SCOTT JACOBS

The only thing more frustrating then the start of these 2008 MLB playoffs is the bombardment of annoying Frank TV ads that we the sports fan have to suffer through every other commercial. O yeah, there’s also been the stunningly boring play taking place on the field.  This post-season appeared to set up as the most wide open field in some time.  Instead, a few days in, we’re almost already out of the first round and into the league championship series.  Why?  Because every series is 2-0.  Every single one!  Last year we had three sweeps (and one four game series), and that was as anti-climatic as we’d seen in some time.  This year, we could be looking at a foursome of sweeps.  Get out the brooms, no one’s safe.

Not the Brewers, who have proven to be a one man wrecking machine that now just looks broken, after their ace was pummeled in game two.

Not the Cubs, who are once again on the verge of another disheartening playoff exit, just moments into what looked like “the year.”

Not the White Sox, who have given the South Side little to cheer about.  Sure, they’ve taken the lead early, but they couldn’t hold on, and a pair of two run leads in successive games has gone all for not.  After the week they had, having to play two games after the season had ended, it’s excusable for them to be on the verge of being swept, but the Angels?

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, might as well be renamed the “Who cares what they’re named, the Red Sox own them.”  Seriously, the Red Sox have taken the Angels, who won 100 games, and looked like clear cut favorites to win another world championship, and they’ve just knocked them down every time the Angels look like they’re trying to get up. It’s incredible.  Make it eleven consecutive post-season wins for Boston over LA, a new major league record.

The Angels had eleven hits, and one was an extra base hit.  The Halos scratched and clawed back from a 5-2 deficit early on, but once again, like the Spurs owning the Suns, Boston put away what is no longer even the best team in Southern California.  That distinction right now would go to the Dodgers.

That series looked like it would be the best of these four (and it has been, for whatever that’s worth), and at least a pair of these series looked like good bets to go at least four.  But that looks unlikely now.

With the Brewers reeling, and their offense held at bay, Philadelphia looks like they’ll get the knockout blow Saturday.  Milwaukee’s lack of hitting has cost them dearly, and now that C.C. Sabathia is off the list, the Phils can feel it.

The Dodgers will look to finish off the shell-shocked Cubs Saturday when the series shifts to Los Angeles.  If the Cubs have anything going for them, it’s that the Angels couldn’t win in LA, so maybe the same will go for the Dodgers.  But not likely.  In fact, look for the Dodgers to complete the sweep tomorrow, officially putting Cubs fans out of their misery for the umpteenth time.

The Rays will look for the sweep at U.S. Cellular, and boy has that bullpen been impressive.  Those young kids over in Tampa Bay have proven to be real gamers, and you can’t help but think a Red Sox-Rays ALCS would be absolutely riveting theater. Not quite Yanks-Sox, but certainly a compelling matchup nonethless.

So that’s where we stand.  Tonight’s Red Sox-Angels game was a thriller, but Boston just oozes with confidence.  They may no longer have Manny, but the defending champs are still incredibly clutch.  And how about Jason Bay, homering in his first two post-season games.  Not a bad pickup, was Bay, who looks incredibly comfortable in what looked like a tough role to fill.

So that’s the story this post-season.  Both teams in the mega Manny swap look well on their way. All they have to do is win one game at home, and they’re golden.

The Brewers and White Sox get to go home, but neither one of their chances looks all that great.

I’m not sure that this has ever happened, but could we be looking at FOUR sweeps in one round?

It certainly looks like a realistic possibility.

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SCOTT JACOBS

Baseball it seems more then any other sport, always has the cheesiest slogans. The Marlins for years have put dreadful teams on the field with Triple A players yet their marketing gurus always make them sound like the greatest product ever. Well, JSB is getting down and dirty, and that means slogans for all 30 teams. No sugar coating allowed.

RED SOX- Now returning virtually the entire team intact from our 2007 title team. Cause that worked out really well for the 2007 Miami Heat!
YANKEES- Like Hockey? Because not even A-Rod’s 300 million dollar contract could buy us the last game at the House that Ruth Built, and Money Tore Down.
BLUE JAYS- Be patient loyal fans, we’ve petitioned baseball to move to the NL Central. Maybe the Pirates will switch?
RAYS- Is our new nickname about the fish under water or the sun shine above our heads? Come to the ball pack and try to figure out why we’re too ashamed to put Tampa Bay on any of our new uniforms!
ORIOLES- Good players at great prices guaranteed. Anybody can be had, and we mean anybody.

