre-game coverage then the NBA Finals got on ABC! Whoever’s in charge of this debauchery, why?

8:20- Eight children are paired up with a slugger. Wait a minute, what happened to the… o yeah, Century 21 no longer has any affiliation with the Derby. No random fat people getting houses this year!

8:21- It’s over. Dan Uggla, two home runs in his first two hacks. Everybody, you can go home now, and remember, drive home safely.

8:22- To think, Dan Uggla was a rule five draft pick. The Marlins got him for $50,000.

8:24- How do the Marlins lead the Majors in home runs? They have the lowest payroll in baseball.

8:25- Who’s in charge of the TV camera? A monkey?

8:26- What is this the three point shoot-out? The home run derby uses gold balls now? It’s nice to see it go to charity, but c’mon. Cheesy much?

8:27- Uggla finishes with six.

8:28- Damn you Century 21. They could have had the commercial: Uggla buys ugly houses. O, wait, that wasn’t Century 21 who did those. Eh, whatever.

8:30- Sizemore is two for two including an upper decker. “Mickey Mantle territory,” says my dad.

8:31- “Could you imagine Sammy Sosa,” asks my dad. How about McGwire?

8:32- Big Papi gets randomly interviewed by Erin Andrews. Just admit it ESPN: You have a man crush on the guy.

8:33- “They’re making a mockery of this,” says my dad. ESPN has the attention span of a wild rabbit.

8:38- In 2005, Bobby Abreu hit 24 home runs in the first round. I want to believe that one of these guys will total that the entire night. And yet, two guys in, I’m not sure if I can.

8:40- Want a good laugh: In 2006 Andrew Jones was in the Home Run Derby.

8:41- See I told you, you’d laugh.

8:42- Look, Evan Longoria is going to be a good player, already is a fantastic talent, but a home run derby contestant? Just not buying it.

8:43- Just like Rick Reilly shouldn’t be on TV. Just for Men anybody?

8:43- Longoria is tanking just like the Rays did this week. Two home runs with three outs left.

8:44- Babe Ruth was number three. So is Longoria. When it comes to home runs, that’s the only thing the two will EVER have in common. Longoria finishes with three.

8:45- Stick around for the exciting 2008 Taco Bell All-Star Legends and Celebrities Softball game. Or… you can get a life ESPN and cancel the event that is arguably the worst All Star game event in any sport anywhere in the world.

8:46- Chase Utley is taking a lot of pitches. In other news, this derby has about as much excitement as watching the Washington Nationals take batting practice. Uncalled for? Sorry Nats.

8:48- ESPN’S coverage of this has really become deplorable. But what a catch by that little kid in the outfield.

8:50- Still have Utley as the favorite ESPN? He has three home runs with two outs left.

8:51- “I think they have the wrong number” my dad says, in response to Utley ‘dialing’ in.

8:52- Don’t move a muscle sports fans. Through four batters we have a total of 20 home runs. Did I mention Abreu had 24 in one ROUND!

8:56- Alright, we’re back. Don’t show too much excitement, you may hurt yourself.

8:57- Here’s Berkman. In unrelated news, it’s 8:57 AM in Beijing.

8:58- Over under on how many guys get to 10. “I’ll go out on a limb and say maybe one,” says my dad.

8:59- Wow, what a risk taker.

9:01- There are 17,000 State Farms in America and Canada. Coooooooooooooooooool!

9:02- O dear, Berkman has SEVEN. The guy’s a machine.

9:03- Berkman finishes with EIGHT. Cue up the lets sound ‘desperately excited’ sound cue.

9:04- Abreu hit 11 home runs in the FINALS in 2005. The Finals!

9:05- I love sports, but let’s not kid ourselves, the ESPY’s are lame.

9:07- Three guys left. For love of my sanity, would someone ‘clock’ ten.

9:08- When I think of the most feared power hitters I immediately think of Justin Morneau. (That was me being sarcastic).

9:09- Rick Reilly wants a former winners category. Yeah, everyone wants to see Luis Gonzalez.

9:11- Don’t take this personally Sox fans, but a frozen Ted Williams would probably win this thing the way these guys are hitting tonight.

9:12- Side note: how do you not put pinstripes on the All Star game batting practice jerseys? At least get something right MLB.

9:13- “They shouldn’t even have a home run derby if all they can hit is eight,” says my dad. I don’t disagree.

