Pierce, KG, Allen power the home team, game two is Sunday

SCOTT JACOBS

Paul Pierce had waited 10 years for his shot to play in the Finals.

So when he went down midway through the third with what appeared to be a gruesome knee injury, it was hard not to think the worst. The Celtics simply cannot keep up with the Lakers if Pierce is out of this game.

When Pierce’s fellow teammates helped carry him off the court, and he was put in a wheelchair, it had the appearance of a devastating blow that Boston was not going to recover from. But just about 3 minutes later, Pierce gently walked through the tunnel in the middle of the game to a standing ovation that sent the Celtic fans into oblivion.

And just a minute later he was back. In the game!

Pierce scored 15 huge third quarter points, Ray Allen and KG had very good games, and the Boston Celtics just overpowered the Lakers (46-33 rebounding disparity) to win a hotly contested game one, inside the gawwwwwwwden.

The Lakers played sloppy in the second half, failed to find a rhythm, and had a lackadaisical look where they looked a little lost late in the game. Trailing by eight late in the game and forced to foul to keep their fading hopes alive, they instead let the Celts eat up the 24 second clock, and by then time had just about run out on LA’s nearly 1 1/2 month of not trailing in a post-season series.

“I thought that was it,” said Pierce. “I couldn’t move it at first.”

Celtic fans probably thought that was it too for a dream season that looked like a nightmarish finish.

But Pierce came back, the Celtics confidence never seemed to waver, and the leprechauns were able to hold Kobe and the Lakers outside the paint.

“We’ll see,” said Pierce, when asked whether he was going to play in game two.

At least for Boston’s sake they have that cushion. Well sort of. With the 2-3-3 format, games 3-5 shift to LA after game 2 on Sunday, and the Celts can’t be too comfortable that getting one at home is enough. They need two, to put the young and energetic Lakers in a must win position for game three.

But we’ll touch on that after game 2.

As for game one, how about P.J. Brown? Did you see him dive to the ground to grab a loose ball, and find the open man. And there was KG somehow avoiding midcourt and a over and back violation, as Sam Cassel calmy knocked down a big jump shot. Garnett had a pretty sweet slammer jammer to seal the deal as he rose above Pau Gasol.

And that was it.

Kobe’s numbers look pretty good from a distance, but he looked frustrated all game. Unable to really penetrate Boston’s renowned team defense, number 24 struggled to consistently get off quality shots. Gasol was okay. No one on LA really played a great game, and that’s encouraging for game two.

After a relatively eh game one, LA still had a late chance to steal game one.

They didn’t, but they also didn’t have their A game either. Barely a B- if you ask me.

Tonight the Celts were the better team. Their big three all had 20 plus. They had a rhythm going all night.

Will they have that on Sunday? Good question.

“We got a little stagnant. But we played well enough to almost steal a game,” said Bryant.

Almost won’t win a championship.

Perfect will. That was Pierce in the second half. He didn’t miss a shot.

The Celtics didn’t miss a beat.

They lead this series one to none.

SCOTT JACOBS

There are two days until the Celts and Lakers tip off from the TD BankNorth Garden to commence the 2008 NBA Finals.

With the dead time in between I figured I’d get something off my chest that has been bothering me for some time.

This match up.  This dream flash back to the past, glory days of the league matchup, that TV analysts and writers have been pulling for is not what everyone wanted.

I know I didn’t.

I hate the Lakers.

I’m a Suns fan.  Hearing analysts and sports fans exclaim that the Lakers now have the best and most dynamic offense in the league kills a small piece of me inside everytime I hear it.  The Suns may not have won a title, but over their exciting four year run, no one ever questioned the potency of their offense.

The Lakers have the best offense? I’m not really disagreeing at this point.  Right now they seemingly do.  But for people to tell me which team I want to see, I think is brutally ridiculous. Suns fans hate the Lakers.  Beating them down in the first round two years in a row was an enjoyable ride.  The Suns never even made the Finals those years. The Lakers hit the jackpot with a still hard to believe trade that went through for Gasol, and Bam!, they’re in the Finals, not to mention the favorites even though they’re starting out on the road!

And I think this season has taught us a lesson that never fails to repeat itself and shows the fickle notion of most sports writers and analysts: winning changes everything.  Kobe is still the same guy, only now he has an MVP, passes the ball a little, and the assumption is that everyone now loves the guy.

If everyone loves him, why haven’t you seen him reappear on TV commercials.  And no that 50 million pounds challenge commercial doesn’t count.

