SCOTT JACOBS

Alright kids, grow the bleep up.

End this like men. Quit bitching like teenage boys.

Kobe seemingly moved on. Shaq just doesn’t know when to shut his yap.

A week after Kobe and the Lakers were eliminated beatdown by the Celtics in the NBA Finals, Shaq is back in the spotlight. No he’s no offering up memories of being the number one pick in light of Thursday’s NBA Draft. He’s not sharing war stories with new Suns coach Terry Porter. No news has broke whether he is man enough to take a pay cut so the Suns don’t completely lose their shine.

But he is willing to rap comedically (wink wink) about Kobe, Kobe’s affect on his marriage divorce, and other HILARIOUS things.

Only, after hearing them, they’re not really that funny. In fact, they’re pathetic.

As Shaq watches his career dwindle, and his skills diminish, he apparently wants to leave no stone unturned. Even if that stone gets thrown from coast to coast, desert to beach.

And this… is from a diehard Phoenix Suns fan.

Look, I wanted to believe Shaq was the final piece to the puzzle, just like I wanted to believe that these sickening rap lyrics were indeed a joke, but I got duped once, and it’s not happening again.

Shaq, if these lyrics are a joke, then you have a sick sense of humor!

But planet earth, observe the lyrics yourself and have at it.

“You know how I be. Last week Kobe couldn’t do without me.”

“I’m a horse. Kobe ratted me out. That’s why I’m getting divorced. He said Shaq gave a [woman] a mil. I don’t do that ’cause my name’s Shaquille. I love ‘em, I don’t leave ‘em. I got a vasectomy, now I can’t breed ‘em.”

Hear his verbal diarrhea here.

(For the record Shaq has since appologized, saying to Stephen A. Smith: “I was freestyling. That’s all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever. That is what MCs do. They freestyle when called upon. I’m totally cool with Kobe. No issue at all. And by the way, don’t forget, six albums, two platinum, two gold. Anybody who knows me knows I’m a funny freestyler. Check the NBA DVD when I was rapping about Vlade Divac during my first championship run. Please tell everybody don’t make something out of nothing.”)

I don’t care. When you start accusing another guy of ruining your marriage that crosses the line.

Shaq, just admit you’re done. The Heat couldn’t get rid of you fast enough, and Phoenix fans would party if they could get your contract off the books so their team isn’t strapped to your $40 million contract the next 2 years.

I like Shaq. I met the man. I interviewed him. He’s a quiet guy with a surprisingly wimpy hand shake. But here’s the thing: he can say some really stupid things. This is another instance of that.

I’ll be back for Don Imus’ blood later. Don’t worry, there’s plenty to go around.

Smart people come and go. But idiots are always one microphone away.