9:14- In 2004 no one got 10 in the first round. Miguel Tejada had 15 in the second round though. Maybe there’s hope?

9:15- Mock news story: “AP- The Home Run Derby garnered such bad ratings in 2008 that drastic changes have been made for 2009.” Replacing State Farm as the sponsor is HGH. It has a nice ring. The 2009 Home Run derby brought to you in HD by HGH. Cut, sell, print.

9:17- Ryan Braun’s agent is throwing to him. Next year, I vouch for Scott Boras. Yay.

9:18- The public is not that educated Peter Gammons. They just have no life, and vote in ludicrous numbers.

9:19- I know how to save the Home Run Derby: Gus Johnson. Don’t thank me, just pay it forward.

9:26- Josh Hamilton overcame drugs and alcohol. Can he overcome a 71 year old pitcher?

9:27- Go Josh! (No, I’m not biased at all)

9:28- Hamilton just mutilated that ball. Wow!

9:30- Hamilton just hit a ball 504 feet! This guy is rolling.

9:31- Clay Claybon, the 71 year old guy, can pitch.

9:32- Edison Volquez for Josh Hamilton just may be the most even trade in MLB history.

9:33- Hamilton is on fireeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. What a great story folks.

9:34- Hamilton takes a drink of Gatorade in between at-bats, and the crowd is loving it. This guy can do no wrong. Not tonight at least.

9:35- Hamilton is autographing balls in between hacks. This is the Josh Hamilton Derby. Forget the rest.

9:36- (Gushing). Somewhere in Hollywood, Josh Hamilton, is getting written. He’s got 14 with just 7 outs!

9:38- No one’s having as much fun as Josh. Which is why ESPN is going away from announcing it.

9:39- SEVENTEEN! Josh Hamilton hysteria , as a fan gets tackled by the police?… Anyhow, Josh is bringing the House down!

9:40- EIGHTEEN!!!!!!!!

9:41- TWENTY!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:42- He’s five away from re-writing the record books

9:42- OOOOOOoooooooooo my God!

9:43- Yesssssssssssss! TWENTY TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Two to go to tie Bobby Abreu!

TWENTY THREEEEEEEEE!

9:44- I have goose bumps right now. No joke. His twenty third was 429.

9:45- HOLY S***! 24! He just tied Bobby! 467 feet! Who cares if he has nothing left in the second round.

THE RECORD! TWENTY FIVE FOR JOSHUA HAMILTON. UN-FREAKING BELIEVABLE. You deserve this Josh.

TWENTY SIX! I’ve run out of adjectives. Can he get 30????

9:45- He’s seen over 40 pitches, and has hit 26 out!

9:46- The batting practice pitcher is taking a breather. This is epic! “Hamilton, Hamilton” chants the crowd.

HAMILTON IS STILL BATTING. THREE AWAY FROM THIRTYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

9:47- TWENTY EIGHT FOR JOSH HAMILTON. He still has EIGHT outs! The crowd is losing their voice from cheering so much.

9:48- Hamilton has to be getting tired. Two away from THIRTY!

It’s over! Josh finishes with 28, smashing Abreu’s record. “That took a very boring evening and just made it very interesting,” says my dad. Erin Andrews looks awed. “You can’t hit that many home runs and walk away,” she says.

9:49- I am humbled. “I got chills,” said Hamilton. No Josh, we just got chills.

9:50- Claybon Council threw 51 pitches in that round. “We got to go again?” he asks. Hillarious.

12, 458 feet. The total of his 28 home runs.

9:52- The first seven guys hit 43 home runs COMBINED. Hamilton came 15 short of that by himself.

9:53- I need a minute to take in what I just saw.

10:00- Everyone else is irrelevant at this point. We’ll resume once Hamilton gets his second crack at things. While we’re at it: Abreu finished with 41 home runs over three rounds in 05. Hamilton needs just 14 to break that record. Stick around.

10:10- In the first two rounds, Berkman and Morneau combined to hit 31, three more then Hamilton hit in the first round.

10:11- Two questions left to ask before the Finals: Will Hamilton even need to hit in the second round, considering the next highest guy is 17, and does his 71 year old stud of a pitcher have anything left?

10:15- Who’s going to face off against Hamilton in the Finals? Meh, does it really matter?

10:20- Morneau and Hamilton in the Finals. Should be fun.

10:22- Hamilton is up again, he’s up to 30 in two rounds. Make it thirty one.