Here’s another thing that may get people riled up, but I’m okay with that.  Derek Fisher’s return to the Lakers has been huge.  But his addition was a total blow to the Utah Jazz, who kindly allowed him to find a team closer to his family in the offseason.  I know, I know about Fisher’s family.  But nine teams out of ten don’t get that crazy type of break.  Everyone and their mother knows that the Jazz would never have let the vet go unless a health issue created a conflict.

And I’m not attacking him or his family.  Merely the fact that the Lakers have gotten some very fortunate things to fall their way.  Gason, Fisher, just to name a few.

But I will say that the Lakers are an exciting team to watch.  They pass, they play rugged defense, and they really have a knack for hitting that backbreaking three.  Who needs Robert Horry?  He’s at home, the Lakers are in Boston to begin their last conquest to a title.

Boston is, well, what’s the best way I can put this?  O, I know… boring 

For a Celtics fan, KG falling in Boston’s lap for seven players was a godsend. For the rest of us, we had to hear all about how great it was that the Celtics were back all season.  I know Bostonians and New Englanders are loyal fans, but there are 29 other NBA cities with great fans too.  Just because Boston is a big city, doesn’t mean everyone wants to see them win.  Just because they have history some what 21 years ago, doesn’t mean they’re relevent like they once were.

Until Larry Bird, Robert Parrish, and Kevin McHale walk through the door, this Celtics team will just be another good team that did just enough to get to the finals because of a gift wrapped deal that got them over the hump over the mediocre East.

The Big Three?  More like the Three revolving doors.  Seriously, when was the last time you watched a Celtics game and all three of Boston’s so called superstars were all playing great?  Boston is good.  I’m not making a claim they don’t deserve to be where they are.  But I think we all jumped the gun a bit when the Celtics got Ray Allen, KG, and Pierce together on one team.  They’re all good players, but Allen has been unbelievably awful at points this post-season, Garnett seems to disappear in stretches of games and never seems to want to take the clutch shot, and Pierce is either great or just okay.

Whether he’s a Hall of Famer or not, I personally don’t think so.

Finally there’s this.  Most Celtics games are painful… to watch.

Great defense doesn’t always mean exciting.  Games against Cleveland that they had in round number two, such as the epically bad game one, were perfectly good examples that three stars doesn’t mean big scores.

I remember when the Celtics got off to a 20-3 start early in the year and were putting up crazy numbers on a nightly basis.  Then the NBA figured them out, they got old and got vets P.J. Brown and Sam “I am” Cassel, and all of a sudden he playoffs come around and they’re struggling to score against the likes of Atlanta and Cleveland.

Whatever.

This is the hand we got dealt, so I’ll live with it.

But it is hard to watch these big publications and writers claim this is the matchup everybody wanted to see.

Well, I’m not everybody.

I watched my Suns see their glorious run come to a screeching halt. And now I have to put up with this Laker-Celtic crap?

Not exactly my vision of “had to see.”

But I’ll watch.  O I’ll watch.  Because I love sports, and I can put up with the almost unbearable bias that our friends over at ESPN and ABC put on us on a weekly basis.

But if they even mention Joba Chamberlain during the pregame show, I’m done.

I can only take so much big city bias.

That said it’ll be Lakers in six, because they’re the better team.

SCOTT JACOBS

“The buzzer couldn’t come any sooner,” said an elated Paul Pierce. “We finally made it.”

“We’re in the Finals!” he screamed, smiling like a 10 year old.

Go ahead Paul. Scream and holler all you want. What seemed unthinkable just a mere year ago is now reality. The Boston Celtics, Eastern Conference Champions? Last May that would have came across as a cruel joke, on par with Billy Buckner chants, but now, well let’s just say it’s the truth.

Celtics players huddled around the East finals trophy, chanting, “beat LA.”

It must be something in the water in Boston. All Bostonian teams do, make it to championships!

The Celtics are just the latest Beantown staple to join the ridiculous title tea party, schmoozing next to the Patriots and the Red Sox.

Celtics-Lakers and no, it’s not 1987. It’s 2008, and you’re not going to wake up and see San Antonio and Detroit vie for the snoozer championship.

“We don’t want the silver ball, we want the gold ball,” said Celts coach Doc Rivers.

In 2007 the Celtics walked off the court in their final regular season game, with the worst record in the East, and the second worst in the league. They were among the top two… in uh losing accomplishments. Now, they’re going to the Finals.

“It’s going to be a spectacular series,” said Jeff Van Gundy.