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INDIANS- Come watch C.C. Sabathia pitch his last season at the Jake (we mean The Prude) afterall, it’s not like we can afford to resign him for 2009!
TIGERS- Come watch the All Time Marlins team compete for a World Series. Now starring Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis as the most recent guys a rich team like us could pry away from the fish for a bag of prospects.
WHITE SOX- 2005 was only three years ago. Wait, how is that possible?
ROYALS- Watch Gil Meche and Alex Gordon and the rest of our beloved Royals battle out the Twins for fourth place supremacy in the Central!
TWINS- Coming soon a new stadium. Now playing: a horrible team without Johan Santana.

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MARINERS- Last year was no fluke, and to prove it, we traded a bunch of guys for that “get us over the hump starting pitcher” that you had never even heard of until ESPN hyped the crap out of him. But thanks ESPEN.
ANGELS- Forget Torre. We’ve got a better Torre, and he only cost us $90 million. We might even ask him to manage a few games (Just kidding, but seriously, we might).
RANGERS- Nolan Ryan’s back. O crap, he can’t pitch anymore. Or can he?
ATHLETICS- We’re like that acne medication ProActiv: we get a lot worse, like really really bad, and then slowly we start to get better. And then before you know it, we move to Fremont!

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METS- Now made with real bits of Johan Santana, so you know we’ll be good. Not to mention collapse free since 2007.
PHILLIES- Start waving those playoff white towels now, because they’ll be no post-season for your fighting Phils in 08. Unless of course somebody, uh, you know, collapses?
BRAVES- Welcome to a brave new world of mediocrity. Our new blue alternative jerseys should keep you distracted for at least a few weeks as we meddle through another playoff-less year. But by all means, don’t stop that Tomahawk Chop!
NATIONALS- To show our commitment to winning, not only did we build the nicest ballpark in 2008, we didn’t let anyone corporately sponsor it. And with great views from anywhere on the field you don’t have to watch our boring ball club.
MARLINS- I just saved 30 million dollars on my team payroll by switching to prospects!

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CUBS- Don’t get your hopes up: it’s not like we’re going to win a World Series in our 100th year of futility. But hey, 2018 is always a possibility.
BREWERS- Everyone will pee their pants if we make the playoffs. And who doesn’t want to see urine stains on grown men’s jeans? (You don’t have to actually answer that question).
REDS- Who did we get that made us everyone’s sleeper pick in the NL? Who ever it was, fire them, because having expectations is a very dangerous thing, for a very mediocre baseball team.
ASTROS- Vote now if you’d like to see Roger Clemens pitch for the Stros in 2038. In the meantime watch Miguel Tejada and steroid allegations plague an old and declining team.
PIRATES- Did you know that there was a hockey team with our same name and colors from 1925-1930? That ought to distract you from the fact that we’ve been post-season free since 1992.
CARDINALS- The fall from grace is complete, but at least you can watch it in the second newest ballpark in baseball.

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DIAMONDBACKS- Josh Bynes bobblehead night coming soon: he saved our team from purgatory and now we’re championship contenders. God bless former Red Sox executives.
ROCKIES- If we were indeed a fluke in 2007 (we weren’t) then we were sure as hell one heck of a fluke to watch. This year we go for 22 out of 23. Can we do it? Come get a mile high with us to find out.
DODGERS-It’s been fifty years since we tore out Brooklyn’s hearts, and we plan to celebrate that by wearing a patch all year.
PADRES- We’re relying on Mark Prior to get us over the hump. Wait, what the F***!!!
GIANTS- Now that Barry Bonds is gone there is officially no reason whatsoever to watch us play. Seriously, stop televising us.

Just missed the cut:
RED SOX- It feels great just to be like every other team again.
RAYS- Should we sign Bonds? Should steroids be legalized? You fans get to vote!
MARLINS- If you need a player, truck, or stadium who you gonna call: the Marlins!
MARLINS- Be there Opening Day 2008 to watch a real team: the New York Mets!
CUBS- We’re not special anymore if we win one

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