10:23- O by the way, he’s got 4 dingers with one out. He’s just having fun now, and 9 within Abreu’s mark.

10:24- My bad says Hamilton as he nearly kills a camera man.

10:25- Wow, those camera guys are really close to the field. No regard for their safety.

10:26- Onto the Finals. Everybody still here? Good. I’m curious too how much I have left in the tank.

10:30- If Hamilton hits a home run to left he wins some lucky guy a hybrid and a MLB ticket package. Who’s going to doubt him at this point.

10:32- No can do. Now it’s Morneau’s turn. And then the Finals. Will this hopeful guy win that hybrid? It saves gas you know!

10:34- Poor guy. He leaves with a smile and nothing more. But how many average joes can say they got to stand on the field at Yankee Stadium during the All Star festivities.

10:35- Morneau off to a slow start, but he nails one into the upper deck, giving him one with three outs.

10:37- Morneau looks tired. He has three with seven outs.

10:38- The Twins slugger is running out of gas as we inch closer to Josh Hamilton’s inevitable crowning moment.

10:39- Will five be enough? Because that’s what Justin finished with. “I don’t think he got enough,” says Joe Morgan.

10:41- Morneau finishes with a grand total of 22 over three rounds. Six shy of Hamilton’s first round of fireworks.

10:42- How many outs will it take Hamilton to bash his way to this crown? “Six,” says my dad. I’ll go with seven.

10:44- Here we go…

10:46- One down, five to go.

10:47- Hamilton looks emotionally spent right now.

10:48- Can Justin Morneau actually win this thing? Hamilton just destroyed number three. Three left.

10:49- This is getting dicey. Four outs left, he needs to hit two.

Milton Bradley comes out and massages Hamilton, who still looks calm and cool as could be.

10:50- Uh o. Two outs left, two to tie Morneau. Wow.

One out left. C’mon Hamilton you can do this.

10:51- Wow. Hamilton just lost. He hits three in the final round as Justin Morneau steals the title. But no one will remember Morneau when people look back on this. This night was all about Hamilton.

10:52- What a great night. Jesus did you hear that? Josh just thanked you. That’s high praise Mr. Christ.

10:53- “Thank god for that one round,” says my dad. “Otherwise this would have been the biggest bust ever.”

Well that wraps up our coverage from my couch and out-dated 50 inch TV. Hope you enjoyed our running diary of the 2008 Home Run Derby.

Goodnight everybody. Anyone who’s able to watch the Celebrity Softball game deserves a medal. Or a trip to the mental hospital.

Your choice.

SCOTT JACOBS

There is one week left in the first half of the season in MLB, although, who are we kidding, they passed the 81 game mark about a week ago. Nevertheless, because JSB is so daring, we’re unveiling our second half picks before everyone else. Because, well, we have no shame.

And hey, if our World Series pick turns out as bad as this, well then maybe we’ll hangup our prediction cleats and turn them in for a brand new pair. But that’s neither here nor there, so here it comes, are you ready?… our wild, delusional second half picks.

Go!

AL East

Mitch: Rays
Scott: Red Sox
JRose: Red Sox

AL Central

Mitch: White Sox
Scott: White Sox
JRose: Tigers

AL West

Mitch: Angels
Scott: Angels
JRose: Angels

AL Wildcard

Mitch: Red Sox
Scott: Rays (Darkhorse: Twins)
JRose: Rays

Awards

AL MVP

Mitch: Josh Hamilton
Scott: Josh Hamilton
JRose: Manny Ramirez

AL CY Young

Mitch: Cliff Lee
Scott: Joe Saunders
JRose: Francisco Rodriguez

AL ROY

Mitch: Clay Buchholz
Scott: Evan Longoria
JRose: Evan Longoria

———————–

NL East

Mitch: Phillies
Scott: Phillies
JRose: Mets

NL Central

Mitch: Brewers
Scott: Cubs
JRose: Cubs

NL West

Mitch: Dodgers
Scott: Diamondbacks
JRose: Dodgers

NL Wildcard

Mitch: Cardinals
Scott: Brewers (If they get C.C)
JRose: Brewers

Awards

NL MVP

Mitch: Ryan Howard
Scott: Chipper Jones
JRose: Chase Utley

NL CY Young

Mitch: Tim Lincecum
Scott: Ben Sheets
JRose: Edison Volquez

NL ROY

Mitch: Joey Votto
Scott: Kosuke Fukudome
JRose: Kosuke Fukudome

Bold Prediction

Mitch: C.C. Sabathia will get traded
Scott: The NL West winner will finish 10 games or better above .500
JRose: The Yankees will fail to make the playoffs