The Lakers have been there 29 times, the Celtics 20. The Lakers have won it 14 times, the Celtics 16.

Prepare to add another chapter to the history book, and leave space on the Nielsen ratings for some out of this world TV ratings.

Like em or hate em, you’ll be watching.

And you can’t use the excuse that this series lacks star power. This series is loaded with so much star power, it’s blinding.

It’s an incredible turnaround for both teams. Kobe wanted to be traded last off-season. Paul Pierce thought he would get dealt. Now, a year later, the two superstars will face off for an expensive diamond encrusted ring they can fit on their finger.

How?

Um, like the bumper sticker says, “Garnett happens.”

The NBA where “how the F*** did that happen” happens.

Who would have thunk it?

Nostradamus you there?

SCOTT JACOBS

You feeling lucky punk?

Yeah you Chicago. You just pulled off the heist of the post-season when you stole the number one pick in the NBA’s annual Rip-off-teams-palooza (aka: the NBA Draft lottery). With a minuscule 1.7% chance to land the number one pick, the Bulls, who finished with the ninth worst record in the league, got to Secaucus, NJ hoping that their 2.4% chance to get in the top three, would possibly land them six spots higher. Instead, they hit the jackpot, vaulting over league worst Miami and Dwayne Wade, to snag either Derick Rose or Michael Beasley.

Tough decision. But who ever thought they would have that decision to make?

For that matter, how does the NBA’s Draft lottery allow such blasphemy to happen?

If I had to go with a ridiculous scenario going into the night, I would have picked the Knicks to get a top two pick. (The whole Mike D’Antoni, bring back the swagger back to the Gawwwwwwwwwden type thing, just screamed conspiracy). But New York stayed right where they were. At number six.

D’Antoni opted for the opportunity to ressurect a trainwreck over a Bulls team a year removed from a Conference Semi-Finals appearance. And now the Bulls have the number one pick. The story is so good it just has to be fattening.

Meanwhile, Kevin Durant was unable to bring second worst Seattle a top two pick. Instead, the Sonics who had a 17.07% chance to land the third pick, an 18.78% chance to land the second pick, and a 19.90% chance to land the top pick, fell all the way to number four. The tough luck franchise got bitch slapped by the karma gods who have probably been watching their ugly legal battle ensue. I can vouch that Seattle/On Our way to Oklahoma, heck just name us the Barons and give us black and gold unis, were prime candidates to get screwed. The NBA hates what’s happening with the whole situation, and after Seattle lucked out landing Durant last year, karma was not going to let a bunch of greedy jerks inherit another kinda/sorta sure thing.

So here’s the skinny on the fat.

1. Chicago- Go buy a lottery ticket Bulls fans. Today is your lucky day!
2. Miami- Well, at least we get Beasley or Rose, though not the position to pick. Scraps could be worse though.
3. Minnesota- Boston and KG take on Detroit in the Conference Finals on ABC/ESPN. We jumped up a spot from number four, but we still won’t be relevent for another 230 years.

As for the Lottery itself:

1. Only teams with the top 5 crappy records should get a shot at the number one pick. The Bulls won 33 games. That’s 18 more then the Miami Heat!

2. Cut the crud ESPN. The lottery actually happened hours ago, with the build up started at 7:30, and didn’t end until about 8:17 Eastern time when the envelopes were finally opened. 47 minutes of “just announce the damn lottery already” is enough to cause even the most casual of fans a hint of aggravation.

3. Stop the celebrity interviews. Ask me if I care that Jay Z is a minority owner of the Nets. Go ahead, ask me! No. I couldn’t care less. And if I wanted to see celebrities boring the crap out of me, I’d watch MTV. Moronic Television.

As for the playoffs…

1. Nothing’s a sure thing. New Orleans should be back next year, but who knows. A year ago the Bulls were chic picks to go to the East finals, and they failed to make the playoffs in the EAST. A slipup in the west with Portland on the rise and at least seven other quality teams means that the Hornets should not take anything for granted.

2. Chris Paul is a fabulous player, but he needs to develop akiller instinct. He needs the ball in his hands late in games, not Pargo. Not Stojakovich. Paul needs that D-Wade rage, where he just goes off, and scores 13 unanswered himself. Once Paul does that, the Hornets (who will reportedly be styling new unis next year) will be golden.

3. Give me LA. If I had to venture odds on teams left in the post-season and who has the best shot to win it all based from worst odds to least, this would be my list:

4. Boston- Win a road game and then we’ll talk
3. Detroit- I’ve got a funny feeling they’re going to the Finals
2. San Antonio- That game seven win in N’Orleans was impressive
1. Los Angeles- It kills me to admit this, but it’s their championship to win this year.

One final thought:

With 2:35 to go in the first it was Boston 12 Detroit 11. That was with Detroit on an 8-0 run. I just hope this isn’t a sign of offensive mediocrity to come. We shall see.

SCOTT JACOBS

Welcome to another edition of JUICED NUMBERS. I post this on the same night that Carlos Mencia debuts his Performance Enhanced* comedy skit. This week, we bring you Performance Enhanced Numbers. Stats that at least for the Tampa Bay Rays, don’t call them Devil Rays, seem crazy, but actually are real. Don’t touch that remote folks! You might miss the Yankees losing another game.

-8- This week was a historic week for the Tampa Bay Rays. Not only did they manage to get the spotlight along with the Marlins, but they (unlike Florida) kept winning. Tampa Bay even got to eight games above .500 on May 16th, a first for the Rays ever. That says two things. One, Tampa Bay has finally turned the corner. Two, the Rays (I guess I mean Devil Rays) stand alone in infamy for having the worst 10 opening seasons to start a franchise in baseball history. Eight games above .500, not once before this week? Wow, I have a new found respect for loyal Rays fans.

-288- He’s not the superstar he once was, but Randy Johnson is just 12 wins away from 300. After shutting down the Detroit baby cats for seven innings in a 4-0 Diamondbacks win, Arizona’s greatest player in team history, continued down his slow path to become the last player in baseball history to get to the magical mark. He can’t hit the 98 mph mark, but Johnson still has enough to be a quality arm in a stacked Snakes rotation. He’s now won 4 straight decisions, and the D’backs are a Major League best 28-16.

-8- The only reason the Boston Celtics are in the Eastern Conference Finals is their sterling 8-0 record inside the Garden. I should be quick to clarify that your daddy’s Celtics these are not, because Boston has been atrocious on the road this post-season. They won an exciting game seven to defeat the over-matched Daniel Gibson-less Cavs, and get Detroit starting Tuesday. Boston has reason to be afraid though: their home wins are getting closer and closer, and the Pistons will eat the Celts alive if they repeat their second round game one abomination this Tuesday night.

-6- Pittsburgh did on Sunday in their 6-0 game five win, what the Detroit Red Wings were unable to do on Saturday: secure a spot in the Stanley Cup Finals. I will admit that I have not followed the playoffs like I usually do, but Pittsburgh’s rise to the top of the East is truly amazing. Just a few years ago the Pens were on the verge of moving from Pittsburgh. Mario Lemieux has done amazing things as owner of that team, including keeping them in the Steel City, and now they’re going to the finals for the first time since him and Jagr did it back in 1992. Worth noting: just 17 months ago, a very rich Canadian opted not to buy the team, and in essence ended efforts to move them to Canada. Now, they’re four wins away from their third title in team history.

-1- … More win if Big Brown wants to secure the Triple Crown. I confess to not giving two s*** about horse racing, but the feat is becoming rarer by the day. Brown won by an impressive 5 1/4-lengths at the Preakness, and is a win at Belmont from claiming the sports’ first sweep since Affirmed in 1978. One, may also be symbolic of the number of people at out of every 10 so called sports fans who actually care. Nevertheless, it’s worth noting because, well, I couldn’t think of anything else.

-5.5- Games out of first place the New York Yankees are. Here’s the amazing thing: in the National League West, the Los Angeles Dodgers are also 5.5 games out of first place in their division. They’re in second place! The NL West is so lopsided right now in Arizona’s favor, that the Dodgers are really the D’backs only opposition for a second straight NL West crown. The second biggest first place to second place deficit in baseball: the Cubs lead the Cardinals by two games in the NL Central. The moral to the story: Arizona’s division lead is more then twice that of any division leader in baseball.

-.87- The difference in batting points between the NL batting leader Chipper Jones and the AL batting leader Mark Grudzielanek. Granted, Jones is batting an astronomical .412, and making an early season push to finish the season above .400, but that kind of gap between the two league leaders is almost unheard of. In fact, Grudzielanek’s .325 batting average wouldn’t even be good enough for fifth in the National League! Have the tables turned, or have we just found a loop hole in one patricular offensive category between the two leagues?