The Playoffs

ALDS

Mitch: Red Sox OVER Angels in four, White Sox OVER Rays in five
Scott: Angels OVER Red Sox in four, Rays OVER White Sox in four
JRose: Red Sox OVER Tigers in four, Rays OVER Angels in five

ALCS

Mitch: White Sox OVER Red Sox in seven
Scott: Angels OVER Rays in five
JRose: Red Sox OVER Rays in four

NLDS

Mitch: Cardinals OVER Dodgers in four, Brewers OVER Phillies in five
Scott: Phillies OVER Brewers in five, Cubs OVER Diamondbacks in four
JRose: Cubs OVER Dodgers in four, Mets OVER Brewers in three

NLCS

Mitch: Cardinals OVER Brewers in six
Scott: Phillies OVER Cubs in seven
JRose: Cubs OVER Mets in six

WORLD SERIES

Mitch: Cardinals OVER White Sox in five games, MVP: Ryan Howard
Scott: Angels OVER Phillies in six, MVP: Francisco Rodriguez
JRose: Red Sox OVER Cubs in seven, MVP: Josh Beckett

Your thoughts?

SCOTT JACOBS
Second in a week long series as we approach All Star weekend at Yankee Stadium
Yesterday: The best stories from the first half

5. The pathetic NL West
Baseball’s best and most exciting division in 2007, the NL West is once again back to the NL’s worst. After fielding three teams with 88 wins or more last year, including NL best Arizona and Wild Card winner Colorado, the division was being heralded as finally back, after a few miserable years earlier in the decade. But with huge expectations, comes a lot of room for disappointment, and the West has been miserable this year.

The Diamondbacks started out red hot and appeared to have the division and the league on a string, but have since free-fallen, plummeting from a league best 12 games above .500 all the way to .500. Luckily for Arizona, the disappearance of their bats, and their bullpen at times, has yet to cost them their perch at the top of this pile of crap.

Why? Because the Dodgers are still under .500 and they’re second in the division. The Giants are third, 10 games under .500, and only five out. The Rockies, who stunned Trevor Hoffman and the Pads in the Wild Card play in game last year, are once again just slightly better then San Diego this year. Unfortunately for them, that doesn’t say a whole heck of a lot. The Rockies are 33-51, not even a year removed from their first World Series appearance. The Padres meanwhile have plummeted to a 33-52 mark, and injuries have decimated their chances. But it’s more then just records. The numbers are atrocious too.

Arizona went 11-17 in June, yet they still lead by 2.5 games. The Dodgers are 14th in runs in the NL, 11th in On Base Percentage, and 15th in slugging. Thankfully for them, their team ERA is a terrific 3.76. The Giants are 10 games below .500 at home, and they’ve been outscored by 43 runs. And about that Barry Zito guy…. uh, let’s not. Colorado’s pitching has been atrocious, and that might be nice. In the six major pitching categories the Rockies rank no better then 10th in the NL, including 15th in ERA and opponent’s batting average. Finally there’s San Diego, and we don’t even need to give their stats. Just know this: when Heath Bell, leads your team with wins, and he only has six, you’re in trouble.

Will the winner of the NL West finish below .500? I wouldn’t count on it. But there could be a silver lining to all of this. Maybe. The last time a really mediocre team won their division (St. Louis, 2006, with an 83-78 record) they also went on to win the World Series. Just throwing it out there.

4. Randy Johnson refusing to retire in a painful effort to get to 300 wins
This one is self explanatory. Sometimes guys just don’t know when to quit. And it is getting really difficult watching these all time greats finish their glorious careers toiling in mediocrity. The Big Unit has been reduced to a Big Joke, losing eight straight starts, right on que with his free falling team. And he’s not exactly coming at a hometown discount. Johnson is getting paid $15 million this season.

What’s the money buying? How about a 4-7 record, with an ERA over 5! Not exactly the stuff of legends. So let’s see. In two years since returning to the desert, Johnson has eight wins total, and has failed to even pitch 150 innings. All the while getting no closer to that magical, and shrinking 300 win club. Johnson is still 12 wins short, and at this rate the 44 year old looks like he will never get it. After 20 years, you’d have to be in denial not to believe that Johnson should be hanging up his spikes.