-2- Dallas is two wins away from coming back from a 3-0 deficit. Game six is at home at the American Airlines Center, and a Stars win would push the once red hot Wings (9 wins in a row before losing to the Stars in game 4) to the brink of elimination. Don’t expect it to happen, but the Stars do have history sort of on their side. It’s been done twice in hockey history.

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did researching it. See you next week for another edition of JUICED NUMBERS, and in the meantime, hugs not drugs.

Goodnight everybody.

SCOTT JACOBS

It was interesting before.  A fascinating case study at the beginning about why that home court edge just would not fail.  But now, it’s tiresome.  Aggravating.  Sort of boring in a tireless repetitive way.  Would somebody please win a road game?!?

No, not you Detroit.  You were the most unlikely candidate of any to be the one to break through on the road.  In a raucous Amway Arena in Orlando, with an injured Chauncey Billups sitting out, the Pistons not only came back from a 15 point deficit in the first half, bu withstood a furious Magic rally, to win a game they really shouldn’t have, 90-89. It was a fabulous game, one of my favorites this post-season.

But the saying there’s a first time for everything, is starting to feel like: there’s only a first time for somethings when they happen in the second round of the NBA Playoffs.

This is no longer just some funky coincidence.  It’s official: road teams have forgotten how to play basketball in gyms that don’t have their names etched into the sidelines. I could see why high schoolers, middle schoolers, or even travel teams might be up in nerves in front of a big loud biased crowd.  But since when does the NBA not know how to play on the road?

Boston is striving to become the first team to win an NBA title without winning on the road.  They’ve got a shot, they’re 3-0 in this round, 4-0 against the Hawks, and they’ve got home court throughout.  But, if they win a title without a road win, that would mean they’d have to go the maximum 28 games through the marathon that is the playoffs.  Not only has that never been done.  It probably never will be done, unless this whacky unexpected trend continues to the fullest degree.

But it’s no just Boston.

Take a look at the home teams in these playoffs and their regular season home records.  Maybe something is wearing off here.

The Celtics had 6 losses at home.  The Jazz had a league low four losses at Energy Solutions Arena.  The Spurs have a very good home record this year.  As does New Orleans.  And the list goes on and on.

So the question becomes: has the mot over-rated aspect in pro sports become more important then ever before?

The only team with three road wins this post-season is Detroit as far as my count goes.  And they’re the only team in the league sitting comfortably at home waiting for the excruciatingly long second round to end.  So is there a trend?  Is there writing between the lines, that makes Detroit the favorites… to win it all?

I wouldn’t go that far just yet, but I was very impressed that Detroit was able to win a road game without their floor leader.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though.

New Orleans still has a chance to end the defending champs hopes in San Antonio.  Boston can dethrone the defending champs in Cleveland.  The Lakers can beat the team that just doesn’t lose very often at home in the the heart of Mormon Nation.

But the way these playoffs are going, I think it’s more likely that Delonte West scores 30 on the Celtics than Boston breaking through on the road.  I think Tim Duncan will have 11 assists before the Hornets close out the Spurs in Texas.  As for the Jazz, are they really going to lose a home game to a hobbled Kobe?

But that’s the thing.  You keep thinking that these road teams are going to break through. Yesterday the Cavs were up by 14 against Boston in the first half when they forgot how to play.  The Jazz had ample opportunities to take down the Lake Show yesterday, but could never get the lead.  And the Hornets were rolling along in game three when they just disappeared late in the third quarter.

So the road record and home disparity hits an incredible number.

Boston: 3-0 home, 0-2 road
Cleveland: 2-0 home, 0-3 road
Detroit: 3-0 home, 1-1 road
Orlando: 1-1 home, 0-3 road
Los Angeles: 3-0 home, 0-2 road
Utah: 2-0 home, 0-3 road
New Orleans: 3-0 home, 0-2 road
San Antonio: 2-0 home, 0-3 road

It totals up to a tidy little number.  One growing like the plague.

The road team is 1-19  in 20 games in this second round.  At school you could never pass a test with numbers like that.  But in the NBA, you’ve got a chance to win a ring if you’ve got the home court and do nothing on the road.

For the record, that’s a 5% road winning percentage.

I don’t say this often: but thanks Detroit.  For setting the bar!

SCOTT JACOBS

The NBA Playoffs are too long. We know that. I know that, you know that, and David Stern secretly knows that. But for the last couple years, ever since the NBA made the awkward transition of making the playoffs almost as long as a WNBA season, the league has slowly gotten more drawn out and less exciting.

And this second round fiasco hasn’t helped make things move along.

In a shocking event of home team dominance, unprecedented as far as my recent memory goes, the home team is 10-0 in the second round. Count that again. Ten and Ohhhh. Aka: what happened to that amazing regular season where every team was so close, and who stole my Doritos?

The Lakers have shown themselves to be the superior team against Utah (They lead 2-0). The Pistons beat Orlando thoroughly before the Magic took Detroit to the wire in game two, only to give the game away with awkward late plays. Of course, they promptly won game three at HOME to push the series to 2-1. More on that series in a minute.

The Hornets pulled away big time after two close halftime scores in New Orleans, and appeared like they might be the first second round road team to win on the road. But after a spirited play by Chris Paul, the Hornets got flat and the Spurs ran them out of the gym in a fourth quarter rally that just screamed, “we needed this game a lot more then you did.” That series is 2-1.

Then there’s the Boston-Cleveland series. Lebron is shooting like 20% for the series, and the Cavs haven’t eclipsed the 80 point mark in either of their first two snoozers in Beantown. Ray Allen didn’t score his first point of the SERIES until the third quarter of game two! And that first game: well it set back NBA basketball the way Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights set back animation.

So here’s where we stand: LA 2-0, NO 2-1, DET 2-1, and BOS 2-0.

But this home cooking thing might actually get worse.

Utah which looked way over-rated in two very bland games in LA goes home to Utah where they lost 4 times all season. If they can’t be LA in their home gym where they’re a different team, that series could be a sweep.

The Spurs are one win away from evening their series up after Tony Parker played out of his mind. What to look for: how New Orleans plays to start game four. The Spurs have their mojo back, and the Hornets are still a very young team. Plus, even though no one wants to admit it (okay, just me), the Spurs are the defending champs. Even if their bench calls themselves the 35 Club.

The Pistons already lost one game in Orlando, when over-paid Rashard Lewis had the game of his life. Now, Chauncey Billups health comes into question. The Pistons go to guy suffered a hamstring strain, and Detroit was flat without him. On Saturday Night we find out if the Magic have a Cleveland in them (aka: total reversal of fortunes, an Atlanta: well we can win the home games, or a Phoenix (we got one win in us, now let’s self combust)). Whatever it is, its not too difficult to see that series going back to Detroit nodded up at two, just like it was with Philadelphia.

Finally there’s Cleveland. Their offense has been atrocious in this second round, and Lebron is stinking up the joint. Of course the Cavs are a much more relaxed home team, and their role players (o who are we kidding: everyone except James is a role player on that team) tend to play better and look more comfortable. That said it’s hard to have any confidence in the Cavs given their first two monstrosities. But Boston was so shaky on the road with Atlanta that I want to see them prove they can win a road game, before I assume that game three is when they will.

Finally, there’s the schedule. It really bothers me. How can the Magic and Pistons already have played three games before the Celts and Cavs played two? The NBA playoffs are so long to begin with, what would be another two days to make sure everyone is on the same page in terms of games played. Had Detroit won their first three games against Orlando, they could have advanced to the Eastern Conference Finals before Boston played its third game. That just doesn’t make any sense.

What they should do: Let the Haws-Celts play game seven and not start the other series until Monday and Tuesday. The playoffs are so long as it is, would another couple days really matter?

Finally, this second round has lacked spark. Take away a very good game three in San Antonio tonight, and a very close game two between the Pistons and Magic, and this second round has been as disappointing as Balls of Fury. And that movie, for the record, was absolutely horrible.

One last note: can anyone beat the Lakers right now in a seven game series? Not only is LA loaded in their starting five, but their bench would probably make a better starting five then anything Miami sent out the last two weeks of the season. In all seriousness, LA’s bench is absolutely sensational, and they are playing terrific, fundamentally sound ball right now. I think I’d be a reach not to think that LA is going to win it all this year.

Of course. I’ve been wrong before (like way too many times).

So Mitch is ranting about summer plans, and how he doesn’t want to watch the Lakers-Celtics series if it happens, and how basketball really isn’t his thing. And here I am, sitting in my room, with a week left, wondering what the University of Georgia is going to be like when I go up there next week. O wait a minute, that’s not what I’m here to write about. You (and by you I mean people who visit this site eagerly anticipating my latest posts) want to see my picks. And if you don’t, well hell, you’re going to get them anyways.

Last time I ranted about the Suns-Spurs, but I didn’t really give good reasons why any of the series would go the way I picked them. So here goes my playoff picks and why I’m making them. The best regular season in some time is unlikely to be shadowed by an even greater post-season, but in the end, I think we’ll look back at this unbelivably long post-season and smile.