3. Barry Bonds’ desperate attempt to play for anybody
I guess it depends how one looks at this story. Some find it comical given Bonds’ incredible fall from grace. But me? Well, I just find it really pathetic. In case you haven’t heard, Bonds has basically offered his services to anybody that wants him. No word yet if the Toledo Mud Hens are interested. But seriously, not only is Bonds willing to play for anyone who wants him, he’s willing to play for the minimum. Look, I applaud guys who still want to play and still have something to give. usually we call those team players. But don’t think for a second Bonds is anything close to that. He’s the anti-teammate. Just look at the Giants, who may not be good, but at least they don’t dread every road trip they make anymore.

Still though, analysts have suggested that the Rays or maybe even the Red Sox take a stab at Bonds, and bring him on board for the stretch run.

I have a response for them: they’re crazy. The Rays have great team chemistry and a very good mix of young players and vets. They enjoy playing with each other and they are rolling right now. Why would you bring in someone like Bonds, who would completely destroy the focus that the TEAM is getting right now. And who needs that kind of media scrutiny around them every day? For that matter, who would want that?

As for the Red Sox: well they’d be insane, I repeat, insane to sign Bonds to their team.

And when the Hall of Fame doesn’t even want your historic, record breaking home run, well neither should any MLB team.

2. The Mets firing Willie Randolph
The Mets needed a change, no one denied that. But was the change needed at 3 am? Willie Randolph wasn’t getting the job done, and few were shocked by his firing. But everyone was caught off by New York’s timing. Even in the city that never sleeps, most people snoozed through Randolph’s firing, and woke up the next morning to find out that the Mets’ leader was now without a job. The timing was ironic in every sense of the word. Just a year earlier (exactly) the Mets had six players and GM Omar Minaya featured on th cover of Sports Illustrated. The story praised the job Minaya had done in assembling a talented and young team, that was on the cusp of something big. O the irony! Well, $138 million don’t buy what it used to, and the Mets mediocrity, in addition to their epic 2007 late season collapse cost a good guy his job in embarrassing fashion.

Since then, the Mets have turned it around, winning 97 games, en route to another NL East crown. O wait a minute, that was 2006. 14 games later the move has made absolutely no difference. New York is 7-7 in the 14 games since Jerry Manuel took over the reigns. More amazing, is that the unamazings have scored less runs then their opposition. With that stacked lineup that is simply inexcusable.

Misery loves company though, so at least Randolph hasn’t been the only one canned. Actually in that week, three teams, including the miserable Mariners canned their head man. And none have made strides since.

1. Shawn Chacon’s total loss of self control
The 30 year old right hander from Anchorage, Alaska had always been a serviceable pitcher. He wasn’t great, wasn’t terrible. But for the most part, Chacon has been a relative unknown to the casual fan. Well, that sure changed this season. And for all the wrong reasons. Chacon assaulted Astros GM Ed Wade during a dispute and was placed on waivers the next day. Shockingly, no one claimed him.

Chacon isn’t even good enough to be one of the guys who’s a nut case, but worth the risk. His 45-61 lifetime record in the bigs isn’t worth the baggage he would bring to any team. In 2005, Chacon went 7-3 with a 2.85 ERA helping the Yankees get into the playoffs. In 2003 Chacon won 11 games for Colorado, no small feat given their historic pitching woes. But in 2008, what will likely, if not undoubtedly be his final stint in the majors, Chacon imploded. And the player who never would’ve had a legacy if he just did his thing and had an okay career, now is a household name for being a jerk. And he should be in prison for his actions. Great role model. Glad to see him gone.

SCOTT JACOBS
First in a week long series as we approach All Star weekend at Yankee Stadium

5. Josh Hamilton
The best comeback story of the year. Hamilton has had a whirlwind career, starting as a super prospect drafted number one by Tampa Bay in 1999, all the way to never getting to the bigs, and watching drug addiction nearly ruin his life. But the powerful outfielder put his life back together, and got back on track. And now, after a brief stint with the Reds in which he got to the majors, proved his worth, and then was dealt to Texas, Hamilton has become one of the best hitters in the game. At least for this season. Chicago’s rule 5 pickup (yes, you heard that right: the Cubs picked him and then dealt him to the Reds for cash) has resurrected himself into a triple crown contender, torturing opposing pitchers to the tune of .312 with 19 home runs and 80 RBI’s. Hamilton is living proof that some people do indeed take advantage of second chances.