Expect to hear people say, “O my god, I survived that!”
Expect to hear people say, “If the Spurs play the Pistons in the Finals again, I’m moving to Iceland.”
Expect to hear people say, “The NBA wants the Lakers-Spurs, otherwise no one will watch the Finals.”

Ya know, it’s not like people care in the other 28 cities at all or nothing. When the Celts and Lakers were down one person officially watched the NBA Finals every year. And that person chooses to remain annonymous. O crap, I’m pulling a Mitch, and I’m rambling.

If my basketball picks are as accurate as my hockey picks (aka: not accurate at all) I will be really disappointed. Here goes nothing in the hardest post-season to predict since Coach Carter.

The L(EASTERN? Conference

1. Celtics vs. 8. Hawks
The Hawks have to go down as one of the worst teams to ever qualify for the playoffs in post-season history. Mike Woodson led Atlanta to the second season, but he still may get the ax, because his team went a daunting 37-45 outlasting the terrible Indiana Pacers for the last spot in the East. I have yet to find an analyst that has press credentials who legitimately gives the Hawks a chance to win one game. Mike Bibby used to anchor Sacramento’s high scoring attack during their glory years, but the Hawks are phonies who are lucky the NBA hasn’t gone to a top 16 format, instead of mediocre meteor shower of garbage East teams. You may see where I’m going with this. Celtics in FOUR.

2. Pistons vs. 7. Sixers
No one thought the Sixers could do anything, let alone make the playoffs, even in the horrid East. So give Maurice Cheeks a lot of credit. I know not much has been said about this because the caliber of conference is slightly unbalanced, but do you realize that Philly is a higher seed then AI and Denver? Again, I know it’s the East, but still, at 40-42 (which would be good for 11th in the West) it’s a nice story. Unfortunately, Detroit is better, a lot better. Deeper too. Detroit’s had the same starting five sans Ben Wallace for a while now, and they know how to win in the post-season. I’ll throw the Sixers a bone and give them a game three win, but nothing more. Pistons in FIVE.

3. Orlando vs. 6. Toronto
Let’s go back a bit. Remember when Billy Donovan signed on to be Magic head coach for like five years, and the team sold all those season tickets because the thought of Billy the Kid heading a blah team was intriguing, and then Billy decided to go back to Florida and Orlando had to give all those season ticket holders their money back? Well, the Magic hired the right guy in #2 Stan Van Gundy. The Heat just wish they had him on their bench right now, but are instead stuck with a wishy washy, never wants to go away Pat Riley. With Stan leading the way Orlando won the Southeast, the first team in that division’s history other then Miami to accomplish that feat. Though they overpaid huge for Rashard Lewis, he and Dwight Howard, along with Hedo Turkoglu have formed a very good team, one that exceeded every expectation in winning 52 games, and finishing third in the East. The Raptors who won the Atlantic last year, never had any prayer of repeating that with Boston’s dominance, and only made the playoffs because they play in… THE EAST! This will be a decent series, with half of it shown on NBATV (Because this match up couldn’t be less appealing to the casual fan). I’ll give Toronto a few games, but Disney beats Canada’s hope, as the Magic advance in six.

4. Cleveland vs. 5. Washington
X factor in the East: Gilbert Arenas. I know he missed 60 plus games this year, and can’t seem to stay healthy, but the guy is a terrific player when he’s on the court, and a clutch scorer. I think the fighting Lebrons are living off of last year’s surprise Finals trip (aka: living in the past). I don’t think they’re that much better with Ben Wallace, Wally, and Delonte West amongst others. And I think the Wiz, who managed to stay afloat all year despite constant injury issues, are ready to make their third consecutive playoff tussle with Cleveland a charm. It’s the trendy pick I know, but Lebron can only do so much, and I think Washngton will expose the Cavs in a six game series that’s all about revenge.

THE WESTERN CONFERENCE (I talked about this yesterday, so I’ll be much more brief today)

1. Lakers over 8. Nuggets in five
Any match-up out west looks like it could go either way, but I think the Lakers will put away Denver pretty easily. Simply put, the Nuggets don’t play any defense and are much too on and off to stage a real fight. J.R. Smith is my player to keep an eye on, because he can shoot lights out or like no body’s home. If Denver brings their A game and shows they can play ANY defense it’s not crazy to think they can’t challenge LA. But that’s not going to happen. Kobe, Gasol, and Co. move on.