4. Sunshine State Surprises
The Rays and Marlins have the two lowest payrolls in baseball respectively, so not only is it stunning to see them have winning records, it’s shocking to see them in contention. Tampa’s fans are starting to notice, as they packed the house that Tropicana sponsors last night in a thriller against the second place Red Sox. That’s right: not only is Tampa winning, they’re 18 games above .500, and own the best record in the Bigs. This from a team that has no winning seasons in franchise history to their name. In fact, Tampa Bay is so serious about their new found success and image, that anyone who calls them (Devil) Rays from 2008 into the future will be fined a dollar.

And then there’s the Marlins. With zero expectations thrust upon them, an incredibly inconsistent bullpen, mediocre starting pitching, and a defense that leads the bigs in errors, how in the world can the penny pinching fish be in the race? The long ball, and lots of it. Florida leads the league in dingers with a potent lineup of wild swingers. They even locked up Hanley Ramirez to an extension earlier in the year, giving hope to Marlin fans that the best may be yet to come. The Marlins aren’t winning conventionally, and everyone is waiting for them to fail, but until they do, the ratings nightmare (that would probably end the world as we know it) known as a Marlins-Rays Fall Classic remains a slim, albeit potential World Series match up.

3. The steroids issue is no longer a distraction
Barry Bonds is willing to play for the minimum, for any team, yet no one wants him. It’s a refreshing reboot that baseball has taken on this year, along with a tougher drug policy, that is clearing up doubts, and bringing in fans. Home runs may be down, but attendance is way up, and new exciting up and comers, like Florida’s Ramirez, Tampa’s BJ Upton, and Chicago’s Carlos Quentin are reinvigorating the old game with youthful exuberance.

2. Big spending doesn’t buy what it used to
The early 2000’s threatened to send baseball spiraling out of control, with ludicrous spending sprees, and threats of taking baseball out of the Twin cities. The same teams were winning every year, and baseball fans in smaller markets began to feel doom and gloom for their team’s chances. But now? Well, having a small payroll is the hip thing to do. The Rays (2nd lowest opening day) have the best record in baseball. The Marlins (lowest payroll) have a winning record, Oakland (third lowest) is surprising everybody. Minnesota’s playing great ball without Johan Santana (You do mess with the Johan, says Minnesota’s success!) and Arizona’s 8th lowest payroll has them atop the atrocious NL West.

Division leaders as of the start of July with Opening Day payrolls:

AL East: Rays (29th)
AL Central: White Sox (5th)
AL West: Angels (6th)
NL East: Phillies (13th)
NL Central: Cubs (7th)
NL West: Diamondbacks (23rd)

Notice something? Teams with the three highest payrolls, both New York teams and Detroit, aren’t able to buy what they once could. But still, it would be foolish to say baseball is cleansed of its issues. The fact that the Marlins are able to field a payroll which is twice as low as Tampa’s is a joke, and needs to be looked at in the off season.

And number one…

1. Hope springs eternal (in most places that is)
Fifteen teams are either leading their division or within 5 games of the leader. And let’s be real: during the course of a grueling Major League season five games can be erased in a couple weeks span. And as of the end of June, more teams took winning records into July then losing ones. That my friends is a win-win situation for everyone… unless you’re the Nationals, or Pirates, or Mariners…

SCOTT JACOBS

When you look at the standings right now they seemingly read backwards.

They don’t look right. They look extreme… ly odd? There’s no rhyme of reason to make sense of what has happened early on as we steamroll confusingly closer to Yankee Stadium, home of the All Star break.

Originally Yankee Stadium was the House that Ruth built and money tore down. Now it’s looking like the Stadium that the Yankees laid to rest by fading into further mediocrity.

The Yanks who, as we all know by now, but I’ll say it again just for sheer entertainment, have by far and away the highest payroll in baseball. Apparently though, 200 million dollars can’t even buy you a winning record. Adding injury to their insult are the shockingly good Tampa Bay Rays. They’re 12 games above .500 and a little blip in the Sun Sentinel joked that a Tampa Bay-Florida series would probably not garner the best of uh, ratings. But that matchup, as crazy as it sounds, is a hell of a lot more likely then say, a Detoit-Mets Fall Classic.

And that my friends and fellow world earthlings is nothing short of amazing.

Tampa Bay (35) and Florida (32) had a combined 67 wins going into tonight’s play. The Mets (29) and Detroit (24) came in at a rather baffling 53. Do the math and the Sunshine State is swinging a hot baseball stick.

But that’s not all. The Tigers, pre-season favorites by many to win the American League, have the same number of wins as the lowly Washington Nationals

The Oakland A’s, who dealt Dan Haren to Arizona and some other players as well, were supposed to be cellar dwellars in 2008. They’re five games above .500! The Mariners who bolstered their pitching staff, or so it seemed, with the acquisition of Erik Bedard after a strong and surprising 07 campaign are the only team in the resurgent AL West without at least a .500 record.

In fact, the only fight the stunningly pathetic M’s are putting up, is the one with Colorado, the reigning NL champs, who are already 16 games below .500. Those two teams currently stand 1-2 not in this week’s ESPN power rankings, but in this years’ loss column.

I really thought the Rocks were for real, and last year was no fluke. But they’re not doing much at all this year to back up my once confident case that they were not a one and done team. Not only is last year looking more like a “caught lightning in a bottle and ran all the way to the World Series” type of deal, but this year is absolutley destroying the hopes of a reinvigorated fan base who must feel like last October was 20 years ago.

Of course, misery loves company, and the Rockies picked the right division to be really pitiful. The NL West, by far and away baseball’s best overall division last year, boasting three teams with 0ver 88 wins, couldn’t have flipped more this season if they tried. We expected the Giants to be bad, and boring without Barry and they are. But 9 games below .500, as San Fran sits now, is good enough for third. The Padres, who lost to the Rocks in heartbreaking fashion in the play in playoff game last year, are even worse at 14 games below .500. The Dodgers are in second with a losing record, and having lost 8 of 10. But wait, there’s more. The division leading D’backs, who looked like baseball’s best team earlier in the year are freefalling dropping 8 of their last 10 as well. Add it up, and in the last 10 games, Arizona still has the same 3.5 game lead over LA as they did 10 games ago, when their fall from grace began.

The Cubs made the playoffs last year, and came into this year facing the prospect of 100 years without a title. They have the best record in the bigs at 38-21 and a nine game winning streak to boot. The Cardinals are the biggest surprise, sitting comfortably in second, with a record that would have them leading or tied for the division lead in the AL Central, NL East, and NL West. The Reds, this off-season’s chic pick to actually do good, are 28-31, the same mark as LA. They’re in fifth place. The commerical says it Pays to Discover. I say, it pays to be in the NL West or AL Central.

The AL Central has to be the biggest shock by far. Not only are the Tigers and Indians both under .500, but the division leading White Sox (it’s 2005 all over again!) just got threatened by their manager to get more offensive help or ELSE! Of course, no AL Central report would be complete without the Twins, who dealt Johan Santana, had no expectations whatsoever to be a factor this year, and are two games above .500.

So here’s the recap:

Division leaders:
AL: Rays, White Sox, Angels
NL: Phillies, Cubs, Diamondbacks

Division doormats:
AL: Yankees, Royals, Mariners
NL: Nationals, Pirates, Rockies

More crazy story lines:
The Marlins led the NL East almost the entire month of May until the Phillies took 2 of 3 in a series between the two and haven’t looked back yet.

The Rays are setting franchise marks almost every time they step on the field. And Baseball Prospectus saw it coming. Before the season there was an article on SI.com with statistics suggesting the Rays would be this year’s surprise team, winning, if I recall correctly 85 games. At the rate the Rays are going, 88 would almost be a disappointment now!

The Chicago Cubs entered June with baseball’s best record for the first time in uh, only a century. They swept a seven game home-stand for the first time since 1970. Maybe it’s time to start taking the old montage, “This is our year,” seriously. At least for now that is.

The Tigers, who some thought might score over 1000 runs this year have a ways to go. In fact, before they focus on an absolutely unreachable plateau, they may want to score more runs then their opposition. 26 runs in the red are the baby cats, who have been baseball’s saddest excuse for a title contender amongst the big money teams so far.

Stay tuned. With the Cup going to Detroit, and the NBA Finals over in no longer then two weeks, we’ve got baseball, baseball, baseball for a few months, and nothing else. So let parity reign, for sanity’s sake!