7. Mavericks over 2. Hornets in six
This seems to be a chic pic, but I’m not going with Dallas because every one else seems to be. I just think they’re the better team right now. Dirk Nowitzki has been playing out of his skull and Jason Terry has been playing much better of late. Dallas knows what it’s like to fight for their playoff lives compared to being able to breathe. They had to fight, the Hornets could breathe, and for that reason: Chris Paul and David West will come up short. But don’t worry, they’ll be back next year.

6. Suns over 3. Spurs in 6 games
These teams are so close it’s scary. But rage can do a lot for a team, and the Suns are incredibly furious after losing to a Spurs team that they thought they were good enough to beat. Phoenix went 3-1 against the Spurs this year, and 2-0 with Shaq. This is why they got the Big Fella. To stop Tony Parker, Manu and the rest of San Antonio’s slashers from carving up the paint. Tim Duncan no longer dominates Phoenix. Phoenix can rebound with San Antonio and second chance points no longer come ever other possession. This is step one of the Suns difficult trip through the west playoffs. But they’re going to do it, and their will be nothing controversial about it.

4. Jazz over 5. Rockets in six
Without Yao Houston was able to manage surprisingly in the gruesome West. But in the playoffs, with teams being able to zone in on their gaping hole in the middle, the Rockets look like one and done again. Their courage has been admirable, but Utah is just better. Unless of course they play like they did against the Spurs with the number three seed on the line. If they do that, I’m jumping ship. This will be competitive, possibly a seven game series, but Tracy McGrady will once again come up short, posing the question: will he ever win a first round series?

AS FOR THE REST OF THE PLAYOFFS…

SECOND ROUND

Celtics over Wizards in five
Like the Heat a few years ago when they held the top seed, the Celts will have no problem dismantling Washington. And once again James Posey will play a big role in ruining the Wiz’s dreams. KG, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce will help too.

Pistons over Magic in five
The Pistons have been very good all year, and Orlando is still not deep enough, nor experienced enough to handle Detroit’s depth and experience. It will be close, and Orlando may even get a game in Detroit, but that’s about all I forsee. Pistons, as they seem to do every year now, go back to the conference finals.

Lakers over Jazz in six
Utah’s a good team, don’t get me wrong. But all this crap about them being primed for another big run after lucking out in the post-season last year is a little pre-mature. Utah is putrid on the road and that is not the blueprint for playoff success. And they’re going to have to beat LA at least a couple times at Staples, because LA is going to beat the Jazz at least one game at the Energy Solutions Center, or whatever the devil they call that place nowadays.

Suns over Mavericks in seven
These teams have developed a terrific rivalry over the years, and were taken out of the playoffs prematurely last season. This season they meet in somewhat of a surprise. And it will be one heck of a series. Throw out the seedings, Phoenix will have just enough to win a tough game seven at home, over a Mavs team that will bring everything they’ve got.

CONFERENCE FINALS

Celtics over Pistons in seven
Two dead even teams who have been sleeping through the regular season until they meet in the east finals finally get their crack at each other. So what’s the difference? Ray Allen goes on a tare and KG controls the paint in one of the best playoff series in years. Home court though will be the difference as the Celtics return to the finals for the first time since the Bird years.

Suns over Lakers in seven
Not a homer pick. And how can Phoenix beat the Lakers on their own home court in a game seven at the Stapler? Shaq. He’s closed out a seven game conference finals series on the road before. Remember Sacramento? The Lakers took the Kings to OT and prevailed on the opposition’s home court. Phoenix knows their window is closing, and the urgency will be there to pull out a thrilling, legendary series. The hero? Grant Hill, who came to the Suns to win a title. He’ll get his chance. Suns win.

THE FINALS

Suns over Celtics in six
Phoenix has been a top caliber seed every year since the Nash era entered phase two. This year, the pressure is still there, but a bit of the burden is off, as Phoenix has been sort of forgotten in the heapload of quality teams. The Suns series win over LA will give them the confidence and the swagger they need to lock up their first championship. And Shaquille O’Neal will promptly ride off into the sun set, carrying Steve Kerr and Mike D’Antoni to the title they dreamed of when they made the deal many moons ago.

The main reason though? Amare. He will man up, and play the best defense of his life, generating vintage Suns fast breaks. When the game slows down, the Suns have the interior presence they’ve never had to get the job done.

Phoenix wins it all. The six seed Suns… O, and David Stern will be there to hand Amare the MVP, and Robert Sarver the O’Brien trophy.

Now, how about your picks planet Earth?